A Cheat’s Guide to Chatting up Guys for Shy Girls

Cheat’s Guide to Chatting up Guys for Shy Girls

I recently celebrated a milestone birthday and with it, came the realisation that if I wanted to change my singleton status quo, I needed to get out of my head and actually talk to guys.

Setting a new challenge for myself, I was determined to talk to at least one new guy at every event I attended or restaurant I was eating at.

For an extroverted introvert like me, this was a bit daunting but did my best Barney Stinson Challenge Accepted! impression and put my new attitude to the test for one week.

Sharing is caring, of course, so here is a cheat’s guide to chatting up guys for shy girls:

 

1.      Compliment him:

My best friend had been admiring a guy’s dreadlocks from across a room at a party we were at.

When, later in the evening, we found ourselves standing next to the guy, I saw my opportunity and opened up with: “Cool dreadlocks! My friend and I have been admiring them all night!”

The guy smiled and thanked me and from there conversation sprung naturally. It went so well, in fact, we ended up talking for quite some while and taking photos together …score!

 

2.      Be bold:

I’m not often very bold but as I’ve said, this milestone birthday has helped me lower my inhibitions quite a bit so when another of my friends and I were at a pub recently and a bachelor’s party was living it up at the venue, I decided to jump in head first.

The bridegroom was collecting money in exchange for favours. When he asked what I wanted as a trade-off for my few cents, I cheekily replied: “The mobile number of your very hot friend over there!”

Both of them laughed out loud but were equally impressed by my boldness. A number was rattled off quickly, so yay, success!

 

3.      Choose your moment wisely:

You know that scene in every romantic comedy where the geeky girl tries to chat to the object of their affection in the middle of the popular group and gets ragged on, following a super awkward silence?

Yeah, you don’t want to be that girl! Wait for a lull in the conversation and try to get your guy a little separated from the group, where he is more likely not to feel peer pressure and make a fool of himself and/or you.

I know approaching guys can be daunting but nothing ventured, nothing gained right? And if nothing else, it gives you great insight into how guys usually feel when they need to approach us!

Be bold, be brave and above all, have fun!

Fazielah Williams
Fazielah Williams is a blogger and publicist from Cape Town, South Africa. Born and raised in the gorgeous Mother City, she’s a lover of all things chocolate, travel, magic and love. Her quest for love and meeting the father of her future children has led to a number of hilarious and often embarrassing situations which she chronicles on her blog site www.ctgirlwiththeredscarf.com

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Getting Adeled… When Your Ex Says “Hello…”

Getting Adeled When Your Ex Says Hello

 

You can’t turn on a radio without hearing Adele.  “Hello… it’s me….” rings through my head and on my car radio every 15 minutes.  I fully admit to liking the song (it’s Adele- how can you not?) and the lyrics are well written.  You feel for her because her Ex is never there when she calls.  You feel sad that she feels bad because she made mistakes in her last relationship and now wants to own them.  And then you can’t help but wonder about her Ex.  Maybe the break-up doesn’t tear him up anymore.  Maybe he’s never home because he’s living a fantastic post break-up life.  Maybe he just doesn’t want to engage.

 

But what if the Ex was YOU, and you received a call from the other side?  If you have, then congratulations!  You’ve just been Adeled!

 

I was Adeled last week by a man I dated for three months at the beginning of summer.  The email started very similar to her lyrics… “Hello.  How are you?”.  And then the pontifications of regret poured faster than an alcoholic beverage on the set of the fourth hour of Today.  After the last drop of “I miss you… you were so good to me… what was I thinking?” poured, the request for a coffee date followed.

What was I to do with this?  What’s the proper response to being Adeled?

There are a few ways to handle being Adeled- here are some options that you may find helpful in responding to your call from the outside:

  1. If you feel you need some closure, continue the conversation.

    Sometimes when relationships end, the final sentence may not include an ending punctuation.  Do you have unanswered questions?  Do you have a few things remaining to say?  If closure is something you desire and getting it is safe for you, then by all means get the resolution you need.  Time and space may provide the necessary perspective to enter the conversation in a proactive manner, resulting in the closure you truly need.

