5 Reasons Why Men Pull The Vanishing Act


You think you’re on to something. You met a great guy. The two of you went out for a few dates and from your end things seemed fabulous, but all of a sudden, he goes dark on you. You haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t answered your texts.

Yes. He vanished like a ghost in face of what you thought was a blossoming relationship. What’s more, you’re dating life hasn’t been the best recently.

Guys pull disappearing acts for many reasons. Most of the time, it’s not you! Here are a few things that usually contribute to getting ghost’d while you’re dating someone.

1. Fear Of Commitment

He may really be into you. Dating you may have been one of the better decisions he’s made. But he doesn’t want to keep dating because he knows it’s going so well that he sees commitment on the horizon. He may not be ready to commit or he may have a fear of commitment. He may fear the loss of his old lifestyle. He can also have a fear of the unknown as he may not be use to commitment. Or even a fear of a successful relationship because all he may be used to is chaos. Whatever the case may be, don’t take things personally. That is the most important thing to remember.

2. Poor Communicators

Sometimes he may find he doesn’t want to keep dating at all. Or this just isn’t the right time for him. The problem is that he doesn’t know how to tell you. He simply doesn’t possess the communication skills needed to end on good terms. He may be afraid of the outcome if he were to talk about it directly. I constantly work with my clients on communication skills. They are essential to a sustained, fulfilling relationship.

3. Ex Running In The Background

That’s right. He could still be hung up on her. Listen to him in conversation. If he brings her up quite a bit, take heed. He still may be hanging on and she may want him back. Some guys get tangled up with their exes to the point where it is very difficult to get out of the relationship. He may have gone back to his ex and it was just the easier option for him to vanish.

4. Hasn’t Gotten Over A Previous Relationship

Sometimes it’s just too early for anyone to start dating again. For some people, they may not realize this until they are in middle of dating someone new. He could still be licking his wounds from his previous relationship. This may cause him to retreat. Things about your relationship with him could be bringing up painful memories of his previous love life. He could get dragged down by this and just choose to isolate and cut things off without telling you.

5. He’s A Player

Quite simply, he may have found someone he likes more. He could be concurrently dating many women while dating you at the same time. Maybe he didn’t communicate this to you. Maybe it’s something he doesn’t want to let go of because he’s just not sure. He could have easily got wrapped up with someone else and just lumped you into a pile with everyone else that he disappeared on.

What can you do? Well, if you haven’t reached him by now, chances are you’re not going to be able to talk it out with him. It’s time to move on. Accept his absence for whatever reason and find someone new. Life is way too short.

CJ Westyn

CJ Westyn is a relationship expert and strategist residing in Princeton, New Jersey and Denver, CO. He is a Date Camp™ Coach and former co-host of dating and relationship talk radio show, Intuidate Radio®.

CJ holds an M.A. in Rehabilitation Counseling and has spent over 10 years working with couples and individuals on a broad variety of relationship issues.

CJ’s mission is to use his writing and untamed sense of humor to add value to the dating advice world by delivering helpful digital content. He strives to move people forward as he guides them through overcoming the uncomfortable yet inherent challenges we are dealt by the human condition (You know, when “life gets in the way”).

CJ’s aim is to also raise awareness surrounding cultural mores and standards that are congruent with human biology yet have earned negative value judgment due to sociocultural human constructs such as religion, ethics and tradition.

In addition to dating advice, CJ spends significant time writing comedy and performing elaborate practical jokes. In his spare time, he watches plenty of Andy Kaufman videos (for inspiration) and audits classes at Princeton University.

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