Seven Reasons I’m Sleeping With Your Husband

seven reasons I'm sleeping with your husband

 

1. You forgot him. You’ve forgotten all the cute notes he used to leave you. You’ve forgotten the reasons you fell in love with him. You forgot him and I gave him a blowjob.

2. You stopped making him laugh. You didn’t tell him the silly thing that happened at the store, you don’t tell him about your goofy antics. You just stopped but I gave him a blowjob.

3. You didn’t ask about him. You didn’t ask about his silly antics, you didn’t engage in any conversation at all. You just didn’t ask but I gave him a blowjob.

4. You put your children first. You give them all your time, your affection and your love. You’re so busy with them that he has become secondary. Why isn’t HE first, how did you get these kids again? The guy just wants a blowjob.

5. You effin let yourself go. Really, change the stained shirt and track pants. Throw them away. Brush your hair and make an effort to look as pretty as you were when he fell in love with you. I look fantastic while giving him a blowjob.

6. He bought you the pajamas as a joke, you weren’t meant to wear them night and day. Take them off and maybe wash them. Ok, really, just give the man a blowjob.

7. You stopped ripping his clothes off. You stopped touching him. You stopped the blowjobs, I started them up again, he loves me.

Now that you all hate my guts. I’m not sleeping with your husband, are you?

 

 

Laura McGowan
Laura McGowan is proudly Canadian, living on the gorgeous shores of Lake Ontario. She is an expert at being single, being happy, and not caring about her credit card debt. If not for her sense of humour, she’d spend her days fetal and crying. One day she hopes to be married again, but until then, she is sharing her raunchy and silly fun on Skinny and Single. Check it out :)

14 Comments

    Pingback: Seven Reasons I’m Sleeping With Your Husband | Skinny and Single

  1. sara 1st May 2015 4:55 pm

    I AM!!!! I really enjoyed this post because it’s truth!!! We let life and career get in the way and the sex goes down the shitter. I refuse to let that happen. Marriage comes first. I have to be happy and in a healthy relationship in order to be a good person and mother.

    Reply
    • Laura McGowan
      Laura McGowan 10th May 2015 4:47 pm

      Thank you. Make hubby first, and he’ll do the same for you.

      Reply
  2. Rica @Yoga May Monkey 10th May 2015 4:00 pm

    The title of this post really pissed me off, but as I read past it, I saw that you’re actually offering some very useful advice here. Mainly” don’t take your relationship/man for granted. I know what it means when another woman sleeps with your husband. It’s a shitty thing to do, for sure, but I never blamed the other woman. I wasn’t perfect, but my man was weak and immature. I hope that women who read this will see that you should give your best in a marriage, but give yourself a break if done any of the above 7 things. And if you’re divorced, you might find this helpful: http://yogamatmonkey.com/five-things-i-learned-from-divorce/

    Reply
  3. J Jones 4th July 2015 9:08 am

    While I understand the joke of this post per se, it’s incredibly sexist and demeaning to suggest that men only care about blowjobs and how attractive their wives look. It’s just not very funny or very clever. These stereotypes are tired and outdated and this hardly qualifies as “advice” albeit attemptedly “humorous” advice.

    Reply
  4. Laura McGowan
    Laura McGowan 9th July 2015 1:32 pm

    Men care if women are still interested in them. Men care if their women bother cleaning themselves and dressing nicely.

    Men actually do still care that their women still care about themselves.

    It isn’t a “tired stereotype”, it’s a wake up call.
    Remember your men, they need you.

    Reply
  5. Susan McCord 9th July 2015 8:13 pm

    I have always said It’s NEVER been about the cooking! March 14th became a man’s Valentine’s Day for good reason! <3

    Reply
  6. Raymond 30th July 2015 4:28 pm

    This is brilliant. Absolutely to the point too. We should never forget to stop trying with our partners, never. :) You’ve just proved that!

    Reply
  7. Laura McGowan
    Laura McGowan 31st July 2015 1:38 pm

    Thanks so much!!! :)

    Reply
  8. Stephanie 2nd August 2015 3:59 pm

    really in truly this is BS!!! I did not ever stop paying attention to my husband. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. So as lurking home wrecking whores, whom love to endulge themselves in marrital affairs, when in fact, you should have turned your head away from married men to begin with, you as the Blow Job Sucking Whore of any Married Husbands (that arent married to you) are just Simple Whores who love to wreck the entire families lives all bc you felt the husbands needed their dicks sucked. Well excuse me…. But I don’t feel the need to Suck his anything when the bastard can’t be faithful!

    Reply
    • Laura McGowan
      Laura McGowan 12th August 2015 5:07 pm

      In as much as I’d like to be insulted by your words, it actually wasn’t ME who slept with the bastard you called husband. So call me a whore, dear, go right ahead.

      Reply
  9. Dan Alatorre 11th August 2015 9:56 pm

    Pretty funny. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

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