 

  1. If you want to reinvestigate a relationship with this person, continue the conversation.

    Couples break-up for a myriad of reasons, and to make a blanket assumption that all Exs are evil and never to be dealt with again isn’t a fair assumption to make.  Every relationship scenario is different, including wrong place, wrong time, and miscommunication.  If you feel that the atmospheric conditions favor investigating a potential reconciliation, then by all means try because your Ex just did.

 

  1. If you’ve worked through the breakup and need nothing from this person to further you on your path, then decline the conversation.

    If you’ve successfully moved on from this relationship and have done so with the necessary closure, then there’s no need to open the Pandora’s box placed before you.  You already have hope; no need to find it remaining when you unleash the past by opening the box.  Simply don’t respond and continue on your path.  There’s no need to berate them for reaching out, as they were brave in doing so.  In your situation, perhaps the bravery exhibited by your Ex is materializing too late.

 

Obviously you’re in the driver’s seat if you find yourself being Adeled.  How you respond to that call from the outside is a choice you’ll make based on where you are emotionally when the Adeleing happens.  And if you’re thinking of Adeleing your Ex, really think about it before you send that email or pick up that phone.  You may get the desired response, or you might find yourself singing the blues.

Craig Rogers started his career as a Dating and Relationship Expert with a web-based community designed to help those experiencing the aftermath of a break-up. He has written countless articles taking from his own personal break-up and dating experiences, sharing humorous stories of hope and recovery. A 2013 Emmy nominated producer, Craig has also enjoyed hosting and producing cooking segments on QVC and Home Shopping Network. Craig lives with his two dachshunds and is currently writing his first book on relationships. For more information on Craig Rogers, please visit www.CraigRogers.nyc and follow him on Twitter @CraigRogersNYC

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Put off from hiring an escort? You shouldn’t be

PUT OFF FROM HIRING AN ESCORT YOU SHOULDNT BE

 

Despite the fact that countless people across the world hire escorts every day, there is still a stigma attached to them.

Some people don’t feel comfortable with the idea of paying for companionship, company or sex. They might be concerned that the experience will be unrealistic or non-enjoyable. Others are simply worried that they’ll be laughed at or looked down on for doing so.

Yet in most cases, these people who feel uncomfortable or look down on others have never actually spent time with an escort before. Their views are not particularly informed or fair to what is a thriving industry filled with real people who are working to earn a living.

Here are some of the most common reasons why hiring an escort is not always the bad idea many people think it is.

Improve confidence around strangers

It is a fact of life that some people aren’t comfortable around strangers, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it can make meeting partners, developing friendships or merely enjoying social occasions slightly more difficult. Escorts can help overcome that.

Not only are you spending time in the company of a beautiful person showing an interest in you – which would boost anyone’s self-esteem – but you’re getting valuable one-on-one time with someone who socialises for a living.

Escorts know how to make others feel comfortable around them better than your average person does, and having that personal interaction can help introverts come out of their shells altogether.

Companion for social events

We’ve all been invited to social events before where you’re expected to bring a guest. For many this isn’t a problem, as they’re already in a relationship or have many close friends. Yet some don’t have either, and turning up alone can feel embarrassing, sad or a combination of both.

Hiring an escort is an effective way out of this, as not only does this person have companionship for the night but their confidence is sky high as every head is turning to see the beautiful person on their arm.

The fact that you can then return home that night with no strings attached to the relationship means you can focus 100% on enjoying yourself all night long – which is what everyone wants to do anyway.

Memorable tour of a new city

Moving to a new location can be daunting. You know no one, have no idea how to get around and don’t know where to go. Things can get lonely and confusing pretty quickly.

An under-appreciated talent of escorts is knowing their way around locations surprisingly well. They are often well-versed in the best tourist attractions, restaurants, cafe spots and other fun places to go, and they’ll be much more enjoyable company than your average tour guide.

Not just about the sex

Although it is a common reason for why many hire escorts, as we’ve shown above, sex isn’t the only benefit to spending time with one. Ultimately, escorts are real people, and sometimes what someone needs most is just a bit of company. In these circumstances, there are few better people to go to.

