Have we ever stopped to think, just how unnatural online dating is? I’m sure, many of us have. But I’m not here to disparage online dating, I’m just merely stating that everything looks good on paper, ahem, can look good online, and we could still be light years away from finding our true match.
Dating sites go the extra mile to make it easier for us, with online assessments, match affinity tests, questionnaires, to name a few. I cannot count the times the email message I received from a guy was nothing more than a series of “yes” and “no” replies to the “take my quiz” option on the site.
Long hair on men: YES or NO? Why don’t they like long hair on men? I do. Ok, that sounds like a deal breaker. Just kidding. What the deal breaker was, was the guys’ inability to communicate.
But we shouldn’t be surprised. After all it’s a cold and removed environment.
Thus it’s no wonder men find it so difficult to communicate. Most of them must have tried endless variations, endless times, only to be ignored. It’s much safer to send a quiz. This way rejection doesn’t feel so personal.
Why Rejection is Not Personal
I’ve done my share of online dating, and I was just as confused as the next person when, say, communication dropped after initial contact. I felt rejected. It felt personal. It took me a long time to think about these online chance encounters as a mere “shopping around”. Because, indeed, what do we see and what do we know about that other person apart from a few images and a few words carefully or less carefully scribbled down? Nothing. What drives us to shop around? Our ego, our instincts, our need for a connection. And as human beings, we are fickle and manifest shopping behaviour where possible and where nobody holds us responsible. How many items do we usually take to the changing rooms when shopping? How many times do we return an item to the shop because we have changed our mind?
Of course there is one thing the rejected person can do about the situation. They can make sure they portray the best version of themelves. They can choose the best photos and they should have an engaging profile. Because, just like in every area of our lives, others do it better and we can be left behind, in obscurity. How to achieve that? Dating photography is a new and emerging service, there to help people raise our chances of finding the one. And so is dating profile writing as such. If we have difficulty finding our words.
What Happens When We find a Connection?
Well, we get really really excited. Because, ah, the wait was so long. We can’t find fault with him or her. We feel as if the weight of the world was taken off our shoulders. We can now stop looking.
Maybe that weight most of us feel when looking, pushed some to enter such an extreme experiment, like “Married at First Sight!
But guess what? Apparently all four couples of the original Danish series have already filed for divorce. By the looks of it, science cannot tell us who our match is. Can we?
It turns out, when online dating, even connections seem fickle. Why? Because we might want to be “off the market” so soon, we ignore the red flags. Truth is, many of us enter this battlefield called “online dating” unprepared. We might be still reeling from a break up, we might use it as a distraction from whatever else is going on that we don’t want to think about and for a while we play game with whomever seems fun to be with. For a while. But then reality hits and the bubble bursts, because we were nowhere near being our true selves. Thus, whatever connection we seemed to have, was with the version of ourselves that we made up and “sold” to that other person.
All We Need is Love
And here’s why dating complete strangers seems so impossible. We are supposed to see clearly, when all we want is to allow ourselves to see the world, at least for a while, through rose tinted glasses.
But do not despair, because it’s a numbers game. Think of your college mates. You were in the same age group, with similar interests and similar backgrounds. Just how many of them seemed like a perfect match? Best case scenario, one or two. That’s what online dating is about. It’s about conquering the impossible, the improbable and the least likely. Knowing this, we might not despair so easily.
All we need is love. Even when seeking love, we need a big dollop of love for ourselves. We need to feel “sorted”, in a good place and ready for the journey. Because it’s the most exciting journey of all. Even more exciting than visiting Peru. The best we can do is to never ever ignore our inner voice. That’s our best barometer. It tells us who our match is, or even matches, as there isn’t just one match out there for us. What makes one the best match for us is usually timing. Yes, timing is king. It means that we both are at the same stage of our journey in life. Also, never fail to ask yourself if you can imagine being good friends with your potential match. Friendship is a crucial building block in relationships. If you have enough things in common to be friends and there is that spark as well, you can’t go very wrong. And the rest is history.
We were in class. My primary school crush had just passed me a little folded piece of paper quickly, before the teacher saw us. He had big brown eyes, wavy black hair and red lips. I was ten years old and I was feeling butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw him.
