A Scandalous You!

SCANDALOUS

You nasty, trifling, skanky girls! This is to all the ladies who find it amusing to try and hook up with someone else’s man. Relationships are not a game, and should not be taken lightly. This is for anyone of you who go out and try to destroy relationships speaks volumes of your character.

Insecurity is not flattering

Women who play with emotions are them who are emotionally damaged. Do not think for one second you are proving a point, saving another woman, or helping out in anyway. You do this on purpose for your own selfish reasons. I can understand when a lady is kept in the dark and had no idea the man she was dating was already taken. I’m not talking about that! I am talking about those women who are so unhappy they have no problem making someone else miserable. I normally do not go for insecurity; however, something needs to be said for this topic. Remember insecurity is not a flattering look on you so maybe you should look within and question why you are doing this.

Both of you are guilty…

Guys you are just as much to blame as the ladies! If you are taken and interact with someone else other than your significant other, then you are guilty. Guilty of cheating even if no physical contact was involved. Emotional connection or inappropriate communication has forgone a bond between you and your partner. Be a man and protect your lady from hurtful people like this! If you truly love her, most important do not qualify, make up excuses, or point the finger. Instead take responsibility for your actions.

You’re not helping!

 

Do not reach out to the man’s girlfriend and act like you are helping her out, you know you are not helping anything. Deliberate pain is a form of emotional abuse that you are inflicting on a total, unexpected, unprovoked bystander. The amazing thing of it all is that you even try to justify your actions by qualifying your behavior. Nothing you say is helpful! Let’s get that straight! Instead what happened is you got shot down, and with some incriminating evidence you “help” the other girl out! You are not helping, but instead you are just as bad as the man who kept that interaction going. The crazy thing is those inflictions stem from whatever it was that happened to you. The question is… Who hurt you? No one should be hurt so badly they want to repay the favor. I heard a lady say “he’s not married!” That might be true, but it is NOT your place to decided where the relationship is headed. This is important to know that you will always be disrespected by the guys you date, and no man wants to settle down with someone who cannot calm down.

Relationships are not a game

Ladies this puts you in a viscous cycle of dating someone who is taken, and never having a fulfilling relationships. Stop saying shady comments like “he’s not married”, “is he wearing a ring”, “I’m doing you the favor that he is a bad guy”, etc. We all want what we cannot have, that allure and curiosity that entices us, because of the intriguing nature. It is important to remember that relationships are not a game, and the games that are played can seriously hurt someone. Intentional behavior means it is done purpose and/or deliberately. That means you are intently hurting someone and even possibly multiple people for your enjoyment. That is not okay! Identify those problematic areas, and do what is necessary to improve them so you may have a happy and successful relationship. How would you feel if you found the love of your life was playing with someone like you had once done? What goes around comes around.

Have a great one,

Tracy

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Who Pay’s?

who pays

Times are Changing

Times have changed to where women are now asking men out. However, for whatever reason, the expectations of who pays have not. This is unrealistic! He who asks, pays. Ladies if you ask a man out, make sure you are ready to flip the bill as you would expect him to pay if he asked you out. So many women complain that chivalry is dead when, in fact, it’s the women who have changed the rules. Equality means expect what you’re willing to give. To expect something for nothing is insanity! Now men, you should always practice basic manners; now that means pulling out her chair, open her door, and stand when she leaves the table. This shows respect and appreciation for her. No matter if this is your first date or years into the relationship, making sure you’re both treating each other with respect needs to be priority. You should both bring something to the table. This is done by matching each other; splitting the bill, offering to pick up the tip, etc. Never expect something you yourself cannot give and always offer to help.

Appreciate Eachother

Couple with drinks in restaurant, woman giving man credit card

This shows your appreciation, respect, and the ability to collaborate with each other. There will be instances where you or him will want to plan a special trip or a night out, then DO NOT expect anything from you partner. This would be the one of the times that you’ll be solely responsible for the bill unless they offer to help. This is not a 50/50 split it is more like picking up the tip or something small. Never expect something in return for your generosity and always be mindful of the others feelings. One can feel taken advantage of or unappreciated for their generosity, that can start to create tension. This is a good way for a great relationship to fail real fast. Most marriages end due to money issues, so if you can’t get it together before then, what does that say for you? When sole responsibilities are put on one individual, it doesn’t say much for the other person. Making sure equality, courtesy, respect, and generosity are shared will make for a successful date and possible relationships. We all want someone we can share our life with, so why wouldn’t you show them what a great partner you will be?

