How to Get Over Rejection. Again.

How to get over rejection again
Many of us who have experience with online dating also have experience with rejection. They tend to go hand in hand. Not everyone you are matched with is going to be a good fit (obviously), so that means one or both of you have to end it.

So what happens when you are really attracted to someone who just – wasn’t that into you? How do you move past the sting of that rejection and open your heart to someone else just as freely as you did before the rejection?

There’s no doubt about it – dating really builds up resistance in your heart. The more rejection and hurt we experience, the more we want to build walls around our hearts to protect them. Pretty soon, we start to convince ourselves that this is okay, this fortress we’ve built. We are protecting ourselves from pain – we really don’t feel anything. But the truth is we do, or at least we want to feel something, otherwise we wouldn’t be pulling out our phones and scrolling through profiles, hoping to meet someone special (despite our efforts not to).

The key to getting over rejection (again and again) is to understand that it is part of the dating experience. Everyone gets rejected at some point. Really.

Following are some tips to help you through the rough patch:

It’s really not personal. Most people are wrapped up in their own experiences, viewpoints, and moods, and act out from that. If they aren’t over someone else, they might not want to pursue anything further with you. Or maybe they are thinking of taking a new job in another city, and don’t want to pursue anything serious. Or if they just don’t feel strong chemistry that isn’t a personal attack on you – it’s just how they feel, and it’s valid. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Not everyone is a good match. Sure, your date might look good in her profile, but that is only a small part of her story. How do you communicate? Is she respectful? Do you have the same values? These are all important questions too – and just because you find her attractive doesn’t mean that all the other important qualities don’t matter.

There is always someone new to meet. The great thing about online dating is that you always have access to meet new people. If you want a quick boost of confidence, you can go online and start swiping or messaging some new potential dates. Put yourself out there again – it is worth it.

Do something you enjoy. There’s nothing like healthy distraction to get you over rejection. If you enjoy surfing, or hiking, or some other physical activity even better – it will help boost the endorphins, too. If you are into spa days, take one for yourself, or plan dinner or drinks with a friend. Actively try to pull yourself out of your funk – it works better than you’d think.

Digitally disconnect. When you are constantly checking your phone for texts or spending hours on social media to see what photos your friends are posting (especially those in happy relationships), you aren’t doing yourself any favors. This type of digital comparison is like kicking yourself in the gut. Resist social media. Resist your phone. Disconnect for an afternoon and see what happens – it might surprise you.

Rejection isn’t easy, but we all go through it. Rejection helps you get to the relationship that is right for you.

Kelly Seal
Kelly is a writer and former speed-dating host, and author of the new book Date Expectations: A Guide to Changing Your Dating Life and Finding Real Love at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JEM2TEU. Her contributions have appeared in The Huffington Post, Slate, Examiner, MSN, Yahoo! Living, YourTango, Digital Romance, The Frisky, and Divine Caroline among others. You can visit her blog “Notes from the Dating Trenches” on her Website, or find her on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+.

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Positive Thinking & Your Relationship

 

Positive Thinking & Your Relationship

As a Man Thinketh…                                  

We all know, or at least have heard that the power of positive thinking can make a sick person well, and cause those blues skies to turn sunny.  Well, my lovesick friends the same is true regarding your relationship with your spouse or significant other.

 

Stinking Thinking…

Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D. is a recognized psychologist that explains the secret to a happy relationship. One of the main pearls Dr. Bernstein has researched as a key to a happy relationship is literally having positive thoughts about your loved one.  Who knew Pharrell was onto a major game-changer in terms of relationships—just be happy.  Dr. Bernstein says that the couples he’s worked with for the past 22 years who have been able to recognize and stop what he calls Toxic Thinking, are the couples who make it. You hear that—they make it! He further explains, “…toxic thoughts such as, “You are totally selfish!” or “Everything always has to be about you!” errodes empathy and destroys love.”  This is a powerful idea!  If you’re harboring rotten thoughts about your lover, soon enough your entire relationship will stink.