1. Teenage love, who can forget it?
We spoke only briefly before and rumour had it, there was another girl from our class that claimed his attention. It must have trickled down the grapevine that I fancied him, because his note said, “It’s not her I love, you.” As nervous as I was, I read “It’s her I love not, you.” Or maybe that’s what he wrote in a haste, I can’t recall, it was a very long time ago. I remember getting all fuzzy inside. He knows and he loves me back. Then doubt crept in. Does he like the other girl and I was just too quick to assume he fancies me? I quickly scribbled on the note and passed it back.”Do you love her?”, “No, I love you.” came the answer. Love was a very serious thing when I was ten. However it wasn’t meant to be. Still, I’ll never forget the butterflies, the joy and the scare his message gave me. And the fact that I dared ask. How many times in life we think we understand something, or we’re not sure and we don’t ask, thus giving way to further misunderstandings that can drive a wedge between us and our partner.
2. The older, the wiser
We’re guilty of this especially in our twenties. It’s the age of discovery, of insecurities, of shying away from seeking the truth, of emerging jealousies and storm in a teacup type of dramas. Yes, I remember my twenties all too well. I left behind a broken relationship and never really knew why it went the way it did. Years later, I asked. The answer was, “I never really understood you.” I was shocked and could say, enlightened. More often than not we just say things that come to mind. They’re the result of some intricate thinking the other side can’t see, hear or understand. The why is obvious to us, but not to them.
3. We live for drama, but is it worth it?
Misunderstandings are at the heart of every drama, soap opera or romantic novel. And they can destroy relationships. A few words said in a haste, a rumour that started from nothing, a hunch that is founded on misconception can hurt more than we think. Shakespeare’s Othello killed Desdemona over a misunderstanding. Gone With the Wind’s Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler understood each other and were suited for each other, yet she mistakenly thought that she loved another, till it was too late. Sometimes just talking isn’t enough for effective communicating. A famous reply I got from another ex as I fumed because he didn’t get the message was, “You told me but you didn’t communicate it to me.” What does that mean? Some things are more important than others. Sometimes men zoom out when we talk and all they hear is white noise. They themselves rely much more on body language when communicating. We should all learn to speak the other one’s language.
4. High expectations
Parents expect their children to read their minds. Children expect parent to read their mind. Partners often take each other for granted and expect that ultimate understanding. It doesn’t happen. The only way is effective communication. That’s why we are in awe when we meet someone who gets us. Finally we don’t have to explain most things over and again. The world becomes a better place. The sky becomes more blue. There is nothing quite like being understood. Are you?
Share with us, how do misunderstandings affect your life and relationships?
Who read my blog post “S&M – Is it Dangerous?”, will know that I promised the other week, that I’d share my adventures whilst checking out fetish club Decadence, in London.
As a stranger to the fetish, bondage and S&M scene, little did I know that the invitation to go to a club will see me and five men, some of them wearing little or an odd lot, riding in a taxi, heading to Vauxhall on a cold February night.
1. Decadence, a Club Where You Dress to Impress
“Wear something made of leather. There is an obligatory dress code.” said my mate. He’s been before and said that him and his friend will be wearing leather trousers. That’s the very minimum accepted.
I’ve rummaged through my wardrobe and came up with a black fake leather corset from one of my earlier photo shoots and a folding black fake leather mini skirt bought at Petticoat Lane Market ages ago. Black boots, my coat and I was ready to go.
We went over to his friend’s place, where all of us going would gather. The door was opened by a young tall blue eyed English guy who wore nothing more than a leather thong, a studded neck piece a policeman’s hat and….a strap on. Gulp…
He welcomed us with open arms and showed us into the living room. I was still catching my breath and wondering what party was I going to when I was offered an ice cold beer. The place was buzzing. I met the host, my Asian friend’s friend from Kashmir, sporting leather trousers and a thin leather shirt as well as his neighbour the American guy, dressed in scrubs, and their black pal, dressed in a wrestler’s combo and a cape. Myself being Eastern European, we were a very colourful cultural mix, so typical of London.
Whilst getting organised to head off, with the guys coming and going, as the neighbour guy was frantically looking for his phone, I briefly found myself alone with the English guy, who nearly left the room. However he realised it would be rude to leave me, the guest, alone, reassured me he wouldn’t and sat back on the sofa in full gear, attempting to carry on with polite conversation. So we chatted about how he loves his gardening job. What can be more natural than that?