Have a great one,

Tracy

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Selfish Lovers

SELFISH LOVERS

Here is something that is not only important but consequential because their reaction is unknown territory. Now what I’m about to say is directed to all you selfish lovers out there, and that’s to knock it off! Selfish lovers are painfully ignorant to others not just sexually but in life over all. What I have noticed are that those who are selfish know they are, and don’t care. However, if you have a selfish lover on your hands tell them because it is possible that they are unaware. Once that confirmation is brought to fruition make sure you work towards your lover’s needs as much as your own. Sex is not a toy for you to use just to get your rocks off. This selfishness is concerning because this shows a behavioral pattern that is purely one sided. With no care or concern for others makes it difficult to further and construct a healthy relationship. Selfish lovers have no connection to the relationship but instead their own physical needs. This makes it difficult for them to not just connect with you, but to anticipate your needs. If you are involved in a relationship with a selfish lover it’s best to talk to them and nip that in the butt! They don’t know they are being selfish, because they can’t see past themselves. It’s a paradoxical idea, but it’s real difficult for them to see what they’re doing and how it’s affecting you. No matter if your relationship is solely based on the physical or have a strong foundation this is not an easy topic to speak about. This is mainly because it can feel like a letdown or negatively causing the individual to become put off or even defensive.

On the other hand, if you know that you’re a selfish lover you are doing more harm than good for your relationship. If you can even say that’s what you have… You should never play with a person’s feelings because you never know how they may react. Making it difficult for them to recover and move on to a healthier more stable relationship all because of your selfishness. Before you go to bed with your significant other ask “is there anything you like that I may not be doing”? Then shut up and listen.

Be good and treat each other right!

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Find Another Pond

FIND ANOTHER POND

Dating is supposed to be fun but somehow we’ve turned it into a stressful and frustrating event. Have you noticed a pattern? Are you stuck with the same type of person over, and over again expecting something different? Have you given up hope on finding love? Well maybe it is time to finish in another pond. Stop going after the same qualities as the last expecting a different outcome, that my friend is the definition of insanity! Go after a someone who is opposite from what you’re used to. This will give you an opportunity to see what the world has to offer. You’ll never know unless you try! People will surprise you and you might surprise yourself by experiencing something different, opening yourself up to new ideas all by exploring another side of you. Hope is not lost in dating, it just takes a little work and effort on your behalf. While looking for something new don’t bend your boundaries, and keep your deal breakers. Don’t ever change yourself to fit your partner instead find a partner that defines you. We should always complement one another and never overcast each other. In the end a shadow is a shadow no matter who’s it is. We all know shadows look great on the wall not hanging over, diminishing others.

Find that person who makes you feel like a million dollars just by looking at you.

Find that person who no matter what sticks by your side, and find that person…. You finish it. Stop putting so much stress and pressure on yourself to find the right one, instead go have fun with new people. You’ll never know unless you try. We live in a world of variety, so why are you sticking to the same flavor? Try something new and give yourself a chance to define who you are in the process. People might surprise you!

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Understanding Cheaters

Understanding Cheaters

Many people have their own views, reasoning, and understanding of cheating. What is missing are the facts which are why they cheat, who’s more likely, and understanding a cheaters mind. In Psychology Today it states that 90% of Americans believe infidelity is unacceptable, yet 30-40% of people engage in infidelity (Billi Gordon Ph.D.). This poses the question, then why do they do it? There are five reasons founded to cause cheating.

 

Individual Reasoning

This is where the person or “cheater” themselves have no real reason behind their behaviors. It could be the fear of monogamy which has been known to produce anxiety, and panic like attacks knowing they will remain with only one-person. Fear of being “tied down” where they might feel trapped causing a rebellion like outlook. Individual reasoning does not discriminate this can inflict men and women. The understanding is that they are placed in a situation causing and irrational fear that “normal” relationships cannot comprehend. This leaves that individual guilt-free and able to move on from their current situation without remorse. These individuals are identified and serial daters. They do not committee, but they will let you think they are. Be careful when involving yourself with these types of individuals.

