Why do some pretty girls become pretty women and are single by age 40 when they want
to be married? Hold on to your hats and glasses folks here’s the answer. They’re not
crazy or bipolar or damaged goods; oh contra-ire, they are the girls who had waaay too
many options. Pretty inspires options as you can imagine. So much so, these pretty gals
never developed their very own and personal dating profile of their wants and more
importantly, needs. They became serial daters, floating from one boy-toy to the next.
Dating the most popular, the coolest, the most athletic—the who’s who’s of their senior
Yearbook. These were the boys who fearlessly approached these pretty girls, undaunted
by their staggering good looks or icy stares. These girls liked the boys who weren’t
intimidated by anything–even her loathsome friends. The problem is some of these guys
aren’t smart enough not to be intimidated, and these pretty women unwittingly get stuck
with the same old dud in different clothes every time. Eventually, said, pretty girl
realizes that her guy is full of hot air, but she’s invested too much time and energy and…
love to even consider turning back.
Our pretty gal is stuck in a pattern that carries over into her adult life. By the time the
cycle is recognized and broken, time has clicked by at warp pace, and those modelesque
beauties are past their prime, knocking on 40’s gate. I realize how offensive that sounds,
but I’m only referring to dating habits. I am not saying life is over! In fact, 40 is a
phenomenal time for women! It’s when many women become comfortable in there own
skin and come into their own. The conundrum is for other women, 40 marks a time when
they thought their love life would be more “settled”. They didn’t think they would be on a
dating web site, or “on the scene” trying to make a love connection. Some of these
women woke-up around age 38 wondering why they aren’t married. Then, they look
back in an attempt to understand why, only to see a trail of tears, in reference to all the
broken hearts they left behind. Some will call-up that one old flame that they believe still
harbors love for them in an effort to “make a go of it”, but are shocked to find bitterness
and resentment, where there was once undying love. Reason being, this guy has sat back
and postulated: “…the only reason she wants me now is because she’s exhausted all her
other options. I don’t want to be leftovers.” I actually don’t think this scenario happens
super often, but all pretty girls should be aware that it could happen to you. Tread
carefully with this old lover.
Pretty Women are created differently…
Some pretty women acquire multiple degrees; focus on their careers, while enjoying a
smorgasbord of suitors. They get a thrill from controlling a man with the bat of her eyes,
excited to reject him because he dare not be as perfect as she perceives him to be.
Beautiful women are told a million times how perfect they are at a very young age.
Pretty also means perfect, in “pretty girl” speak, in case you didn’t know. Pretty women
believe that lie far longer than they should. Pretty women also learn at a young age that
their good looks can get them into boardrooms and events many men and other women
are excluded from. They use that to their advantage to gain wealth and have fun! I know
scores of these women and they all conclude that they looked up and realized they were
still alone and tired of having “fun”. The same is true for another kind of pretty woman—
the ones who tend to use and abuse. She knows that her vamp-ish good looks allow her
to have an abundance of creature comforts: rent, utilities, clothes, an entire lifestyle fully
funded. Is this setup wrong? If that’s what both parties want, I suspect it works. But, if a
pretty girl wants marriage, then that behavior must end.
For user and abuser: she has men constantly throwing themselves and their pocketbooks
at her feet; thus, she never discovers what she is capable of. It helps for this woman to
project ahead without considering a significant other in her life. Where does she see
herself in five to ten years, and then map out a plan of action. The reason: she can’t fix
herself… by breaking someone else. To break her cycle this girl should pursue a job she
likes. I didn’t say love, just likes. She should find something she likes that pays the bills
while she figures it all out. The key is not being penniless; it makes her vulnerable to old
For the hardworking, career diva: She has an options problem as well, but she has the
means to stay single, or date with abandon never having to depend on anyone. She is able
to sit on her pedestal and tell her love interest what she will and won’t do. That’s not a
relationship and no one is going to choose to marry a dictator. This lady needs to stop
being so uncompromising. A relationship is give and take and if you’re constantly trying
to guard yourself from being hurt then you have no business in the love game. Get help
to determine where these fears are coming from so you can be open to real love.
I suggest taking a dating break: Pretty girls are NEVER EVER single, and when they
are, they quickly jump right back into a relationship without missing a beat. Keep in mind
there’s always a guy patiently waiting in the wings, watching to see when you walk up
alone, ready to pounce. This time say no! This time give yourself six months maybe a
year to get to know yourself and determine what really makes “you” tick.
Ditch your representative: the person who everyone wants you to be and the person you
constantly try to convince yourself that you are. Knowing who you are means you will
be more likely to find someone equally authentic. Two phony people make for a very
phony relationship and life. Take time to get to know what you like in a relationship as
well. Who you are and what you like out of a potential spouse are inextricably tied. You
must know both. Questions to consider: Do you appreciate the guy who likes to fix all
your problems? Do you want the guy who makes you laugh? Having a funny guy was
never a high priority for me. It was a bonus. Do you like ambitious men? Then you
might need to get comfortable with eating dinner alone. Are you needy? Maybe you
shouldn’t reject the guy who appreciates that quality. The above questions are also for
those smart, hard working pretty girls as well. Intellect and a savings account does not
mean you know how to pick the right guy. It’s a learned behavior born out of
understanding your shortcomings. Get to know yours so you choose someone who best
No more delusions…
My latest catch phrase: “We always think we have more time than we really do” has
been rattling around in my head for over a year. In general, we think we have more time.
We tend not to listen to practical advice because we believe we have time to figure it all
out on our own. We think the clock can be extended—not so! The fact is we have 60
seconds, so make it count. Do the work and make your life want you truly want it to be.
Lorna O. is a passionately, devoted relationship expert for over 10 years. She’s the published author of the inspiring book, “Becoming Bold” about how to be strategic and assertive in life and relationships. Lorna has done countless radio programs that were broadcast all over the country as well as conducted seminars offering dating tips and relationship advice. Additionally, Lorna is a television writer that has found that writing for the small screen, no matter the scenario, is all about understanding human behavior and interactions. Personally, Lorna is the by-product of parents who have been married for over 40 years. Lorna is married as well, and shares her own insights. Lorna O. formerly hosted and produced a popular dating and relationship talk show called “Yin N Yang” for seven years. Lorna O. continues to offer her brand of practical dating advice with a pop culture twist on her relationship blog: www.mylobsterforlife.blogspot.com.