Once the American guy found his phone, we were good to go. Jackets and long coats on, where necessary we embarked on our cab journey to a night of corruption, debauchery, depravity, self- indulgence and excess, (according to the club’s website).
2. Decadence, Is it For Couples?
And there we were in the depths of the club at Vauxhall, surrounded by people in amazing costumes, corsets, high boots, rubber outfits, fancy dresses, although most of those were worn by drag queens.
Have you ever been on a movie set? I have been on a few, even on one with actors dressed as demons and evil twins, but have never seen such artistry and dedication and so many artfully dressed topless women.
The night was young and I was here to explore, and explore I did. The club has about four separate rooms, podiums, private booths, an outside garden area for smokers and the most exciting of all, the S&M chamber.
I’ve started to navigate from room to room, only to find the bondage and spanking chamber in full swing, shortly after midnight. Again, you have that eerie feeling of walking onto a movie set. Scantily clad attractive women and men, indulging in giving and receiving pain and pleasure, as freely and as boldly as if they were all by themselves. Privacy? What’s that? The more onlookers the better, it seems. Furthermore, charming Marilyn Monroe lookalikes were making my mates hot under the collar for a while, until they came close enough for them to realise that they are actually men in drag. In other rooms, military outfits seemed to be all the rage. Not surprisingly, my English mate was one of the top offenders outfit wise, drawing more than his fair share of stares, including me. I just couldn’t take my eyes off his gorgeous bod. But that was what the night was all about, dancing, staring, friendly smiles, conversations, engaging in boot licking (not me) and sneaking away into private booths, only for couples. So, whether you’re an established couple, there to get some adoration or domination by a submissive or dominating third party, or whether you’re a newly acquainted, ad hoc couple sneaking away to the booths for a private session of seduction and pleasure, Decadence is definitely great for couples who are into this scene.
3. Decadence or Freedom of Expression
What about us, laymen or women? Why should we go to Decadence? What do we get out of this experience? Surprisingly, a lot.
I like a good party as anyone else. I love good music, a good crowd and good conversations. And most of all I like decent and respectful people. And when I say decent, I don’t mean their dress code, obviously. I mean, their manner, their behaviour. The crowd at Decadence is first of all self-respecting and respectful of others. They are a relaxed and smiley bunch. Why? Because they get to express themselves freely, to be whom they wish to be, to show what they want to show.
Thus, starting with the innocent looking 21 one year old girl from Brighton I spent a long time in the garden chatting with, continuing with the cool and relaxed chaps in various gears who joined in in our conversation, the polite and smiley hellos I got along the way, and ending with the half naked podium dancers, who were just themselves at their best, not for money but for the show, Decadence is the place where the most cherished thing is your freedom of expression.
The second most cherished thing is that you can get laid. Then and there, as I found out during the cab journey back, from no other than the American guy. It seems that scrubs and a manly hat are a killer combo. Oh, and wearing glasses.
And it seems that the innocent looking 21 year old wasn’t that innocent after all.
The highlight of the cab ride back was the English guy’s apology for his mate’s sharing too much.
“I’m sorry, you have to hear all this. Forgive him for his lack of restraint.” A gentleman all the way.
Thus, we are at our best, when free to express ourselves, whether we are a gardener, a taxi driver, a fabrics importer or a music manager. Or like me, an ex model turned dating coach.
Branding yourself was never more popular than now. So, why wait? Need help with crafting a unique and attractive online dating profile? Get in touch.
With the release of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, the film, S&M has become one of the most talked about subjects over here just as much as over the pond. And that’s by far because of the film’s success. Or, more surprisingly, it is in spite of the film’s failure to achieve reasonably high ratings. Could it be because we love to hate it, or hate to love it? I’m not sure.
Fifty Shades of Controversy
Ever since the film’s release, the comparisons with earlier similar films, the dissection of the subject, the pros and cons of the story are the theme of a constant buzz. Studies have been made and recorded on video, documenting older people’s reaction to the film’s trailer as well as to extracts from the book, written by E.L. James. Needless to say, the result was fifty shades of controversy.