 

Fight Fair…

So stop trashing your man or girl in your head.  Stop the evil eye you throw their way, which for them seems like it’s coming from left field because you haven’t expressed what’s troubling you.  Ill thoughts that are allowed to fester, creates ill feelings and animosity that breeds hateful actions. Talk about your troubles without the ego or name-calling.  Remember no one is perfect.  Everyone is doing what they can …at least in most cases.  Try to understand who your significant other really is, and talk about the problems you are having in a non-contemptuous way. This means don’t yell, curse, or berate; I’m saying cool off, maybe write down your core issues so you can have a discussion and not simply rage. To clarify again because it’s so damn difficult to do, fighting fair means no condescension, no harsh tones, rehashing resolved fights, belittling or stabbing a finger in a past hurt to illicit a reaction. Fighting fair means you explain what your significant other is doing or not doing that bothers you. Then the both of you try to come up with solutions that make the both of you happy.

She Really, Really Loves You…

Above all, try to accept that sweethearts shortcomings aren’t attempts to spite you or make your life a living hell pit.  The person you’re with loves you and chose you. Try to see their requests for change as a signal they want and need more emotional intimacy and not him trying to “bring you down”.  If this person is out to get you, then that’s another post, and you really should be asking yourself what satisfaction or pleasure are you deriving from dealing with constant rejection and pain?

 

A Couple…

I recently met a couple whom I’ll call Frank and Neema. They talked about this exact problem: harboring ill thoughts about the other.  They candidly explained that their first 3 years of marriage were horrible and they contemplated divorce after each year.  They shared that they loved the other passionately and had lots in common, but they couldn’t help but see the other as the enemy.  They both felt the other didn’t have their back.  Neema extrapolated that it was as if there was a sheet of film in front of Frank and everything she saw about him was filtered through this layer.  She interpreted the haze as his discontent toward her.  It was as if she couldn’t see the man she fell in love with and married.  The two admitted that they were at their wits up and the idea of a divorce wasn’t just words anymore.  Not wanting to go down the “D” route, they sought help from therapists and other older couples.  Finally, they came to the realization that their toxic thinking was causing a majority of their problems. There were other issues, of course, but they both agreed that they felt the other was being intentionally malicious, which after much soul-searching and discussion, they both came to understand that was just not the case.

 

It’s Real…

Positive thinking isn’t just an adage. It’s real, and produces real results. Each person should try having positive thoughts about their significant other and watch what happens!

 

…For more about Dr. Bernstein’s provocative ideas buy his book: Why Can’t You Read My Mind?

Lorna Osunsanmi
Lorna O. is a passionately, devoted relationship expert for over 10 years. She’s the published author of the inspiring book, “Becoming Bold” about how to be strategic and assertive in life and relationships. Lorna has done countless radio programs that were broadcast all over the country as well as conducted seminars offering dating tips and relationship advice. Additionally, Lorna is a television writer that has found that writing for the small screen, no matter the scenario, is all about understanding human behavior and interactions. Personally, Lorna is the by-product of parents who have been married for over 40 years. Lorna is married as well, and shares her own insights. Lorna O. formerly hosted and produced a popular dating and relationship talk show called “Yin N Yang” for seven years. Lorna O. continues to offer her brand of practical dating advice with a pop culture twist on her relationship blog: www.mylobsterforlife.blogspot.com.

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Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER DURING A DIVORCE OR BREAK UP

 

Dealing with a breakup of a marriage or long term relationship will always be a very hurtful time but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or your life is over. There are thousands of people in the same situation but the good news is; there is someone special out there for you when you are ready to receive them. The most important thing to remember is we all deserve real love in our lives but we have to allow it into our lives! Life is definitely complicated and we are all here on this continual learning curve about who we are and what really makes us happy.

 

What makes so many of us choose the wrong person?

Sometimes this happens when we are young and naive; or we settle for someone we don’t really love. We may talk ourselves into a relationship due our ticking biological clocks and having children, the pressure from our family and friends or we just get caught up in the romantic or sexual nature of it all without making sure the relationship is a really good fit. A “forever” partnership is not an easy thing to maintain for the average couple as we are all evolving at different stages in our lives. Unless we grow in similar directions, this will be a big problem for many people.

 

5 tell tale indicators that your marriage/relationship is over:

  • You’ve lost that loving feeling ~ you no longer look forward to coming home and find reasons not to.
  • You feel constant anxiety in their presence ~ whether it be from fear/abusive situations, extreme boredom or loss of respect for them.
  • There is no sexual attraction at all & in some cases you may even feel repulsed by the thought of it.
  • You both have absolutely nothing in common ~ you have grown in completely different directions.
  • You’ve tried counselling and even they give you a business card for a divorce lawyer!