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What She Secretly Wants From You (And It’s Not Confidence)

What she secretly wants from you and its not confience

Women are keeping a massive secret from you. Not because they want to see you fail, but more because they actually want to see you succeed.

Women are very tricky about this sort of thing. They love to watch men squirm and sweat to figure out the challenges of life, and women are definitely one of the many challenges you will encounter in your life.

The minute you listen to what women say, rather than the meaning behind what they’re saying, you’re going to be lost and confused. Much like a man on a deserted island, you’re better off becoming resourceful rather than waiting for the moment to use your flare gun.

The biggest mystery of them all when it comes to women instructing men on what they find attractive is the ever elusive word at the core of female desire in men. You know the word I’m talking about. It’s Confidence.

What She Secretly Wants From You (And It’s Not Confidence)

Back when I first started seriously studying women and what it is they truly desire, I spent ages trying to figure out the idea of women wanting a confident guy. Everywhere I looked, the advice was the same: women want a confident guy.

I knew there had to be something deeper to this vague and seemingly unachievable desire for confidence in men.

Clearly, if women were getting confident men in their lives, they wouldn’t need to tell us ad nauseam on an infinite loop that they want us to be so. However, if their instruction made sense, we as men wouldn’t be so confused.

Confidence

Through my journey to becoming a nice guy who women truly want, I spent a great deal of time working on my social skills of listening, eye contact, body language, conversation, and social dynamics just to name a few.

To say the least, I eventually became quite confident in the art of being social.

So confident that when I would tell my heroic transformation story to women on dates, they thought I was joking. How could this charismatic guy in front of them have been shy just a few short years ago?

The last girl I went out with was so nervous about me not being nervous that I had to end the date! It’s not that she wasn’t confident; it’s that something about a guy not being a little nervous on a date is a little strange!

After that little episode, I decided to head back to the drawing board. I began to wonder yet again about the idea of women wanting that confident guy. Much like you, I was racking my brains trying to figure it out.

Especially since being confident with women certainly wasn’t working.

The Breakthrough

The big secret is that even though women tell you they’re looking for a confident guy, they’re leaving a big piece of the puzzle out. She wants you to piece the puzzle together, remember?

I’m about to break that secret to you, but only if you promise to start using it right now. Promise? Good. I knew I could count on you to take massive action.

My man, she’s looking for you to have courage, more so than confidence.

Courage

The biggest thing I noticed about being confident with women, is that it actually sets alarm bells off in their head. Unless she’s looking for a good time, she wants to know that you’re a human being.

Dating should make you nervous. Not cripple you. But it should be exciting. When you’re so confident with women that you’re no longer nervous, it can come across as mechanical and fake.

When she says she’s looking for a confident guy, what she really means is that, yes, she wants you to have confidence in your known abilities. For example, I’m confident I can play the guitar, and I certainly don’t need courage to do that, anymore.

But when it comes to things you want to try or do, where you have no confidence at all, she wants to see you live by the fire of your heart. It’s called being courageous.

So what if you don’t know what to say, or haven’t approached girls very often – that’s normal! Light her up with how nervous you are, because you knew in your heart that you had to talk to her.

Take her by the hand, and lead her on a journey mixed with your confidence and your courage. She’ll definitely encourage it

Kevin Alexander
Kevin Alexander helps shy, introverted nice guys finish first with women via the Nice Guy Dating Daily Podcast and blog at niceguydating.ca. His brash, brutally honest yet approachable and comedic style keeps you entertained and informed about how to handle everything from dating to charm to fashion to exercise, making sure you finish first with women. When not on his podcast, you can find him guest blogging on sites such as Digital Romance Inc, SWExperts, and TSB Magazine.

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Break-up to Bombshell- Is It Really Revenge?

BREAK UP TO BOMBSHELL IS IT REALLY REVENGE

Everyone enjoys a good before and after picture. Be it the positivity that comes with an Ambush Makeover on the fourth hour of Today or the tragedy of a Parent Trap Lindsay Lohan compared to what she became. Some of our favorite pictures to see are the ones of someone a few months after a break-up.

