3 Hottest Things to Say During Phone Sex

“What are you wearing?”

This is the typical way that those who want to have phone sex get things started. But maybe it’s time you spice it up a bit with some more creative ideas. Are you in a bit of rut with your partner and need an injection of hotness for your next call? Try these three things to say during phone sex.


Of course, you don’t want to sit there in silence. There needs to be sound, but maybe there doesn’t need to be words throughout the whole call. Moaning, grunting, and letting the phone go where the noises are can be extremely arousing. Put the phone down and let her listen to you imagine being inside of her while you lube up and start stroking. Or turn on some toys and start playing.

Think about finding a public space where you can still have some privacy and get yourself off over the phone. Just hearing the sounds of the streets or nature along with your moaning gives a different perspective than just thinking about you home on your couch. Some of the hottest parts of telefetish phone sex calls are when no one is talking at all.

I Won’t Judge You

One of the hottest things you can say to your phone sex partner is something like “I’m not going to judge you, you can say anything.” Once you give someone permission to be themselves without repercussions, then the real sexual desires tend to come out. Sometimes it takes hearing that you are still going to be accepted to truly let loose. This is especially true for women as we have been taught that being sexual and having lusty thoughts is inherently bad. However, that certainly doesn’t keep most women from doing so. Just prepare yourself. You might hear some freaky fantasies, but stick to your word and don’t judge. Let it be.

One Time at Band Camp

Telling someone else the sexual things you have done before, with other people, can be one of the hottest experiences for couples who are really secure in their relationship. Maybe there is a certain memory that will not leave your mind, or a technique someone once tried that sent you through the roof? If you talk about it in advance, you might be surprised to hear that it excites her to think about you with someone else. But play fair, she gets to tell her sexy stories, too.

These scenarios are easy to play out over the phone because you don’t have to think about some fictional story. This is something that actually happened to you so you just need to tell the story in detail. Talk about how someone wanted you and she will feel lucky that she is the one that ends up with you in the end.

Whether you are in a long distance relationship, or want to spice up your work days away from your partner, try these tips to take your phone sex game to the next level and leave both of you wanting more.

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Dating In Dartford


Your Vibrant Local Singles Scene.

Looking for love doesn’t need to be a chore – Dartford has so much to offer that you’ll have lots of fun along the way.

Looking for love can be a daunting prospect – especially if you’re a little out of practice! If you live in Dartford though, you’re in luck. This vibrant part of Kent has plenty to offer singletons, whether you’re looking for “The One” or just a little bit of fun. So what options should you explore? Here you’ll find out exactly what’s going on in Dartford, so that you can get yourself out there and meet someone new straight away.

Online dating.

Online dating is incredibly popular, no matter your age. With nearly all of us owning smartphones, connecting with fellow singletons can be done with a few swipes – you’re pretty much holding your love life in the palm of your hand. Tinder needs no introduction – and it’s great for people on the go who want to meet someone quickly. There are a great number of other dating sites out there too, such as FreeDating and Plenty of Fish, where you can see at a glance who’s looking for love in your area.

The local nightlife.

Dartford is home to plenty of pubs, bars and clubs – so it’s the perfect place to go if you’re looking to meet someone new on a night out. For a quiet drink, head to The Royal Oak. This pub is just outside of the town centre, making it ideal for those who just want to relax in comfortable surroundings. The Courthouse is slightly livelier, but still has a really welcoming atmosphere.

If you’re in the mood for partying though, you’ve got plenty of other options. The Crush Lounge is a sophisticated bar that really comes alive of an evening, and at the weekend it’s the destination of choice for many of the locals. A night out at Air and Breathe is fun no matter your age – Air is aimed at 18-24 while the more intimate Breathe is a haven for the over-25’s. With so much going on, you’re bound to bump into some fellow singletons on a Dartford night out!

Spend the night with an escort.

