You are ready to go on another date but the last time you went on one it was a disaster. As a matter of fact the last 5 dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! Bad Dates can include a variety of circumstances dealing with lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behavior or something embarrassing that may have happened.
We ALL have our stories:
One guy I had dated a few times went up to use my bathroom, came down 10 minutes later and said he had to leave! WTF? I couldn’t find anything incriminating in my medicine cabinet. Talk about a Seinfeld episode! I went cycling on another first date and spun out in the gravel, fell off my bike & ended up at the hospital! Another memorable time, my date got pissed off at something he didn’t agree with, quickly paid the restaurant bill and didn’t even stop the car to let me out at my front door. I now refer to that as my “tuck & roll” bad date!
Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut starts churning, don’t go there! Even a text can show red flags!
10 Things to be Aware of on a First Date:
- Are they attentive to you & are you attracted to them?
- Did they make an effort with their appearance and compliment yours?
- Is the conversation shared equally or does it feel like an interview? Is it all about them?
- Are they respectful and polite throughout the date? What did their body language say?
- Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too serious?
- Did they follow through on the original date plans and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
- Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
- Did they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
- How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow freely or is awkward or forced? (Opposites may attract but they seldom stay together.)
- Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them & really want to see them again? Make sure there is a fit and don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.
What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?
Many people are too nice or shy to say anything controversial when things aren’t going well. It is always a good idea to tell them you have a 2 hour time limit on the first date so that they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them. Always be in control of your entrance and departure in the early stages of meeting someone for safety purposes.
No matter how many texts or phone calls you may have had with them, you still don’t know them yet. (There are some pretty good manipulative writers out there.) Don’t get sucked into their smooth talking ways until you have met them face to face. Eye contact will tell you a lot about a person!
Should you be Honest if your Date is Rude?
Most people do not know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date is awful they just walk away and let it go as an experience they don’t want to repeat! You could make a difference in their life by tactfully telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Some people really don’t know how they come across to others. You may have been put in their path to teach them something about themselves.
Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves but also what we can do for someone else.
I was introduced to a guy through a friend who spent our entire first date on the phone. After an hour went by I got up from my seat, went over to the server, paid my share of the bill and left without a word. I am not sure he even noticed. He had no respect for me or my time and didn’t even hold up a finger to silently apologize. It was obviously something he did regularly and thought nothing of it. I was offended but got over it quickly. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behavior or take it too personally. It’s their stuff to deal with and some people are just rude; plain and simple.
One of the ways to prevent some disaster dates is by pre-screening and really paying attention to the initial way they interact with you!
- Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth. People lie all the time! Also be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they may have for you. Talk to them on the phone first before meeting them and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
- Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some sort of social media tool like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. If it’s out there in cyberspace it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
- Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately many men & women make the mistake of not really hearing what is being said on the first few dates and could save themselves a lot of time and energy seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
- Cocktails may make you loosen up on a date but alcohol changes up what we perceive about a person and how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine but if you want to get the real version of who they are, coffee is a much better choice on that first date.
Too many embarrassing things happen when alcohol enters the picture too early. (Just watch a few episodes of “The Bachelor or Bachelorette” reality show to see what I mean!)
- Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, how much money they have, what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly and how many people they have slept with! They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.
When Planning a First Date:
- Always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather or something that may be uncomfortable for your date.
- Be organized, follow through and always respect their time. Do not bail last minute on a date because something better may have come up!
- We all have first date insecurities so the more information they have regarding the date particulars will put them at ease because there will be no surprises. They will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners) if they should eat beforehand and can look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date venue you chose.
- Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before. It puts them at ease knowing you haven’t forgotten about it and that you are thinking about them & looking forward to seeing them.
Dating can be a great experience if you are smart and observe each scenario with clarity. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind but don’t spend time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!
It should be a natural fit that flows without too many questions or a thousand compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love; treat it with the same patience & determination as you would with any other goal in your life; it’s always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.
Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Blogger/Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist, Interviewer & Certified Life Coach. She attended BCIT in Burnaby, B.C. for studies in Broadcasting. Susan is an Advice Columnist @ Dear Sybersue which is also the title of her book available at Amazon, Itunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and many other book platforms. Susan was recently named a VIP member of Worldwide Branding. This special distinction honors individuals who have shown exceptional commitment to achieving personal and professional success. Susan has devoted her career to helping others find happiness. Over the past decade she has established a stellar reputation as a sought-after dating & relationship expert, advice columnist, blogger & interviewer. She is best known for hosting a lifestyle talk show for an International audience on YouTube and has garnered more than 1.3 million views which consists of interviews, dating/relationship/lifestyle advice & comical skits. She is also an EXPERT Writer & Dating Adviser at examiner.com. She makes you think!