Kourtney Kardashian’s picture is one of the latest. Many have preceded her, and we know many that many more will follow. The similarity between each is that these people tend to look amazing post break-up, and the writers of the caption seem to point the finger at revenge.

When someone looks fabulous after a break-up, why do we automatically assume it’s all about revenge against their Ex?

When we see these post break-up pictures, we read copy like “revenge diet that works” or “rocking that revenge body on the red carpet”. Granted, these people look great, but I question whether or not their weight loss or their makeover is really about their Ex. Perhaps their new look, new fitness regimen, and new smile are really about something else.

I’ve had three major break-ups in my life, and within months after each I looked better than I did when I met the Ex. Each time, the Ex played no part in it because the change in my look was all about me. Here’s why…

After a break-up, we sometimes feel like we’ve lost control of our direction. We can control our diet and exercise.

When a relationship ends, especially if you’re on the receiving end of a break-up, we can lose our sense of direction because the road we envisioned was built for two and not one. When your direction changes unexpectedly, it’s human nature to find a road that we can navigate without the aid of a co-pilot. How we eat and when we work out are two very simple roads that we can navigate as a solo act.

Sometimes we need to get out of our head, and a good workout will clear those thoughts of your Ex.

After each of my break-up experiences, my head would race with the gamut of “what ifs” and “what nows”. Nothing gets you out of your head better than a cycling class. Over time, the thoughts of your Ex subside; replaced by thoughts of your new life and the new places your life will take you.

Elle Woods said it best about those endorphins!

Thanks to Reese Witherspoon’s character, we were reminded, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” A good exercise program not only gives you that boost of happy, but also leaves you with a tighter body. The tighter body brings compliments that improve your self-esteem, giving you even more reasons to be happy. I honestly never thought I would be happy again after my last break-
up, and that couldn’t have been further from the truth. The gym helped to pave the way.

Shaking up our look before joining the dating scene also boosts up our confidence.

The hardest date you’ll ever have is that first date after your last relationship. Going into that first date with your arsenal of confidence fully loaded is the only way to have fun on that date. Confidence in your external appearance will enhance your assurance in conveying your internal feelings and words to your date. Confident daters put their best foot forward on a date, with their charm, wit and smarts operating on all cylinders.

When you see a friend that’s recently gone from break-up to bombshell, be sure to compliment their appearance, but also acknowledge the work it took for them to get to that point. The incredible look is just the result of how your friend got his or her head back on straight after a failed relationship. And if you’re like me and you’re sporting a post-relationship body that stops traffic, I say congratulations- you’re on the right road to your new incredible life!

Craig Rogers started his career as a Dating and Relationship Expert with a web-based community designed to help those experiencing the aftermath of a break-up. He has written countless articles taking from his own personal break-up and dating experiences, sharing humorous stories of hope and recovery. A 2013 Emmy nominated producer, Craig has also enjoyed hosting and producing cooking segments on QVC and Home Shopping Network. Craig lives with his two dachshunds and is currently writing his first book on relationships. For more information on Craig Rogers, please visit www.CraigRogers.nyc and follow him on Twitter @CraigRogersNYC

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Who you were is not who you are in a relationship

Who you were is not who you are in a relationship

We each have our own journey through

Our late teens and 20’s, it obviously plays out very differently for everyone. I myself was a hot mess all the way through. I had the all too often heard about story of hardships at home in an unstable, single parent environment and it led to some crazy shit as I got older. I was unpredictable, risky and mostly unhinged. I drank often, dabbled in drugs, and cheated on many a boyfriend.

For years after I got my life together

Just thinking about my past made me feel awful and ashamed. That was not the real person I am at my core and I had no way to erase all of those mistakes. Looking back, many of the guys that I discarded without a thought were honestly great guys. The kind of guy that make you say to yourself “how did you let that go?”. Others were just plain awful. Cheaters, assholes and the occasional self absorbed jerk amongst other undesirables. As the years ticked by I became harder and harder on myself when it came to my vision for my future with a partner. I didn’t think I would ever find a great person who would want me as their ‘other half’. Even if I did, how did I possibly deserve it?? I was positive that I’d ruined any good karma for my relationship future with all of those mistakes I’d made in my past. I was moving forward in so many ways while becoming my true self yet I couldn’t see myself with a fresh outlook when it came to men.