 

So now what do you do? What will everyone say and how do you deal with the aftermath?

People talk and love a good story so don’t give them one. It is sad but true how others get enjoyment out of someone else’s misery! Be careful not to allow those people to get too close to you at this vulnerable time. You are fragile enough without having to deal with all the gossip and judgmental comments from them as well. This is your life and no one should be talking about your business but you & your Ex; especially if there are children involved. It is easy to vent to anyone who will listen but it really is in your best interest to only divulge things to a trusted friend or family member. You don’t need the added drama.

 

Isn’t it easier just to stay in this relationship rather to have to fight to get out of it?

Nothing is easier when it is unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a loving partnership. Many people stay in relationships due to the kids but don’t fool yourself into thinking this is always the best scenario. Children are sponges and pick up on a lot more than you may realize. If they see a loveless marriage for most of their lives it can cause problems in their own relationships down the road. Money is another big reason for many couples to stay together but you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it in the long run to be tied to someone for only that reason. You are holding on to one aspect and giving up so many other qualities of life. It’s not all about the big house or fancy car; reciprocated love and great sex is worth way more than any material item.

 

10 steps that can help you to get over a divorce or long term relationship breakup:

  1. Take some time away from communicating with your Ex to really understand what went wrong, what you learned & how to improve upon yourself. There are ALWAYS two sides to a breakup. Knowing that you also played a part in it will bring you “closure” faster. Talking to them or constantly seeing them in person just makes it that much harder to get over them.
  2. Do not jump into another relationship right away! You have to heal your heart before you can give it to someone else. (It is also very hurtful for the rebound partner because you still have too much emotional baggage to involve someone else into the mix!)
  3. Concentrate on doing things you wanted to do but couldn’t do when you were in your relationship.
  4. Join clubs, take courses and go on a vacation or weekend trek somewhere. Get your thoughts in a positive space and not in front of the TV watching chick/dick flicks & binging on junk food. (Or even worse; watching your wedding video over & over!)
  5. Don’t drown or eat your sorrows away: Put the haegandaz back in the fridge ladies & get active. Guys; watch the beer/liquor consumption or bar visits! (Women tend to cry at home while men get out right away with their buddies.)
  6. Relieve your sexual tension ~ alone! (Unless you have a “friends with benefits partner” that you have a mutual non-committal agreement with.) Sex with someone too soon can mess you up even more! The phrase “To get over one, get under another!” is not always a great idea as it can make you miss your ex even more!
  7. Put your energy into “you” (& the kids if you are a parent) not into finding another partner immediately. Being healthy and looking & feeling good is the best way to move forward. You will be surprised at how much better your mindset is when venturing out for a walk in the sunshine, hitting a yoga class or hiking in the wilderness. Nature is a beautiful way too to help erase the sadness in your heart.
  8. Get rid of romantic pictures of the once happy couple and memories that cause pain and any social media connections you have with your ex. Do not start “creeping them out” on Facebook or Instagram to see what they are up to and how much fun they are having without you. It will only make it harder to get over them & some of those photos are just an act anyway!
  9. Remember that they loved you once so don’t think the breakup is easy for them either ~ they just might be better at faking it than you are.
  10. Don’t make excuses as to why you can’t do new things to alter this new phase in your life. The more diverse you are, the less time you will have to be angry, sad or resentful.

Tips to help you to get back out socializing after a divorce/breakup:

