How to Connect with Men

connecting with men

As a woman, have you ever thought that if a man is paying attention, he should be able to figure out what you want? He should know what makes you happy? He should “get” how you like to give and receive love? Unless you are dating a mind reader, that is never going to happen. Biologically speaking they are just wired different than women. All of those subtle little hints or long-winded explanations are a waste of time. He will respond better to a more direct yet feminine approach. You have to learn how to ask for what you want in a non-threatening way. You have to clue him in to what makes you happy. And when he does what makes you happy, you need to keep letting him do it. Not before you reward the good behavior however. Without reward, a man will lose interest, so there has to be excitement or enthusiasm coming from the woman. Sometimes it can be as simple as a thank you. Appreciation and acknowledgement of a man is like a piece of jewelry to a woman.

How to Connect with Men:

how to connect with menVery simply put, men like to win. You are, to him, a prize and he wants the chance to please you. He wants to win your love, respect and affection. Keep in mind that as a woman, you are not hard-wired nor were you necessarily raised to be competitive. Men are. Women often think of competition or winning as something quite different than a man. So stop “competing” for his affection. His work, interests, friends, family, etc.; none of this is something to work against. Somewhere in that list of things, he is already competing with himself, something or someone else. Your role is to find what he is passionate about and where, how and when he feels like he is “a winner”. Tap into that innately masculine emotion and connect with him on that level. Because he wants to feel that you are interested in his feelings and what he enjoys in life, being interested in his passions and wins will get him excited. That excitement is then associated with you as well.

Happy is where it’s at.

Who you need to be is a grownup – a self-assured, confident woman, who is happy and authentic. This starts long before you enter a relationship. It is all of the people, things, goals and dreams that fill you up without the presence of a partner. A man wants to fall in love with that woman! Not a “temporary dating version” of you that is a front. Your pre-relationship happiness is essential in keeping said relationship for the long term. It is also extremely important to hold on to that happiness and continue to have a fulfilling life outside of your relationship. Do not change directions and divert your happiness solely on to him or the relationship itself. When you become the woman who ditches friends and skips otherwise regular joys in your life, a man will see this as dependent and/or needy behavior. This is a relationship killer.

Another common killer and risky behavior(s) is to hold back or give too freely in the early stages of relationships.

Often women do a couple of things that are confusing.

  1. You front as the “cool chick” and then do an about face into overly honest too quickly. You share too much because you are trying so hard to make yourself that prize that you know he wants. What you don’t realize is this is actually de-valuing your worth to him. Not that you aren’t great, but essentially you cut “the chase” short. You left nothing to be discovered or desired.
  2. You literally hold back. Here is where you need to let go of every past disappointment and all of the “what if I get hurt” projections. Come to a place of happy medium. Being open and honest, without trying too hard or literally chasing him down is near perfection in a man’s mind. He wants that effortless effort of your best self. He appreciates the authenticity and removal of guesswork.

How do you establish value?

Coming into a relationship happy and fulfilled is step number one. Next you must be positive in your mindset. You’re a prize and you will act and expect to be treated as such. Establish boundaries early on. Know what you want and what is unacceptable. Lastly and most important, have other options and do not be afraid to walk away if you are not being treated in a way that you deserve. Resolve to keep those promises to yourself. A real man will see and sense all of this and respect you so much more for it.

Lisa Schmidt
Lisa Schmidt is a dating & relationship coach, contributor to The Huffington Post , coffee addict, Periscoper, super mom and universe-denter, based in Detroit, MI.

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