What makes this subject so popular? Written by a woman, the 3 books might be pure feminine fantasy dotted with a few harsh realities, but we can’t stop but wonder what we would do if faced with similar challenges to those faced by Ana, the protagonist. Good or bad, the story of Ana brought the subject of submissiveness and domination, of sadism and masochism into mainstream culture. It managed to dilute the forbidden quality of them. And as it is, it’s here to stay. This is merely the beginning.
Who’s Your Secretary?
Anyone who’s seen the film “Secretary” with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal, must admit that it was revolutionary in that, that it brought S & M into the workplace. It also brought it into love territory. It made S & M work for a relationship. It made it work within a relationship. That’s what “Fifty Shades of Grey” is trying to make work, too. S & M within a relationship. This attempt however sets off to a rocky start and comes to a halt by the end of the first book and by the end of the movie. For a moment reality sets in. S & M is dangerous. It can be dangerous if let loose, beyond what one can bear.
S & M – When it isn’t Dangerous
Of course, pain and danger used to be its flagship. Hearing those two letters one can immediately picture dark dungeons, weird practices, shrieks and cries. You’d imagine that it’s a world populated by freakish, twisted and damaged people. But that’s not all it is about. It’s certainly inhabited by people with a wild imagination. Some might have a playful streak, others might be into extreme fashion wear, acrobatics, dominated by wild curiosity, not settling for the mundane or just liking a touch of pain. Most are people like you and me. They can be kind, generous, friendly and helpful.
And exploratory. Maybe just a step further than you and me. Do you know anyone like this?
To be continued….
Follow me next week when I’ll tell you about my adventures while checking out fetish club Decadence in London. Don’t miss.
For more related articles or for help with your online dating profile contact Laura now.
Anyone who’s ever done online dating knows that it’s a minefield. It involves a great amount of guess work. What’s tough about it is that you’re constantly faced with a “maybe”, a “ why” or a “what if” at every turn. Why doesn’t he/she write back? Why doesn’t he/she call? Why did he/she postpone? What if I said something I shouldn’t have? I wonder if/he she likes me.
What do I mean by online dating boot camp rules? The rules you date by with dignity in order to avoid compromising too much, guessing too much, and ultimately in order to avoid unnecessary heartache frustration and disappointment. Sounds good? Let’s look at some of these rules.
5 Online Dating Boot Camp Rules
1. Saying Hello and Not Only
You’ve contacted and/or replied to a prospective match and the conversation started. Your aim is to get a feel for the person. You might pick up a rhythm of 2-3 messages/emails per day. If there are only 2-3/week, you might just be a pastime for them, if there are 2-3/hour, they might have an obsessive personality. Establish your rhythm and if at all possible, leave sexting for after you meet, unless that’s all you’re after.
2. And the Conversation Flows, or Not Really
Those first days of communication are a great way of sussing out one of the most important traits we should all aim for in ourselves and others, integrity. Do they keep to schedule? Do they call or text when they said they would? Do they stick to whatever arrangements have been agreed upon or they keep changing them? Do they have time for you? Not all the the time in the world, but some time, real dedicated time. Establish what’s acceptable and what’s not in that respect. Your time is valuable as well. You’re valuable.
3. The Real Prospect of Meeting
Some of us have an invitation for coffee in our profile. A refreshing pro active approach as opposite to one that starts with a “how are you?” and can drag out forever. That’s because, unless you’re looking for a pen pal, or all you want to do is get some attention online, meeting up with a date who seems to have potential should be done sooner rather than later. No amount of online or telephone conversation can match meeting for real. Do your ground work, but aim to have that coffee, tea, or choice of beverage, walk in the park or bowling match as soon as you can. How soon is too soon or when is the wait too long? Establish a time frame that’s good for you and only compromise in case of valid reasons.
4. Your First Date is Truth Time
The bubble bursts or it doesn’t burst at all if you’re lucky. Do they look like they do in their pictures? Are they dressed well and looking tidy? What about their vibe? What about their manners? We’re not just visual persons, we also like to smell, touch and taste each other and it has to feel right. If your date appears scruffy, maybe even a touch smelling of alcohol, dare to ask the question. Were they in a hurry? Maybe they were nervous to meet you? Find out their version of events, don’t judge immediately. Same goes if they want to “hijack” the date and coffee turns into dinner, drinks, clubbing, going on the London Eye, driving you home, popping in for a night cap, you name it. Go along only with what you’re comfortable with and dare say it. Of course first dates are not for sharing too much, but are for sharing the essentials, of getting the essence of that person and offering the essence of you. Be yourself and stay true to yourself. Establish and achieve all that you can with good and open communication. What have you got to lose? And don’t forget to have fun.