Then, I met the greatest guy

The guy. From day one, he treated me like gold (and thankfully has for the last 8 years). He barely batted an eye each time I told him a story about who I was back then. “You were a kid” he would always say, “We all have a past babe, it’s not who you are as a person, it’s just your past”. WOW. That was a game changer for me. I started to see his point and realized that I did, in fact, deserve this man. I am a really good person who, like everyone else, has a past. In my case, it’s one that’s colorful and pretty crazy but I wouldn’t change it for anything. If I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t be what I think is a pretty amazing wife and mother. Learning the hard way really did bring out the best in me in the end. After all, it’s not who you were in your past relationships, it’s who you are in this one that makes all the difference. Learn from your mistakes and look back fondly while being kind to the memories of your younger self. They’re what made you the you that you have to offer to someone else now, happily ever after.

Cat Holmes
I’m southern belle at heart turned Denver wife and mom that stays sane by sticking to our #1 rule of 2 date nights per week. I run hard chasing littles by day and search for good food, drinks and fun by night.

Follow me on Twitter

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Dear Sybersue: I Want to Start Dating Again after my Divorce but I Feel Old & Unattractive!

Dear Sybersue- dating after divorce

 

Hi Sybersue,

I am a big fan of your talk show and have been watching many of your videos to help get me out of this self sabotaging stage I seem to be stuck in since my marriage ended 1 year ago.  I am 38 years old with 2 children ages 9 and 12.  My 45 year old husband ended the relationship because he said he was tired of my sweat pant wardrobe and that I never wanted to do anything. OK he is right about the clothing part but his idea of “doing something” is rock climbing on a vertical slab 2000 ft up, ice camping in the Rockies or hiking up Mount Everest! He’s obsessed and fanatical about staying in shape and is not happy just going for a bike ride or playing basketball with the kids!  A long romantic walk on the beach would never be a part of his online dating profile I can assure you of that!  He verbally bashes me anytime he can, which is usually about my appearance or my nursing career. He hates it that I take care of anyone but him! To be honest, I am relieved we have ended our 15 year partnership as even my children were fed up with having to be a part of all his fear factor day treks and need for control!

So…the main reason I am writing is because I seem to have developed a self esteem issue about my physical appearance and taken on the attitude of “who would want me!”  I cut myself down at any given chance and can’t stand to see my own reflection in the mirror right now.  I used to be a beautiful confident woman up until about 3 years ago when my relationship started going downhill.  My husband hasn’t really looked at me in a sensual way since he had an affair with a 27 year old a few years back.  (I found out through a friend who happened to see them out a few times.) When I confronted him he didn’t deny it but said he stop seeing her if I was more sexual towards him. It didn’t seem to matter when I was 3 years ago; he still stepped out on our marriage!

Since then I gave up and figured what’s the point? He still found someone else he preferred, no matter how many sexy outfits I wore, how many sexting messages I sent or how pretty I did my hair for him.  He just constantly threw her in my face and complained about everything at home.  He also repeatedly said how much older I looked than my 38 years! I am grateful to say that men still look at me and I am not over weight but I still don’t know how I can get past this self defeating place I have put myself in. What is wrong with me and how can I change this.  I would like to meet someone and have a “real” relationship one day!

Help!

Kristina B.

 

Hi Kristina,

I am so glad you wrote because there are many other women who feel this way when a long term relationship ends.  It takes time to build yourself back up after this type of scenario and even the strongest women have self esteem issues after a break up.  Throw an affair in the mix and it can set a person back for a very long time dealing with the hurt and rejection they feel.

So let’s talk about your ex husband.  I don’t know his name but he sounds like a Dick so let’s use that to refer to him in this advice column from now on. Dick has some serious control issues here and he has been playing with your self-worth. He is not a partner; he is an all or nothing guy with everything having to be ALL his way. He even puts this onto his children with how he controls what day to day activities the family has to participate in.  Dick is 45 and is the one having the real problem dealing with his age and looks! He threw those comments at you because of his own “fear of getting old” demons! His affair was all about that ~ soothing his aging ego! Many of the things that your husband rudely verbalized to you are really about him.  He started to squash you because he felt crappy about himself!