For some, the thought of getting out there and meeting someone is really nerve-racking. If that sounds like you, then there’s a solution. An evening with a gorgeous mature escort is the perfect introduction to dating. Perhaps you’re a little rusty after being in a relationship for a long time? Or maybe you’re just a little inexperienced? Whatever your circumstances, your escort will take the time to help you relax. Thanks to her years of experience, she knows exactly how to please a man and she’ll be able to show you how to impress a woman too. After all, who said that learning couldn’t be fun?

Here’s to finding love!

So there you have it – your quick guide to dating in Dartford! There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, just choose what feels right for you. Perhaps love is only a few clicks away? Maybe you prefer to meet someone by chance? Or does a no-strings attached date with an escort tickle your fancy? However you choose to date, Dartford is a really fun place to do it.

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Declaration of Independence from Online Dating

Craig rodger independence

Acts of declaration are obviously the new black.  Americans are about to celebrate their Declaration of Independence from the UK.  The UK just declared their independence from the EU.  In the next few weeks, the Republicans and the Democrats will convene to declare their party’s nominee for the US Presidential Election.

Declarations continue as we usher in summer.  We declare a détente with winter coats and spring umbrellas in favor of shorts and suntans.  We declare that the excitement of the season gives us a great reason to be outside with friends old and new.  We declare to take advantage of all the wonders summer has to offer.

There’s one more declaration I suggest to the single dater… declare to take the summer off from online dating.

With the warm season upon us, we not only get to enjoy sunny days but also fun-filled nights full of activity.  Summer brings a level of excitement and a great reason to get outside.  As a single on the dating scene, taking the summer off from online dating provides several perks:

Meet other singles the old fashioned way.

Going to parties, barbeques, and rooftop bars just scratch the surface of venues to meet single people.  Take advantage of meeting the friends of friends too- there’s really nothing wrong with that “set-up”; be open to that possibility.

Be a living and breathing dating profile in real-time. 

You can learn a lot from a well-written profile and some smartly chosen photography, but nothing beats experiencing a potential date in person.  Hearing the inflection in their voice, replacing the “LOL” with the sounds of real laughter and enjoying the spark that comes with eye contact will have you well on your way to an official first date.

You might just move forward if you look straight ahead as opposed to looking at your smart phone.

Stepping away from the computer and smart phone allows you to connect with actual people.  Think of it… the excitement of walking on the street and looking at people instead of checking if your online profile is getting any traction.  Doing so will put you in the game that’s around you.

You really have nothing to lose taking the summer off from online dating. Enjoy the possibility of meeting other singles in real time with a backdrop of sunshine and smiles. Take a chance on finding some summer loving in real time… you might just take that seasonal forecast from hot to steamy!

Craig Rogers started his career as a Dating and Relationship Expert with a web-based community designed to help those experiencing the aftermath of a break-up. He has written countless articles taking from his own personal break-up and dating experiences, sharing humorous stories of hope and recovery. A 2013 Emmy nominated producer, Craig has also enjoyed hosting and producing cooking segments on QVC and Home Shopping Network. Craig lives with his two dachshunds and is currently writing his first book on relationships. For more information on Craig Rogers, please visit www.CraigRogers.nyc and follow him on Twitter @CraigRogersNYC

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3 Times it is ok to hit the pause button on dating

3 Times it is ok to hit the pause button on dating

Meeting new people, going on dates, chatting online to potential mates and sitting through endless speed dating events or set-ups can and will take a toll on you and it is perfectly OK to hit the pause button for a while.

I’ve just recently taken a pause myself and discovered amazing new things about myself like exactly what it is I am looking for in a partner and how to enjoy male company without the pressure of always wondering if there is something more.

Those realizations, though, took long and hard work and were precipitated by some harrowing and tiresome dating experiences.

Here are three times it is OK to hit the pause button on dating:

1)      You’re being stood up once too often:

Sometimes, it is a simple case of you being more invested in a date than the other person is or they got nervous and freaked out.