5. Staying Active On The Site After a Couple of Dates – Open Discussion
The big dilemma we all struggle with is, should we communicate with several people, set up dates with a handful, or go one by one in our weeding process. What about once we started dating someone? Shall we go back to the site to have a peek? We know we can’t get away with it, we will be seen unless we have one of those incognito accounts. Of course, love at first sight is a rare bird. Of course we don’t want to be played or come across as players. In spite of this, due to the abundance of choice, it’s a hard thing to resist. Even if it is to just browse people, or to check correspondence, we go back, we question or reaffirm our current choice.
Dating sites are social sites after all. Sometimes friendships form, sometimes ideas, tips and stories are exchanged. In early dating, in the getting to know each other stage, what matters is what happens between the two of you and at what temperature. You’ll be able to tell after a few dates if you want more. Neglecting the dating site should happen gradually and wilfully. Open discussion about you and them being active on the site, if the case. Establish what is acceptable for you and what’s not. Your time and energy is valuable. You’re valuable. Make sure you communicate that.
For related articles or for help with your online dating profiles, contact Laura now.
What? You want to sleep with other people too? Oh wait, I can, as well. But how does this work? And does it work out? Open relationships seem to be for the commitment phobes, the forever wanderers, the creative arty types, for the free spirited. And they almost never work out on the long run, right? And they are so unfair.
Let’s start with the unfair, let’s start with the ugly.
What to do when you want to sleep with other people:
1. Open Relationships – the Ugly (Truth)
Why are so many men reluctant to marry? They dread monogamy. Sleeping with the same woman for the rest of their lives is not appealing. Monogamy is one of the most challenging promises men are (and in most cases aren’t) willing to make. Casual, non-committed relationships are beginning to become the norm. As it happens, more and more women are reluctant to adhere to a long term committed relationship or to marry too soon or ever. The partying years, the casual hook ups and short term relationship years are pushed out in many cases into their mid or late thirties. As for men sometimes until their fifties.
2. Open Relationships – the Bad (Way)
It used to be the 7 year itch. That’s when couples came about assessing and re assessing their relationship. Nowadays is more like 3 and a half years or less. Yes, the itch. The time when we start to wonder. Even the good guys. Even the good gals. We think about sex with other people more. We fantasize. We can get frustrated. We might want to break away, but we invested so much into our relationship. Dilemmas are born. We are torn.
Are we commitment phobes ? No, we love the safety, the comfort, the security of our relationship. We love the familiar. Sex only gets better by knowing each other more. Yet, the perspective of “together forever” might still seem daunting.
So, we cheat. And by cheating we step on a slippery slope. We start lying. We are trying to hide our transgression. We cover lies with more lies. And that’s the beginning of the end. We might make cheating a habit. We get estranged. We might get found out.The trust is broken. The relationship tanks and sometimes never recovers. It’s hard for a partner to come to terms with the fact that they’ve been in an “open relationship”, without them even knowing about it.
3. Open Relationships – The Good (Way)
What if you could do both? The long term relationship or marriage AND the casual hook ups as well. And not as mentioned above. Then how? Well, don’t delve into it right away. Even the thought that monogamy is not the only option can lift that claustrophobic feeling that could appear in time within the couple, when the honeymoon phase is over. Give it a few years to build up your relationship and make it strong.
Research into couples who are in an open relationship reveals that due to the fact that the “forbidden fruit” is actually not forbidden, it is not so avidly desired. This means that they might engage in sex with others maybe a couple of times a year, once a year or even once every few years. They do have other priorities, like building a life together, having children and progressing in their careers. How do they navigate the many pitfalls of jealousy, various insecurities and trust issues? The rules are, I wish I could say simple. They are not. What’s essential is to establish the boundaries both parties are comfortable with. There are loads of ” what if’s” within the, shall we call it “polyamory” scenario. The most valuable guideline to follow would be that you should always put your relationship first.