 

Gender Reasoning

Science has indicated the men are more likely to cheat then women, because of their testosterone level. Before eyes start to roll let’s try and understand how chemicals in the body can change, alter, and even coerce an individual’s actions. So what is testosterone? This is a male chemical compound that are directly related to personality, mood, and aggression (Sherry Baker). Age, stress, and personal health are in direct correlation with testosterone increases and decreases in men. This is where men get their swagger, libido, drive, and focus. If testosterone is high they are more active and confident, and if their testosterone is low they become less engaged. So ladies if you notice your man more sexually aroused, full of energy, and confident these are indicators his testosterone levels are elevated. This is by no means an excuse to cheat, but it could be a reason why. So instead of jumping to conclusions “he doesn’t love me”, “I’m not good enough” etc. Instead find out why he stepped out, and try to go from there. This could help identify a possible issue, and help rebuild a dip in the relationship.

 

Personality Reasoning

We all look for personalities traits in a mate, but did you know there is a type of personality that could leave you heartbroken? Sociopaths, Narcissism, and Addictive behaviors are all indicative to problematic love lives. These individuals feel no remorse, have no understanding of others around them, and can mimic affection without ever feeling it. These individuals are difficult to identify, and leave many people in their wake. You cannot change, convince, or help them because of their inability to connect to another person. Do not invest too much time with these types of individuals because not only will you suffer, but the likelihood of abuse starts to looms. He will perform the most impressive mental acrobatics in order to make it seem as if others are the cause for his terrible behavior (Sarah P. ). They place blame on you, they are unable to identify their wrong doing, and you can easily predict their future actions. If you knew then what you know now, what would you do? That question would be irrelevant due to your ability to predict your lover’s future actions. These types of people are hard to leave, but it’s crazy to stay.

Relationship Reasoning

Many people have problems in their relationships, but is it enough to cause someone to cheat? I’m sure many you would say no, but there are other pressures involved. Finances being the major reason, but what about education? There are mismatched couples. They are unable to communicate properly, fight consistently, and even develop enmeshed and diffused boundaries stemming from their background e.g. education, social economic, etc. This type of coupling has an individual who is dominate, abrasive, and self-assure where their partner is meek and defused from the relationship. With such differences either one within this type of relationship could become the cheater. One might feel like they are out of the other person’s league, and their partner might feel under appreciated. Relationship reasoning’s can go either direction out of sheer self-preservation and ego.

 

Situational Reasoning

This can fall under so many different spectrum i.e. love, money, abuse, distance, etc. Cheating is something that is done with intent! You don’t accidentally slip and fall into someone. Just like you don’t accidentally stop loving someone it takes purpose and a drive to act. So if you are in a situation that is toxic, abusive, or dangerous it is important to know that you are NOT at fault! If you no longer love someone it is part of your relationship to communicate that. Money is the root of all evil but it is the main demon we all hunt for so we can live. Distance is easily overcome when your heart is truly in it. We can make up excuses on why their partner cheated. Remember to first look at the situation, because there are many facets involved. Then ask, can we be saved? Is our relationship worth it? There is no black or white, but red and blue. Our hearts bleed for our loved ones. Our tears stream when hope is lost. Emotions are sensitive, but over time wounds heal, hearts mend, and life reignites us when it’s time.

 

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Get Your Guy to Listen Up

Get Your Guy to Listen Up

Okay ladies, how can you tell if your man listens to you? If it is followed up by a lot of uh huh, ok, or oh really? This should be an indicator that he is not listening, nor is he interested in what you are talking about. It is difficult for men to become invested in the conversation for a few reasons.

He is not listening to you, because….

1.      He does not need the whole story
2.      He does not see the point
3.      He has something better to do

He is listening to you, when….

1.      The conversation becomes interactive
2.      His responses are immediate
3.      Repeats what you just said

Do not test him on what was just said!

Instead ask him his thoughts or wait for a response. If no response is given, then maybe he does not have one. This is bad to say, but guys are in the moment kind of people. If you need to explain the whole story to him he starts to lose interest about 2 minutes in. The best way to communicate with your man is let him know you need to talk, and get right to the point. He does not need or want the full story. Instead let him know why you are sad, upset, or angry. Then follow it up right away by asking him for his feedback. Sometimes like women; men can focus on the irrelevant parts of the story. If you do not know why you are upset and just need to talk or vent let him know, but do not expect a response. This is just time for you to get something off your chest. That’s all! Do not get mad at him for not knowing what to say. Chances are you did not pose a question or provide a position for him to take, instead it was just word vomit that he cannot make head or tails of it.