The fact that you felt good about yourself up until the affair 3 years ago is a good sign that you can find your way back to that place again. You just have to erase that negative programming that your husband kept feeding you in those last few years together. Due to his own aging insecurities and maybe some guilt, he was trying to drag you down to make himself feel better. Think of the cliché “Misery Loves Company.”

You need to change your surroundings and only include positive people in your day to day activities. I am sure the nursing helps a little and thank God you had that to escape to over the years. I have huge respect for nurses! Go out and do all those little things that were beneath your husband’s outrageous demands. You’re free to do as you please now and how liberating that must feel to you. Take back your power that Dick stole from you and be thankful that you have a new stage of your life to look forward to!

You’re young and beautiful and there is someone out there for you but you have to make the effort to get out to meet them. You are worthy of love so start visualizing yourself in a loving happy place. Your children need to see this from you too as they want to see their mother doing well. When you’re happy they’re happy. The next time you walk by that mirror I want you to look at yourself and say “I am a beautiful woman inside and out” at least 2-3 times per day. I promise you in a short time you will start to believe it again and you will not give Dick’s bullying comments another thought.  Dick who?

Go get ‘em girl and keep me posted on how you are doing! Thanks for watching my videos!

Sybersue <3

Please Check out my Dating & Relationship Videos at http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Blogger/Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist, Interviewer & Certified Life Coach. She attended BCIT in Burnaby, B.C. for studies in Broadcasting. Susan is an Advice Columnist @ Dear Sybersue which is also the title of her book available at Amazon, Itunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and many other book platforms. Susan was recently named a VIP member of Worldwide Branding. This special distinction honors individuals who have shown exceptional commitment to achieving personal and professional success. Susan has devoted her career to helping others find happiness. Over the past decade she has established a stellar reputation as a sought-after dating & relationship expert, advice columnist, blogger & interviewer. She is best known for hosting a lifestyle talk show for an International audience on YouTube and has garnered more than 1.3 million views which consists of interviews, dating/relationship/lifestyle advice & comical skits. She is also an EXPERT Writer & Dating Adviser at examiner.com. She makes you think!

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In Online Matchmaking, Make Them See ‘Red’

IN ONLINE MATCHMAKING MAKE THEM SEE RED

 

The amount of bizarre research out there about what does or does not make someone an online “match” is enough to make even the most optimistic romantic throw up his or her hands and take a lifetime celibacy oath.  Based on some of these studies, we humans are such silly, irrational creatures that something as arbitrary as the color of a shirt or blouse can significantly affect how attractive we think someone is.  If you think I’m engaging in hyperbole to make a point, take a look at two different studies involving the power of color in how we perceive physical attractiveness.

A then-groundbreaking study by the University of Rochester in 2008 showed men pictures of various women and asked the men to numerically rate the physical attractiveness of each woman.  The results found that men rated women wearing red as more attractive than those wearing any other color, even when presented of identical pictures in which only the color of the woman’s shirt had been changed.  In fact, the study found the color red so powerful that men did the exact same thing when only the frame of the picture was changed to red.

And not only did men find the “red” ladies more physically attractive, when asked the question “how much money would you be willing to spend on your date” with the women pictured, the respondents consistently offered a bigger chunk of their wallet.   So ladies, the next time some blowhard tells you that men are the more logical sex, change into a red dress and watch him become putty in your hands.

But then two years later, research in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that women are just as susceptible to the seemingly-random influence of color as the men were, and not just in the United States.  This multicultural study found that women in the US, England, Germany and China all found men more attractive when wearing—or even framed by—the color red.  The breadth of the study was important because it answered whether the power of red was culturally influenced.  It turns out that no, you don’t have to be an idiot American (of which I am one) to be irrationally hypnotized by the color of a blouse or polo shirt.