  • Wait at least 6 months to 1 year before you take dating in a more serious mode & do not make any major living arrangements with a new person for at least a year.
  • Get off your couch! Prospective dates aren’t going to knock on your front door! Buy a dog or borrow one if you need a push to get out in public. (Walking a Great Dane or a puppy of any variety would certainly get you noticed!)
  • If your friends have left you with the divorce you will need to find some new people to enjoy outings with. Join groups that interest you and I can’t stress it enough to put yourself out into mingle situations constantly! It cuts the breakup blues in half!
  • I do suggest you try online dating when you are ready to get out there again but ask someone to help you with your profile & the “initial weeding out” of unsuitable prospects so you have a better understanding of what to look for. Many things change when you have been out of the singles market for 5+ years!
  • Try not to continually cry to your friends about your breakup but be receptive to their advice and help. Don’t be fearful of altering some things about yourself. Diversity and change is the key to leading an exciting life!
  • Loosen up! Especially, if you are a control freak or a stickler for a repetitive routine. (It is much nicer to be around people who are flexible.)
  • Have a makeover ~ you may be stuck in an outdated or boring style. Does your hair or mustache scream 1980 porn star or does your wardrobe consist of sweatpants from Costco? Change it up!
  • Take time away from your career or your kids for just “you” by doing something that you love. Burying yourself in tedious tasks to pretend that you’re not in pain is prolonging the breakup aftermath.
  • Hire a dating coach if you feel lost on what to do. Even just a few sessions will help you regain your confidence in being newly single.
  • Remember you are not alone. Breakups happen every day and there are plenty of online resources to help you deal with the ache in your heart. Help is always available; don’t be afraid to ask for it.

 

Take the good things from your past marriage/relationship breakup & bring them into your future partnership down the road. Remember; sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before you meet that wonderful person you want to share your life with. Each lesson we learn is a stepping stone that teaches us many things about ourselves & every one of them has its purpose. Acknowledging them and how they helped us grow as a person will lead us closer to a long lasting love and knowing who we truly are.

Relationship breakups don’t define who you are and can be a really good thing because it forces you to look deeper into what you may not have been aware of about yourself.

Love is the most valuable gift that we all are blessed to have at our fingertips and is available whenever we are ready. Once you understand that you are the one in charge of bringing the love you desire into your world; the sooner you will realize that every step you took on that road to get there, was worth the bumpy ride.
Believe you deserve love because you do! <3

Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Blogger/Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist, Interviewer & Certified Life Coach. She attended BCIT in Burnaby, B.C. for studies in Broadcasting. Susan is an Advice Columnist @ Dear Sybersue which is also the title of her book available at Amazon, Itunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and many other book platforms. Susan was recently named a VIP member of Worldwide Branding. This special distinction honors individuals who have shown exceptional commitment to achieving personal and professional success. Susan has devoted her career to helping others find happiness. Over the past decade she has established a stellar reputation as a sought-after dating & relationship expert, advice columnist, blogger & interviewer. She is best known for hosting a lifestyle talk show for an International audience on YouTube and has garnered more than 1.3 million views which consists of interviews, dating/relationship/lifestyle advice & comical skits. She is also an EXPERT Writer & Dating Adviser at examiner.com. She makes you think!

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Win a Signed Copy of @DrPsychMom’s Book with @SWEXPERTS!

How To Talk To Your Kids About Divorce

 

 

We have a signed copy of Samantha Rodman’s book ‘How To Talk To Your Kids About Divorce’ to give away. It’s filled with expert advice on how to talk about divorce with your children and other tips that can help along the way.

To enter all you need to do is press the ‘click to tweet’ box below and join The SWExperts online.

Don’t forget to complete your entry by joining our dating revolution! Press the heart below!

Terms and conditions: The competition opens on Friday 20th November 2015 and will close on Friday 27th November 2015. All entries within this time will be accepted. Please ensure that you follow both steps (join The SWExperts and tweet) for your entry to be valid. The winner will be announced on @SWEXPERTS twitter page within 1 week after entries have closed and will be emailed directly. The winner will need to provide us with their details for delivery. All entrants give permission for Warehouse Dating Ltd to keep their email address for future email marketing however these details will not be shared with third parties.

 

 

 

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3 Reasons Why The Men YOU Keep Attracting Don’t Ever Ask You Out (But Will NEVER Tell You!)

3 REASONS WHY MEN YOU KEEP ATTRACTING DONT EVER ASK YOU OUT

 

As a Love Coach and a modern woman, I know all too well about dating in this modern world. I understand how it can be confusing and frustrating at times. Even with all this technology to connect us, we can end up feeling well…disconnected. When in dating all you want is direct, honest and clear answers from men (that are not just about wanting to have sex with you)So if you are an awesome woman that attracts men that don’t ask her out on dates and don’t know why, here is some love wisdom that will relieve you of the pointless overanalyzing of these men’s choices. And finally support you to stop allowing them to take up valuable real estate in your head and heart.