Ladies please stop interrupting your man while he is watching the game, golfing, or out with his friends. We all know you do not need to talk during those times! Instead carve out some time for you two to sit down, and talk. If it is something important enough to interrupt, then let him know what is going on right away. Guys feel like they HAVE to focus solely on you, and can get overwhelmed, and he will start ignoring you. Gain his focus, this can be done by saying “I need your input on something” or “how would you handle this” or “I need you to comfort me because…” these are all good indicators for him that he is going to need to pay attention. Guys do get distracted by their surroundings and what you are wearing. This sounds crazy, but it is true. If a television is on behind you, the likelihood of him listening, go down. If you are at a place with a television, then place his back to it so you have a better chance with talking to him. Strategic positioning is very important to do in order to have a better chance at a good conversation with you man! Because you know he will not turn his back to you just to watch what is on the monitors. He will want to, but he won’t.
If you are out for a nice romantic dinner, and you look sexy the last thing on his mind is talking about your day (in great detail). Instead it is going to lead to; how you look, what else you want to do tonight, and how gorgeous you are. These are not bad things, just bad timing. That is time to focus on you two instead of issues or problems you have cooking in your head. Take that time to be with each other, because that is your time to bond. I can guarantee you that once you get wrapped up in the moment, those unimportant things will just float right out your mind. That is never a bad thing!

Guys be a little more attentive!

If your lady needs to talk look her in the eyes, and say “how can I help”. Listen to what she is saying, and focus on the problem not her “nagging” as many men would like to say. Yes, guy’s women like to talk, but they love to know their man is a great supporter even if she is just sad for no reason. Women go through changes, and sometimes we do not know our man is there to hold us during these times. You do not necessarily need to say anything other than “I’m here for you”. Please do not ask her “what do you want from me” or “what do you want me to say”, that is the ultra-fast track to the dog house. Sometimes we do not know what we want other than for you to look at her and say “have I told you how beautiful you are today”. This helps calm our nerves and focus on how selfless you are.

Try to be patient with one another by understanding that there is a such thing as bad timing. Guys do not assume she just wants to “nag or complain” when there could very well be something wrong. Ladies start using your friends for girlfriend problems, and stop using your men! These poor guys do not know or understand what is cooking in your head only your girlfriends do. They are your best source for whining, crying, complaining, etc. Here are some things your guys are good for. Asking for help to fix the electronics, direct Q&A, and sex. Those you cannot get from your bff.

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Dating Your Friends

dating your friends

So many men and women believe if they are friends first they have a better chance at a successful relationship with one another. However, this is not true! Good relationships come from effort. Being friends first can be a positive only if sex is not involved, but get real! Like that’s going to happen! So take it slow! When friends start dating it is important to understand each other’s expectations and possibilities. Doing this before sex is introduced will help develop a healthier relationship. Developing an emotional relationship instead of a physical one gives the opportunity for a good relationship to thrive. The simple reason is when intimacy is introduced, it escalates one’s emotions. Even after one sexual encounter women become emotionally vested making it very difficult for her to pursue another. Where men might not. Although men might have feelings about the relationship they thrive more on the physical aspect. The “connection” is not as evident to men as women. The time men become vested in a relationship is when they see a real prospect in marriage or some type of invested committed relationship. Always weigh out the pros and cons before dismissing the idea, because it is not necessarily a bad thing to date your friends, however it should be entered into with the utmost awareness.

The main concern is what if the relationship fails, what is next?

Some cases it is not only the relationship that is over, but the friendship is over as well. What happens if you start dating others? Do you get jealous? These are difficult because of that bond that was once there. Hanging out with someone who seen your most intimate and valuable moments is difficult to come back from. Those emotional attachments are what drives us in finding and keeping a mate for all their possibilities. Like other important topics it is necessary to talk about all those what “what if’s”. This will help identify fears, questions, and expectations. A great relationship comes with time, effort, and patience. There is never a head start, short cut, or easy way to a successful relationship.

Are you able to remain friends?