A secondary, but equally interesting, finding in the latter study was that red’s inexplicable-but-clinically-demonstrable power held only for the opposite sex.  When asked to rate the power and masculinity of the men pictured, male respondents were color-blind, rating their own sex as no more or less masculine when wearing red than any other color.  So boys, that red power tie of yours won’t serve you any better in a business meeting than if it were hot pink.

So what do these two studies say about us and our own online mating rituals?  Primarily, it says that our choice of online mates may be considerably more illogical than we’d like to admit.  But most of all, it says that it may be time to pull out that red sports coat or crimson cocktail dress and take a new profile picture, because sometimes even common sense is forced to bow at the altar of mad romance.

 

Your-Ex-Boyfriend-Will-Hate-This

Blue Sullivan
Blue Sullivan has been writing professionally for almost two decades, contributing to magazines, newspapers and sites like Slant Magazine, SingleInTheCity and Insite Atlanta. In addition to writing advice columns, pop-culture reviews, and op-ed pieces, he has interviewed music & arts luminaries including Johnny Depp, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Bridges, Barbara Streisand, Terry Gilliam, Benicio del Toro, Kevin Smith, Eric Bogosian, Oasis, Radiohead and Weezer. In 2004, he sold the motion picture screenplay, Saturday 2am, to Cucaloris Films, a production company founded by Producer Stephen Israel, known for Swimming with Sharks. Sullivan has a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, Minors in Mathematics & Communications, graduating magna cum laude from Auburn University and a Masters of Professional Writing, graduating summa cum laude from the University of Southern California.

Blue Sullivan is the author of the recently-released dating advice book, Your Ex-Boyfriend Will Hate This, available via Amazon.

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Six Easy Ways to Start Feeling Confident and Sexy

START FEELING CONFIDENT AND SEXY

Feeling sexy is so much more than getting your hair and makeup done, or wearing your man’s favorite outfit. It does not mean looking like a porn star or have to have anything to do with sex itself. The ability to feel sexy is built on self-confidence, self-love, and being happy in your own skin. If you want to feel sexy for your boyfriend or husband you have to start by feeling sexy for yourself. Trust me, they will notice! Here are my tips for getting that confidence kicked up a notch.

Wear Clothes you Love

Wear clothes that make you feel hot. I am not talking about mini skirts and high heels either. I have a baggy sweatshirt that falls off my shoulders and makes me feel like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Does my husband think it’s the sexiest outfit ever, no probably not, but he does notice that I dance around the room when I am wearing it and he enjoys that. When you dress sexy for yourself, you exude confidence and everyone will recognize and appreciate it. Wear those yoga pants that make your butt look amazing or that teal tank top that shows off your eye color, whatever makes you feel good!

Get Away From the Mirror

This is so important. The amount of times I was feeling confident until I spent way too long looking at myself in a mirror is insane. It becomes a game of find all the flaws and the hairstyle you were rocking suddenly looks silly and your tummy is sticking out more then it should. You are the only one who will notice these little things so do not allow yourself to get mirror-conscience. Do a quick once over in front of the mirror, and then walk out the door. You look fierce, and everyone will see that!

Learn to Take a Compliment

When someone says they love your hair today, learn how to just say “Thank You!”, there is no need to say how messy it is, how bad your split ends are, or to diminish the compliment. People give compliments because they mean them and you should be happy to accept them and allow them to boost your confidence. Stop trying to find faults in yourself, you deserve the positive attention!

Listen to Your Favorite Music

Feeling sexy goes way beyond how you look on the outside. Its all about how you feel on the inside. Music is a great way of bringing out your sexy self by allowing your personality to shine through. Whether it’s putting on some Britney Spears and doing your best “Slave for you” imitation or rocking out to some heavy metal, music can bring out your inner confidence like no other and put you in an amazing mood.

Wear Sexy Underwear

Who cares if no one sees it but you, it’s all about how you feel! Wearing cute matching undie and bra set underneath your work uniform can make you feel like you have a sexy secret that no one else knows. You may even walk a little bit more confidently (or that could be a wedgie!) and flirt a little more.