1.  He’s Not Interested

I know, OUCH! But it’s not what you think. Understand a man’s interest in you has nothing to do with his attraction to you. Men can be physically attracted to you, but once they feel you’re not “down” for what he wants or that you require more of him than he is willing to invest then he won’t pursue anything further than a good conversation.

Men are not wrong for being this way. Men know what they want, so you get to know too. Don’t waste your energy to convince a man otherwise, no matter how great of a man he is (on the surface or on paper). My question to you is, what do you want? And would you want someone trying to convince you to disregard on your own love values and standards?

2.   He’s Not Available

There are many men that are not forthcoming with their current relationship status. You often must to pry to get the relationship status out of this guy. When a man is not available and he chooses not to ask you out, he is showing loyalty, he has boundaries and consideration, so thank your lucky stars that he has not asked you out and wasted your time.

When a man is already in a committed relationship, married or legally separated (yes, separated is not single, because he is only single if he was officially divorced). This is simple to accept. Yet, you choose to stay stuck on this man with the hopes of romance. Instead, make use of the connect you have with this man by asking him to set you up with his single male friends.

Isn’t that what you want your romantic partner to do in the same situation? Or have you chosen this man to be a shoulder to cry on causing more drama in both your romantic lives? Maybe you’re thinking “these are the only type of good men I know”. Well, then you’re not accessing whom they know to connect you to the love you want. As I mentioned before, ask for what you want by requesting that he introduce you to his single male friends. If he doesn’t, get your lovely self out of there.

Please understand that an unavailable man cannot give you what you desire and deserve, so I move on to the next single one. And know that all the time you spend thinking and doing anything of the contrary, you are undermining your own value. If he’s not single don’t stick around to mingle.

3.   He’s Not Ready

Ok, this can be the most frustrating one, because it all seems good, hell, great in fact. This man is interested in you, attracted to you and he’s available, but for some reason he is not stepping up. He learned what you’re about so far and he thinks it’s awesome. Yet, he doesn’t make a move. Well, that’s because he’s not ready.

He is focused on his career, his children, processing the end of his marriage or his last relationship, his fear of intimacy (um yeah, he will never tell you this one), his latest chosen life challenge. This list goes on and on, but none of that matters.

Here is the reality; he is choosing to be focused on those things, because that is where he is and this is his process. If he was ready to connect with you, then he would be proactive by asking you out and consistently spend time with you to get to know each other better. It’s not rocket science, it just needs to be his desired choice. After all, men are all about taking action for what they want.

Lisa Velazquez is a Love Coach and the creator of Lisa Talks Love. Whether you want to learn how to date wise, get over an ex and attract your Mr. Right, Lisa teaches women entrepreneurs and professionals to break through hidden barriers in love and dating to finally atract the romantic relationship they desire.

Done With Being in A Romantic Rut? Ready To Take Your Love Life To The Next Level? Join Lisa for her FREE Teleseminar: 10 Blindspots That Keep Women From The Love Life They Want on Tuesday, October 20th from 9pm-10:00pm EST https://10loveblindspots.eventbrite.com

Lisa Velazquez
Lisa Velazquez is a Love Coach and the creator of Lisa Talks Love. Whether you want to learn how to date wise, get over an ex and attract your Mr. Right, Lisa teaches women entrepreneurs and professionals to break through hidden barriers in love and dating to finally attract the romantic relationship they desire.

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Finding the Courage to Leave

finding the courage to leave

It’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I felt it was so important to share something empowering to anyone currently involved in an abusive dating relationship.

It could be abusive physically. Perhaps at times you’ve had to seek medical attention. Perhaps you’ve been, or are, in fear of your life.

I work as a life coach and I recall one lady who told me she developed a reputation for being Ms Accident Prone. The one who was tripping over her children’s toys or who walked into the cupboard door. All stories made up to hide the reason for her bruises and cover the abuse she was suffering from her boyfriend.

Sometimes the abuse isn’t physical but it’s in words. Words that cut and pierce to the heart.  Words that crush self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it’s abuse through manipulation and mental torment. I had one client who told me her partner would take a pair of her shoes and put one foot in the fridge and leave the other foot in the bedroom. And other crazy stuff. All designed to make her think she was losing her mind. That’s mental cruelty.