Yes, some individuals can go back to being friends, however this is a double edge sword. If neither friend see an issue in becoming friends again, you might want to think about those you date after. Relationships end once your new partner finds out you, and your friend used to date. Not because they are insecure, crazy, or jealous but because there is always a lingering thought. Will they get back together? You can say no all you want, but there is nothing that will change their mind. This is because friends are those who you go to for emotional support, and does not exceed that. Intimacy surpasses that friendship definition. You can lie to yourself all you want, but there is always a possibility. The reason being is that you have allowed them to be a part of you that not all friends get. Once you open your heart to someone it is very hard to close it, especially in vulnerable moments, right after a break up. This is why friends shouldn’t let friends text or call while drinking, because you’re not thinking clearly. This makes it difficult for the other person to understand your intentions.
If you take anything from this please, please, please remember this. When you hear someone say at a wedding “I’m marrying my best friend” that does not mean literally. That means they found someone they are so close to they are the first choice to go to when in need of support and honesty. Like a best friend. Don’t use friendship as the fast track instead remember all relationships take time, work, and effort.

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Lets Talk About Sex

lets talk about sex

Yes, Salt n’ Papa had it right! Let’s talk about sex, because this is one of the most important conversations a couple, lovers, and yes even one night stands will ever have. No matter your relationship title you should always talk about sex! Expectations, your willingness, turn-ons, and deal breakers to help the other person know how to please you. Ladies don’t expect him to know what will please you, because you’re the only one who knows those bedroom secrets. Guys want to know what makes you wet, turns you on, and keeps you going. This is important to their confidence and ego, so if they can’t do any of those things for you then they think it’s them, when it’s you! Give them a fighting chance to make your night unforgettable. Even though men connect physically they still have pleasure sensors just like you. So ask him what he likes and how he likes it. I believe what’s fair is fair and you can’t get yours without him getting his, because it’s never nice when only one person gets off.

Men please don’t assume you know what you’re doing.

Because every women is different. If you don’t feel like you’re getting the job done it’s probably because you’re not! Ask her, what do you like? How can I please you? Something! Here’s a secret about women, we don’t want to hurt your feelings and we don’t like to be disappointed. As confusing as that may be it’s the best way to get through a dry spell, lack of interest, and the dreaded faking it. Take a moment and talk about what you can do for her, and what you would like her to do for you.

Ideas for you both to enjoy.

Toys, lotions, music, chocolate, it’s all a good idea! Cuddle, caress, kiss, and even flirt with one another. It’s called foreplay for a reason, so play with each other! This is a part of the desire that women love to feel. It’s not meant to make you work, but to keep her feeling desirable. No shortcuts. Women like to hear they’re beautiful but don’t let it be the only thing, because it does get old after a while. Men, I’m sorry if this sounds like it’s all on you. Half the battle is getting through to women on talking about sex. Ladies if you’re not enjoying your partner maybe you should stop, and think if there is something not being said. Instead of having unsatisfying sex, and turning to your vibrator tell him where you need him, he will appreciate you more for that. Communication is part of sex so you should share in it to make your sex life better, and most of all have fun!
Have a great one,
Tracy

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

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Don’t Fight It

dont fight it

So many people

Go through life looking for love with no avail so if you notice that you are changing it could be that you found “the one”. It is important to say that we as individuals change to better ourselves not because the other person said so, but because we want to be at our best for that person. Old habits start to die off, a broader outlook on life starts to come into focus, a realization starts to appear when the other person is gone. It’s no longer the person you’re seeing instead it’s your best friend. Butterflies fill your stomach with the utter of their name, your heart skips by the sound of their voice, and daydreaming has come back from your childhood existence. These are all signs that love is right around the corner. Don’t run, fight, bicker, or fear from a life evolvement instead embrace the change and growth with the one who has captured your thoughts and heart.

Remember

You don’t always have to see eye to eye, but you do need to work together. When you realize the person is worth the fight then it’s time to acknowledge you might of found your match. Every relationship has their ups and downs but the real relationship, no matter their downs, will always have more ups. I love you automatically replaces I’m sorry, every time. Arguments become trivial and funny after a quick review. Along with kissing, it is no longer the starting point for sex, but instead it is full of passion, warmth, intimacy, and depth. The occasional misunderstanding, you might need to agree to disagree, but you will always come back to one another. Don’t fight what you can’t control, instead embrace the realization that your half found its whole.

Have a great one,
-Tracy-

Tracy Limon
I am currently working towards my MS in Family and Marriage Therapy emphasizing my studies in human sexuality. I help identify problematic areas that men and women face individually or in relationships. I’ve recently started blogging to utilize my education and help others identify those differences, mistakes, and bad habits that they have yet to conquer. It is my belief that we need to understand our own expectations before we can place expectations onto others.

Read more