It doesn’t take the sting out of sitting all alone like an idiot for 30 minutes, an hour etc and having people stare at you at a restaurant, bowling alley, theatre play etc with pity in their eyes.

What’s worse is if your date didn’t even have the courtesy to text or call to let you know they cannot make it.

This, you need to understand, is not your fault – someone who does this to you, isn’t the one for you so gather your dignity and let it go.

The next time you get invited on a date, let that person put in all of the hard work and enthusiasm.

2)      Online suitors are rude and pushy:

I had a guy calling me nasty names and insulting me because I wasn’t responding to his messages as quickly or as enthusiastically as he’d like.

It didn’t seem to matter to him that he wasn’t putting in the work to ask me worthwhile questions or trying to get to know me- he was angry that I wasn’t fawning over him.

I realized that if this was the way he was acting before I met him, he wasn’t worth meeting … screw it, time to log out!

3)      You’re bored by potential mates:

This happens when conversation at dinner or online is stilted, frustrating and/or one side. You’re doing all of the question asking and your potential mate is talking constantly about themselves, their possessions, their jobs, the weather etc but taking no real interest in you or showing that there is more depth to them.
Honestly, if you think you’d have more fun catching up on the latest Game of Thrones episode than have to attempt conversation with a vacuous individual, it’s ok to say thanks but no thanks to a second date or online conversation.

Hitting the pause button and enjoying some me-time is an amazing, freeing experience and one you should take every now and then to clean the slate for the next round of dating. Go on and do it!

Fazielah Williams
Fazielah Williams is a blogger and publicist from Cape Town, South Africa. Born and raised in the gorgeous Mother City, she’s a lover of all things chocolate, travel, magic and love. Her quest for love and meeting the father of her future children has led to a number of hilarious and often embarrassing situations which she chronicles on her blog site www.ctgirlwiththeredscarf.com

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Four Tips for Highly Effective Online Dating Profile

online dating 1

If you have decided to take the plunge into online dating, whether you are a newly single or have been single for a while, or are rejoining the dating pool after a divorce or being widowed, it can be an exciting undertaking. Thanks to the wide variety of different sites targeted at everyone from ‘cougars’ (older women who want to date younger men) to young professionals, and from religious people to older singles (like loveagain.com, which is a great site for mature dating), most people can find a site they enjoy using with a great number or relevant potential matches close to their location.

online dating

Photo by Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

Of course, a big part of attracting plays the photos you use in your profile. Here are four tips to help you choose pictures to impress, and give the right feeling!

 Use the Right Number of Pictures

Choose between three and five photos. Experts agree that this is the optimum amount – any more looks like a vanity photo album that is better suited to Facebook and may make potential matches feel a bit ‘stalkerish’ looking through them all. Choose less and it implies you only have one or two pictures of yourself you like the best!

No Group Photos

Whether you want to show how sociable and fun you are, or how much you love your family, don’t express this by having your friends, kids or other family members in your profile pictures. It can be confusing for a potential match to work out which one is you in a group picture with friends, and no matter how important your family is to you, your potential date want to date you not your family. They might come to love your kids or parents later, but first they want you. Also avoid any photos with an ex-partner.

Wear Bright Colours

Unless you have a very specific style that involves literally only wearing a certain type of thing choose photos where you are wearing bright colours to help you stand out. It is a known fact that men notice women in red 10 times oftener then in any other colour. Red and pastel shades are thought to be the most psychologically appealing on women for dating.


A genuine smile makes you look friendly, fun to be around, and appealing. If you want to dial it up a notch, some experts recommend a flirty or sexy smile, though this really depends if you are a flirty person in real life!

Choosing great profile pictures is more about looking interesting and lively than looking like a model, so avoid Photoshop and very posed pictures, and instead pick some shots you are happy with how you look in but which feel natural and reflective of how you really are!

Now you know that your profile picture is your lucky ticket to meet compatible singes to make friends and ideally find your perfect match. Make sure you choose the best one!