 

If you’re dating someone who:

1. Makes you unhappy most of the time

2. Makes you feel you’re walking on eggshells

3.  Blames you for everything

4. Makes you responsible for their happiness

5. Always puts you down in public

6. Causes you to doubt your competence

7. Is obsessively jealous and demands to know where you are at all times

8. And such like….

These are very clear signs of an unhealthy,  toxic relationship.  There is no love here. Love is kind. Love believes in you. Love supports you.

If you need help to leave

And don’t feel strong enough to end things, then talk to a trusted friend that you know who is understanding and will give you the emotional support you need to break it off.

You deserve better than this. This does not have to be your life.

Depending which country you’re in reading this there are helplines but simply go to Google.  Google is your friend, just type in Domestic Violence Awareness and start there. Remember abuse/violence isn’t always physical, it’s verbal too.

You are not the problem

The problem is with them. They are often acting out their own fears and insecurities.  They have the unresolved and misplaced anger.  They are at fault. It is their issue. It is their drama.

You do not have to be a victim in this relationship. You can end it today. You deserve better. Decide today that this is no longer your story.

Feel free to email me if you would like further help or personal coaching.

 

Patricia Benjamin
Patricia is a London based Relationship Columnist, award winning Radio Presenter, certified Life Coach and ordained Minister.
She writes for both UK and US based online publications on love and produces weekly shows on lifestyle, faith, relationships, sex and love.
She is the author of the best selling book 7 Habits of Highly Fabulous Women.
@Ask_Patricia
Follow her on twitter and visit her website at www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com

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The Four Stages Of Scorn: What To Expect When You Find Out They’ve Been Cheating

THE FOUR STAGES OF SCORN

You’ve had your suspicions for months. You just knew something wasn’t right. The excuses seemed reasonable at first. They had to work late, or their phone battery died. Other things were harder to justify. Maybe you caught a flutter of perfume on their shirt or blouse. For a moment it felt like the earth swallowed you whole. But later you talked yourself out of your suspicion.

When you finally get the proof that they’ve been cheating, it feels someone has dumped a bucket of ice water over your head. It’s a double betrayal. You were lied to by your partner, and you lied to yourself.

If you suspect the worst, but are waiting for concrete evidence, what can you expect to feel when you finally catch a cheater?

Stage One: Anger

Seeing red takes on a whole other level when you find out you’ve been played for a fool. When you first find out, it feels like smoke is going to start coming out of your ears. You think about how you’ve made excuses for them. You supported them through thick and thin. For a partner to repay your love and loyalty with a kick in the teeth, is enough to make anyone go through the roof.

Stage Two: Devastation

Here comes the flood…You probably knew this day was coming, but love made you ignore all the signs. You replay memories of the good times, and realize that your relationship will never be the same again. Those happy memories you made together are tarnished forever. Now your past is filled with wormholes, and so is your future. Losing your past, and future, in one blow is devastating.

Stage Three: Bargaining

In general, we’re not a big fan of change. The possibility of losing an intimate relationship can be terrifying, especially if you’ve invested a lot into it. At this point, you might start questioning whether or not you want to be involved with your significant other anymore.

On one hand, you may feel like infidelity has hammered the final nail in the coffin, and there’s no coming back. But the guilty party may fight to stay in your life, and you’ll have a decision to make. It won’t be an easy one, either way.

Do you forgive someone who destroyed your trust in them? Or do you move on alone?

Stage Four: Acceptance

Like the stages of death, acceptance is the last stage of the cycle. At this point you’ve either made a decision to stay, or leave.

Either way, healing the scars of betrayal take a long time. How do you get over a cheater in the long run? Once your heart has been broken, you’ll be twice as cautious in the future. From now on, you’ll probably take a ‘trust by verify’ approach.

You’ll trust again, but you’ll also make sure that what they’re saying is true before believing it. There’s nothing wrong with this. You have a right to protect yourself emotionally.

Although it feels like you’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster, there is an upside. If you get cheated on again, you’ll probably spot the signs way sooner. Nobody will play you for a fool twice.

The sooner you find out if someone is cheating on you, the sooner you can move on with your life. How have you coped with cheating? Share your stories in the comments.