Think of sex with other people more like seasoning.
Beside jealousy, ego issues, insecurities and trust issues one of the most challenging aspect of an open relationship is different sex drives. Newsflash! An open relationship shouldn’t primarily be about sex! It should be about finding fulfilling ways to express and affirm our personality without disrespecting and hurting others.
I remember a scene from a movie, where the wife goes off to her tennis lessons, but not before saying hi to the dominatrix who had just arrived and is ready to take the husband into the bedroom for a session. She needed tennis, he needed…a spanking. I admit, this is not the same as when your man goes off to the pub to watch football. But if you work along the same principle that, as different people, we have different desires and expectations, one or several dimensions where our partner can’t give us what we need, then, by compromising and creating space for those dimensions the relationship can grow and become stronger. What’s most trying in a monogamous relationship is its predictability, the dreaded routine we are all in danger of falling into. By leaving the door open to other possibilities, we might just be able to make the “together forever” last.
For more related articles or for help with your online dating profiles, contact Laura now.
Women are much more natural than men, when it comes to affection. We kiss on the cheeks, we hug, we allow ourselves little transgressions like the other day my girlfriend jokingly slapped me on the butt. For us, it flows without reading much into it. So, why the straight girl’s guide to girl on girl action? For men, naturally.
The Straight Girls Guide to Girl on Girl Action
A kiss to tease.
I recently told a male friend about my trip to Asia with a girlfriend (platonic), about how we shared a room with twin beds, and how we got along famously. His eyes lit up. “Why twin beds?” was his first question. “And really nothing happened?” was his next one. His eyes were almost begging for me to enhance the mental image he had of us sharing the room and the many nights. Want to know what my girlfriend’s husband was asking her on the phone during our trip? He wanted to know what I look like for starters. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
Have I ever kissed a girl?
Yes. It was a wild New Year Eve’s party. I was truly tipsy and had some energy drinks as well. We were with a circle of friends loving the music and dancing merrily. A mate’s girlfriend and I started dancing with each other. We got physically close. Our cheeks touched. Our lips somehow brushed against one another. We must have had the same idea at the same time, which was: let’s be cheeky and show the guys some real action. We started kissing passionately, our tongues intertwined, and our mouths hungry for each other. Our male audience was watching us stunned. Then the cheers came. Our stunt was a big success. A novel New Year Eve’s party, indeed. Do try this at home.
A touch to entice.
The Romans were famous for their decadent ways. There was no TV series to show a scene or two of girl on girl action. Usually a steamy bath or a massage scene was their only option. What did the Romans know that we don’t? Well, for one, how to spice up their sex life. I’m not talking about massaging in the sun oil on your girlfriend’s back at the beach. I’m talking threesomes here. For those of you who are comfortable with the idea, I’d like to point out that the one guy, two girls scenario is a great way for women (who are much more natural when it comes to “feeling” each other) anyway to play and have fun. Not sure about kissing? Give her a massage and just watch the other man and woman have fun together. Follow up with a massage once in a while when they take a break. Allow your hands to discover her body. This way you’ll feel a part of the action at all times. Not only that, she will feel encouraged to return the favor and at times, and you’ll get double the attention. What can be better than that in a threesome?
Go the extra mile – with props!
This part is not for the faint hearted. Suppose you’re game for a threesome, but the guy, due to some unfortunate circumstances, had to cancel at rather short notice. You could both go home, or, since you’re already in the mood, you could have a go at seeing what all the fuss is about. You know how to please a man. How about pleasing a woman? Need not worry, help is at hand. For the totally brave straight girl I have a suggestion. Bring toys to the party. Take turns in playing the role of the man. You’ll realise why men break a sweat. And notwithstanding the dull ache in your lower back, you’ll feel you conquered new frontiers. More power to you both as a woman and as a “man”. And what’s best, the morning after is never awkward. All you do is have breakfast with your gal pal, before you say your good byes.
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How can you get a boyfriend who doesn’t watch football? Is that even possible, you must ask? Well, I have to consider myself a lucky woman as none of my long term boyfriends were football mania ridden. The short term ones, well I didn’t notice. I suspect I would have, if it were so obvious. How did I manage?
