It’s breakup season! It’s sad but true. This is the time of year where singles are reassessing relationships and figuring out who they want to spend time with (and spend money on) during the upcoming holiday season. Unfortunately this means that a lot of couples will chose to end their current relationship, possibly abruptly, if they do not see a future with their partner. Especially if a breakup is unexpected, it can be especially hard to get over. Here are some tips for speeding up the healing process if you’re going through a breakup.
1. Go on a date or plan a make out session with someone who thinks you’re a catch!
There’s nothing like the good old fashion ego boost from going on a hot date! You may even choose to go out with someone new who might be the total opposite of your ex. Whomever you choose, do what you can to ensure a positive encounter. The goal here is to lift your spirits. You deserve a sexy distraction!
2. Do something to pamper yourself!
If that means going to a spa, treating yourself to a nice dinner, or even going on a weeknd retreat….do it! It’s important to be nice to yourself in this post-breakup time period. Spoil yourself!
3. Go to a gym ASAP!
Besides, getting you in shape, working out will help you to get rid of nervous energy and get those endorphins flowing to elevate your mood and change your mindset. Added bonus: when you see your ex again you’ll look amazing!
Write down qualities that you liked that your ex had and qualities that you didn’t like. It can be cathartic. It’s important to be aware of what worked for you and what didn’t work for you in a past relationship. This will help you to choose suitors who are a better fit for you in the future. Use this breakup to your advantage by learning something from it so that you can flourish in future relationships.
5. Allow yourself to be sad and mourn the ending of the relationship.
You’re human. You shared emotions, feelings, experiences, secrets, dreams, fears, etc with your partner. Especially if your breakup was abrupt, it’s important to take some time to grieve the loss of what was, otherwise you run the risk of carrying that grief and sadness into future relationships. In addition to that, you risk bringing pessimism, negativity, and general emotional baggage into new dating scenarios. Avoid this negativity by taking time to be sad and process your separation.
6. Block yourself from social media if your ex is posting things that are insensitive
If your ex is moving on incredibly fast from your relationship, has started dating someone new soon after your breakup, and feels it necessary to document every lovey-dovey moment for all of the world to see on their social media accounts, you may want to unfriend or even block them from your feed. If your ex is posting disrespectful or insensitive things online in the early post break up time period, you may want to distance yourself virtually to get through the healing process. I’m not usually a fan of unfriending or blocking an ex (sometimes that sends an unnecessarily negative message) but if you’re feelings aren’t being considered, cutting ties might be the healthiest option.
7. Do something new that you’ve always wanted to do!
You might have more time on your hands now that you are single again, so why not do something new?! Start a project, join a class, try a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. Trying something new allows you to grow, learn, and create and will give you a confidence boost while giving you a creative outlet to express feelings, thoughts, and emotions that you might be struggling with. Plus, you just might discover a hidden talent that you didn’t know that you had!
Breakups are never easy. Even if it’s for the best, it still hurts when a relationship ends. When you are feeling extra sad about a past relationship, remember this statement…”Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?” You want to be with someone who is consciously choosing to be with you and is happy to be around you. Yes it’s sad when a relationship ends, but if both you and/or your ex weren’t willing to make it work, it’s best to move on so you can both find people who are enthusiastically choosing to be with you and are excited to date you. You deserve better!
Happy healing and hugs,
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl‘ xo
The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a dating expert, social life consultant, author, speaker and radio host based in Los Angeles, California. For almost a decade she has been helping singles successfully navigate through the early stages of dating through her book, The Dating Guidebook (www.TheDatingGuidebook.com), over 100 dating-related articles for various lifestyle and dating sites, radio and TV segments and through her weekly radio show, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show on 99.3 KCLA FM in Los Angeles. She has hosted singles events in and around Los Angeles, leads dating and self-help workshops for men and women, has given dating tips to celebs at events and on red carpets and has collaborated with several networks, radio stations, and magazines including Men’s Health Magazine, ABC7 Los Angeles and WGN 720 AM Chicago and featured leading a dating workshop for the single cast members on Lifetime Network’s ‘Big Women: Big Love’ just to name a few. She empowers singles navigating through the dating process by helping them improve their social skills, communication skills, and overall enjoyment of life regardless of marital status while raising their self-esteem. She does this through her radio show, articles, book, workshops, and tv appearances and 1-on-1 coaching with online dating profiles, app profiles, self-esteem building, and social skills training. Erin feels especially passionate about helping college students make safe and empowering choices for themselves while respecting their peers when it comes to dating on campus.