Amy-Rose Lane
Amy-Rose Lane is a blogger and writer, who has written for multiple print and digital publications. When removed from her laptop, she can be found chasing waves in coastal California with her husband. Follow her on twitter @amyroselane

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Love is not Conditional!

LOVE IS NOT CONDITIONAL

Boy meets girl…their eyes locked and held for 2 seconds; the connection had been made way beyond when their hands touched in a hand shake. They both had to consciously end the handshake as her boss, who had introduced them, was beginning to look askance at the vibe of instant connection between them.

The boy was Desmond and the girl was Erica. They had met at a meeting involving their respective work organizations. Desmond represented his organization, while she represented hers. Before the meeting ended, they had exchanged business cards, but business was far from Desmond’s mind. That very evening, Desmond had called her and put to good use his baritone voice. Soon, they were in a relationship that grew so rapidly, it surprised even the people around them. They seemed to have no control over it. According to them, love had found them!

It didn’t take long before they were together all of the time. Outside of work hours, if you saw one, you were bound to see the other. They were soon deeply intertwined in each others lives.

But there was a dark part to their love story. Desmond was a control freak. He was a typical man’s man, who liked to be in charge. Considering the fact that Erica was equally headstrong, ambitious, and sometimes stubborn, it was a wonder how they had been able to make it work.

Except that it wasn’t. Inevitably, the honeymoon phase of their relationship passed, and the glaring reality of their similar domineering personalities came to the fore. In the end, something had to give, and Erica learnt how to be the submissive one, even as it didn’t come naturally for her. She learnt how to let go, and allowed him to be right…even when he was wrong.

She did this because she loved him…and this worked for a short time. But sometimes they still had some personality clashes. This was compounded when Erica’s job was threatened, and she found herself eager to start a business, which she would be able to run in her free time.  The business idea was one she had been incubating for a while.

Upon discussing it with Desmond, he vehemently opposed it, giving the excuse that it would take too much of her time, and wouldn’t help their family life. The irony was that they were not yet married…he had not even proposed to her. Erica was devastated. She had expected stoic support from him, and not the dismissive way with which he talked down her dream.

He suggested an alternative business idea, one which she did not connect with. To make him happy, she proceeded with the idea, and invested her money in the project. After three months, it was obvious the business had failed.

Instead of being sympathetic, Desmond blamed her for the failure, saying it had happened because she did not follow all his instructions concerning the business. Erica was crushed!

She recalled the days when they had been deliriously happy…and how theirs had morphed from a relationship to a ‘situationship’…a situation with her being happy only when he was happy with her. She thought about how Desmond suddenly had nothing but complaints about her…the way she dressed, her makeup, her cooking…nothing satisfied him anymore.

It continued with her friends, the same friends she had when she met him, and whom he had even hung out with in the early days, were now supposedly a bad influence. He had succeeded in alienating her from them, such that she hardly ever saw them.

The more she thought about it, the more she knew she would no longer be in a relationship that was based on her behaving only according to his taste, for her to be loved. Desmond’s love had become conditioned on her pleasing him, and she realized that was not going to work for her any more. Things had to change.

The next day, she called him to her place, to talk about their relationship, and how things had changed. Rather than show remorse, her had emphasized the fact that she was, indeed, his ‘property’, and how she had to behave in a certain way for them to last as a couple.. Her worst fear had been confirmed.

Erica broke up with a surprised Desmond, who did not see it coming at all. She knew it was time to take back the reins of control of her life.

In conditional relationships, love becomes like a switch that can be turned off and on, as it pleases the party with the upper hand. In these cases, there really is no love…just all shades of control, usually by a partner trying to hide a deep-rooted neediness.

Whatever you do, never forget that love is not conditional.

Love Lint
The Love Lint is a relationship support community, and a safe haven for all things about LOVE… the good days, and the not so good. We understand that love has several seasons and so, no matter what season you are in, whether you are falling in love again, falling out of love, mending a broken heart, holding out on love, or simply just being in love with yourself, you will find a safe haven with us.

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Wake the F up! 4 Ways to Tell It’s Not Happening

The Kooky Couple - wake the F up

In The Heartbreak Kid Ben Stiller’s character marries the ‘hot girl’ only to realize immediately after he hates everything about her. He was so busy thinking with his dick that he ignored every sign that the match was wrong. You can learn a lot from a good romcom or you can just read our articles.