How to Get a Boyfriend Who Doesn’t Watch Football:
1. Get a Guy Who’s Into Car Racing
My first long term boyfriend was crazy about Formula 1. It ruled his world, the way all favourite pastimes do. I got into watching it with him when it was on TV. We didn’t go to actual Formula 1 races; they were just too far from where we lived. Thus, pay attention. If he’s really, really into another sport, that might just mean that he’s not that much or not at all into football. There’s your cue.
2. Get a Guy Who’s Into The Arts
Here I go again. Tried and tested. I met my other long term boyfriend at an acting workshop. He was into playing the guitar, acting, of course, singing and even juggling. We often went to the local pub. There were occasions when the game was on. He would sometimes text me before I arrived” I’m in the other side, as in the main pub the game is on.” Isn’t that just music to your ears? It was to mine.
3. Get a Guy Who’s Into Nature
Every now and again I imagine myself bouncing along on a dire African dirt road in my Jeep Wrangler, enjoying the fabulous view of dangerous wild life. I would, of course, need a strong and brave man, who can protect me from all the dangers. What could this man be like? He’s obviously pals with most lions around, and wrestles with them for show. He lives in a hut, or in a tree house and does not have wi-fi or Internet for that matter, better yet, he doesn’t even have a TV. We enjoy watching the sunset in the evenings and we warm our hands at an open fire. During the day he helps me care for rescued animals at the shelter. He does have a hobby though. He takes long kayaking trips down the river and gets into tight situations at every waterfall. But he manages just fine. He does skip on shaving every now and again, but I’ll trade football watching for a beard on any given day. Wouldn’t you?
4. Get a Guy Who’s Into Anything Else, But
If you’re wondering, my answer is, yes, they do exist. Guys, who are just not into football, or into team sports for that matter. They might be in the customer services field or they might work in tourism, they might like to go to the movies and or hiking, but watching group ball kicking just doesn’t float their boat. Where are they? Well, if you cast a wide enough net, you’ll be bound to find some. Don’t give up easily.
5. Get a Guy Who Actually Plays Football
Now that’s a bit of a tough love, but hey, talking about the bus man’s holiday. If he does it for a living, chances are he won’t be watching it in his free time. Chances are. Mind you, the downside is that you’ll have to watch him play, with almost no exception. Would that defeat the purpose?
Who are we kidding? Getting a boyfriend who doesn’t watch football is a tall order. However, if he’s otherwise gorgeous and that’s his only flaw, I say, forgive him. As new author George Reagan says in his book, “Masterdate: The Handy Guide To Internet Dating For Guys” sports for men is like fashion for us women, an opportunity to escape the mundane and be part of hero action. Don’t we women like to be Cinderellas who turn into princesses every time we go shopping?
Tell us what you think!
Have you ever had that awkward dating moment on your first date, when you walked up to your date and just realized that you’re somehow towering over them. What happened? You’ve decided to wear your favorite heels, the ones every gal pal of yours is raving about.
You did check your date’s height, you vaguely recall the two of you being of similar height, but once you opened the wardrobe, all previous thoughts flew out the window.
We love heels we hate heels, but we can’t resist heels. Carrie Bradshaw, we blame you.
You notice his confused look. You’re just about to say hello and exchange pecks on the cheek and it feels awkward. Get over the moment, by stepping out of one shoe, which will restore your height, do the pecks and put the shoe back on. If he’s got a good sense of humor he’ll appreciate it. Better yet, it might even become a funny conversation starter like”Hey, do you always take your shoes off when you meet your date?” However, if you’ve got boots, it’s another story. Bring your boots to the party. Mention the fact that they might be high heeled, but they’re your favorites and you hope he doesn’t mind you strutting in them. It could make him feel special.
2. The Meeting Place is a Venue That is Closed.
You’ve arrived at the venue. The door is looked, the windows are dark, you peer in to see an abandoned space and wonder if it’s a bad joke. Especially since your date apparently lives just around the corner. You might feel awkward standing there shifting your weight from one leg to the other. Don’t. Venues appear and disappear in a flash if business goes down. Call him or text him straight away and agree on a new meeting spot or just meet there and walk somewhere together.