Get Active

It’s amazing how quickly you can start to feel good when you start exercising. Even before you lose a pound or see any difference in the mirror, you will feel better. Your posture will improve, you will like the way you look more in your clothes, and you will feel proud. All this will lead to you feeling sexier than ever. Finding activities that boost your confidence and get you fit at the same time can change your life.

Simply put, you should not be sexy for other people, you should feel sexy for yourself and that confidence will shine through. Wear makeup that makes you feel good, wear clothes that make you happy and do activities that let you shine. All these things will lead you to a confident and sexy life.

Chris and Katie
Chris and Katie are the Love Tripper’s. They have been together for over 9 years, and got married in April 2014. They believe the that the key to a healthy long lasting relationship takes constant work and effort. The Love Tripper’s are going to share their advice on how to keep that sexy fire burning, avoid pointless arguments, and find deeper love in your partner every day. Love is a trip, enjoy the ride!

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Does Your “Hotness” Affect Your Sexual History?

does your hotness affect your sexual history

While doing research for my dating advice book, Your Ex-Boyfriend Will Hate This, I found that there is a confounding relationship between logic and illogic in the way we view sexual attraction. And since writing the book 3 years ago, the research continues to be comprised of roughly equal parts common sense and mystifying madness.

Some of the research is surprising on its face, but when examined more closely, does provide trenchant insight into how the genders differ in key ways when it comes to sex. A 2013 study conducted at the University of Notre Dame by sociologist Elizabeth McClinton drew from a survey of about 14,000 young adults to investigate whether level of personal attractiveness affected the sexual choices of men and women. She found that women who were rated as very physically attractive were more apt to seek out monogamous relationships than casual sex. They were also less likely to have sex in the earliest stages of dating, and had fewer sexual partners. However, in men, she found the exact opposite to be true. The number of sexual partners for men demonstrably increased based on their perceived desirability to the opposite sex.

This study isn’t that revelatory when you think about it, but it does have some potentially troubling things to say about the connection between intimacy and the way we view ourselves. In addition to finding that level of attractiveness had an inverse relationship to the number of sexual partners among women, the study found that weight had a clear effect as well. Women who were below the average body mass index (the relationship between weight and height) had fewer partners than those above it.

So what does this say about the way we view ourselves, and the cultural codes we’ve been taught, when it comes to who we sleep with? It’s unlikely that women rated as less physically attractive have a more voracious sexual appetite and less interest in substantive romantic relationships. It’s equally unlikely that “hot” guys want sex more than those blessed with less dazzling cheekbones. Instead, it suggests that—despite all the great advances we’ve made in terms gender equality, both in and out of the bedroom—some ugly, retrograde ideas have survived. Namely, that it’s normal for men to sleep with as many women as they are able to, without any potentially adverse affects on their ability to find true intimacy. But women are still being taught that if you aren’t a thin supermodel, you are less deserving of real, lasting love.

Even if this idea has migrated from the overt to the subliminal, our culture is still sending the general message to women that “you are only as valuable and deserving of true love as how ‘hot’ you are”. This is, of course, absolutely goddamned ridiculous. That this still isn’t common knowledge among young women is damning evidence that, despite all our pretense to modernity, it’s still unfortunately a man’s world.*

Blue Sullivan
Blue Sullivan has been writing professionally for almost two decades, contributing to magazines, newspapers and sites like Slant Magazine, SingleInTheCity and Insite Atlanta. In addition to writing advice columns, pop-culture reviews, and op-ed pieces, he has interviewed music & arts luminaries including Johnny Depp, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Bridges, Barbara Streisand, Terry Gilliam, Benicio del Toro, Kevin Smith, Eric Bogosian, Oasis, Radiohead and Weezer. In 2004, he sold the motion picture screenplay, Saturday 2am, to Cucaloris Films, a production company founded by Producer Stephen Israel, known for Swimming with Sharks. Sullivan has a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature, Minors in Mathematics & Communications, graduating magna cum laude from Auburn University and a Masters of Professional Writing, graduating summa cum laude from the University of Southern California.

Blue Sullivan is the author of the recently-released dating advice book, Your Ex-Boyfriend Will Hate This, available via Amazon.

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