From the start, our relationship moved fast and though some people were skeptics we’ve both been with enough dumbasses to know when it’s right it’s right. When a relationship is effortless that’s when it’s meant to be. Our cardinal Kooky couple rule is exit at the first sign of bullshit. So stop wasting your time with the wrong person, wake the F*uck up, and recognize a few of the signs:

You’re Confused

Are you a victim of a rescheduled date? Has your date recently rescheduled for the second time in a row? Have you planned a date but then they never confirmed? Has your date shown up late or worse yet, not at all? Are the texts few and far between? Then you need to call 1800-WAKE-UP. If you are experiencing any of the above, read our lips, you are getting the blow off. And, listen carefully; any excuse beyond a terminal illness or a death is a blow-off. This is a sign that there is no mutual connection. You might feel a connection (or at least want to feel one) but they don’t. Stop all communications with the person immediately. The only time you should even think about dating someone after you’ve been ditched, is if the person is like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, otherwise, get the F out.

You’re Not Feeling It Yet

If there is no mental or physical chemistry when you meet don’t try to make it work. It does not develop after time. Period. Cancel your third date now. When you meet your date in person, ask yourself, is this person so hot you want to bang them… more than once? If yes, then make sure it’s not just physical and there’s at least some mental attraction. Sure you can screw Stifler all day (keep up, that’s an American Pie reference), but do you really want to spend the rest of your life talking to him? If there’s no chemistry, move on.

Your Lifestyles Don’t Align

If you love dogs and they don’t, it simply will not work. Maybe it’s not dogs you love maybe you love cats, or water sports, or love working on the weekend, either way if you aren’t on the same page get out now. Continuing on the with the dog metaphor (can you tell we’re obsessed with our dogs); sure the person you are interested in could tolerate your fur baby but ultimately they’ll never understand the intense relationship you have with your dog. Being a dog owner is a lifestyle and a big responsibility, you need a partner who wants to fully be apart of that. And vice versa; if you don’t love dogs do you really want to spend hours at the dog park? Even a dog lover gets sick of the dog talk and the freak shows who spend hours at the dog run with their fanny packs filled with dog treats (no offense).

Your Friends Are Disappearing

It’s a major red flag when your friends or family don’t want to spend time with your new love interest. If your family and friends hate the person you are with, wake up; you are in the wrong relationship. And don’t tell yourself ‘they don’t know about me and you’ cause yes Kanye, they do! It’s not a coincidence when everyone around you disapproves. These are the people who know you best and love you, trust them and trust us. End it now.

We knew we were right for each other because it was easy. It becomes complicated when you let in the bullsh*t or better yet try to figure out the bullsh*t. Tinder isn’t our favorite app for finding lasting love but we swear by the philosophy of swiping left as soon as you see something you don’t want. Do it and don’t waste your time.

Xoxo

The Kooky Couple

The Kooky Couple
Ashley and Thomas’s world’s collided when they met on an online dating site and they struck up a cross country romance. Within a week they fell in love and decided to move in together. Thomas, a global men’s health advocate in Canada at the time, left everything behind to move in with Ashley, a Television Producer based in New York City. Kooky? Definitely! They are now engaged and blogging about their lives and untraditional romance.

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Recipe For Relationship Suffering – You Will Need These 6 Key Ingredients

recipe for relationship suffering

Recipe for Relationship Suffering – You will need these 6 Ingredients, got a pen to write these down? Oh wait, most of us have these ingrained in us from birth, so they should be easy to remember.

You will need to keep buying into at least these 6 limiting beliefs if you want to create relationship suffering that keeps up with your neighbours level of disconnect and dissatisfaction. Go…..

Michelle Terrell
Michelle Terrell is a Love Life Coach with pistol whipping wake up calls & straight talk…followed by pure hippie inspiration & love.

Her workshop students dubbed her The Pistol Whip Hippie because her teaching/coaching style is irreverent, in your face and radically honest (the Pistol Whip part) with the follow up being supportive, nurturing awakened energy (the Hippie part) that inspires men to strive to be their very best.

For more visit Michelle’s website michelleterrell.com and follow her on Facebook.

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