3. He Doesn’t Look Like His Profile Photo
You’ve arrived a touch early to the pub and it’s a cold November evening. You decide to go in and have a drink. There are a few people around the bar, some men on their own. Also there is a new one coming through the door every 2 minutes. You’re trying to figure out which one is him, based on his profile photo. Is it him, the one with the green jacket? Or him, with the piercing blue eyes? Surely, it’s the one with dark brown hair. You decide to call him, to see who’s phone rings. Nobody’s in the room. However the next man through the door is holding the phone to his ear, looks at you and starts walking in your direction. Could that be him? The resemblance is minimal. After the initial greet, you blurt out that he doesn’t much look like his photo. Of course not, he’s grown a short beard. He gets into the defensive and returns the favor. You don’t look like your photo either. “Really?” you say. “Maybe because my hair is now curly.”But what you think is, ouch, do you look worse? He must be thinking the same. Awkward. The best is to laugh it off. Joke about it, since we’re not talking about being 20 pounds or 20 years different (and we know that happens a lot too). Just ask “Does your twin brother always send you on his dates?” And for good measure, add “My twin sister does that all the time.” Even if he believes you for a split second, you’re bound to get a smile in the end.
4.You Want To Meet For Coffee, He Wants a Drink
I don’t know how it is with you, but I find waiting for a guy in a bar rather awkward. I much prefer a coffee shop for that matter. Why wait? Well you give yourself time while travelling. You don’t want to be late. Chances are you get there first. Ogling strangers by yourself in a bar is just not fun, is it? He doesn’t do coffee. Awkward. Get over the moment quickly, by suggesting that he can meet you in the coffee shop and you can both walk over to a nearby pub or bar. Job done.
5.The Awkward Dating Moment When You Share Too Much
We have a work CV, a bio and more recently an online dating CV. Everybody wants to know about how did you end up on a dating site, how long you’ve been there and what’s your experience of it. As if it were a weird experiment. Which it is, no doubt, but it’s a sign of the times. Thus, embrace it and go with it.
If you kept your dating dairy details at a bare minimum and you find that he’s talking about the ex wife’s mental illness, or her cheating ways, or about sex positions with his longest fling, it’s awkward. Get over the moment, by writing him off as someone not ready to date yet. And suddenly you can relax as you don’t have to work on your date impressions any longer. Cut the evening short before too many drinks, unless you fancy the pants off him, despite his blabber. It’s been known to happen.
6. Mid Date You Realize You Want Different Things
He wrote to you about his hectic lifestyle, his travels and about the fact that he’s looking for a relationship. You meet, he buys the drinks. They’re followed by dinner. He doesn’t talk much. So, you talk to fill the silence. And as the drinks pile up you try, and in your opinion, manage fairly well to be ever so funny. And then it dawns on you. He’s not here for you to get to know him. He just wants a lay. Awkward.
Regroup. The bill arrives. You offer to chip in. He refuses, but your message is clear. You’re not the entertainer for the night any longer. You buy him a night cap and you put it in words as well. Gently. Just so there are no misunderstandings.
7. He Won’t Take His Eyes Off You
You liked his photo. He has deep blue eyes. The trouble is that he doesn’t take his eyes off you for a second. For him, connection is paramount. And you can only blame yourself, since the moment you met, you locked lips passionately. That’s what weeks of emailing can do to some.
It can build up expectations to a mighty high.
Do you feel the connection you felt when emailing? Erm, not really. Awkward. Get over it quickly, by suggesting to go to a gallery or a movie. There you can both stare at something else. Or excuse yourself and cut the date short. Pre booked phone calls with friends who check on you aren’t a bad idea after all.
8. He’s at the Same Dating Event After He Shunned You
You’ve gone out once and he never called. And there he is, at the same speed dating event you’ve signed up for. Awkward. You can confront him. You can pretend you’ve never met. Or you can just get over the moment quickly by acknowledging that the world is a small place and character is a precious commodity. Just the same, if you’ve left someone hanging without telling them where they stand, be prepared to bump into them any time anywhere, or better yet, pick up that phone.
And here is and awkward dating moment we yet have to find a way to get over quickly: He suddenly approaches and kisses you and you press your lips together in defense. Awkward.
Words can mask feelings, but body language is much more telling. What would a quick way of getting over the moment be? The challenge is yours. Tell us your take.