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How to Survive another Bad Date

How to survive another bad date


You are ready to go on another date but the last time you went on one it was a disaster. As a matter of fact the last 5 dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! Bad Dates can include a variety of circumstances dealing with lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behavior or something embarrassing that may have happened.

We ALL have our stories:

One guy I had dated a few times went up to use my bathroom, came down 10 minutes later and said he had to leave! WTF? I couldn’t find anything incriminating in my medicine cabinet. Talk about a Seinfeld episode! I went cycling on another first date and spun out in the gravel, fell off my bike & ended up at the hospital! Another memorable time, my date got pissed off at something he didn’t agree with, quickly paid the restaurant bill and didn’t even stop the car to let me out at my front door. I now refer to that as my “tuck & roll” bad date!

Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut starts churning, don’t go there! Even a text can show red flags!

 10 Things to be Aware of on a First Date:

  1. Are they attentive to you & are you attracted to them?
  2. Did they make an effort with their appearance and compliment yours?
  3. Is the conversation shared equally or does it feel like an interview?  Is it all about them?
  4. Are they respectful and polite throughout the date? What did their body language say?
  5. Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too serious?
  6. Did they follow through on the original date plans and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
  7. Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
  8. Did they take you to your car or your front door after the date ends?
  9. How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow freely or is awkward or forced?  (Opposites may attract but they seldom stay together.)
  10. Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them & really want to see them again? Make sure there is a fit and don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.

What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?

Many people are too nice or shy to say anything controversial when things aren’t going well. It is always a good idea to tell them you have a 2 hour time limit on the first date so that they are aware that you have to be somewhere else. Do not go to their house or let them pick you up until you have established a trust & rapport with them. Always be in control of your entrance and departure in the early stages of meeting someone for safety purposes.

No matter how many texts or phone calls you may have had with them, you still don’t know them yet. (There are some pretty good manipulative writers out there.) Don’t get sucked into their smooth talking ways until you have met them face to face.  Eye contact will tell you a lot about a person!

Should you be Honest if your Date is Rude?

Most people do not know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date is awful they just walk away and let it go as an experience they don’t want to repeat! You could make a difference in their life by tactfully telling them what bothered you and maybe they will learn from it. Some people really don’t know how they come across to others. You may have been put in their path to teach them something about themselves.

Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves but also what we can do for someone else.  

I was introduced to a guy through a friend who spent our entire first date on the phone. After an hour went by I got up from my seat, went over to the server, paid my share of the bill and left without a word. I am not sure he even noticed. He had no respect for me or my time and didn’t even hold up a finger to silently apologize. It was obviously something he did regularly and thought nothing of it. I was offended but got over it quickly. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behavior or take it too personally. It’s their stuff to deal with and some people are just rude; plain and simple.

One of the ways to prevent some disaster dates is by pre-screening and really paying attention to the initial way they interact with you!

  • Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth.  People lie all the time! Also be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they may have for you. Talk to them on the phone first before meeting them and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
  • Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some sort of social media tool like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. If it’s out there in cyberspace it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
  • Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement?  When applying for a job you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately many men & women make the mistake of not really hearing what is being said on the first few dates and could save themselves a lot of time and energy seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
  • Cocktails may make you loosen up on a date but alcohol changes up what we perceive about a person and how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine but if you want to get the real version of who they are, coffee is a much better choice on that first date.

Too many embarrassing things happen when alcohol enters the picture too early. (Just watch a few episodes of “The Bachelor or Bachelorette” reality show to see what I mean!)

  • Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, how much money they have, what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly and how many people they have slept with! They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.

When Planning a First Date:

  • Always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather or something that may be uncomfortable for your date.
  • Be organized, follow through and always respect their time.  Do not bail last minute on a date because something better may have come up!
  • We all have first date insecurities so the more information they have regarding the date particulars will put them at ease because there will be no surprises. They will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners) if they should eat beforehand and can look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date venue you chose.
  • Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before.  It puts them at ease knowing you haven’t forgotten about it and that you are thinking about them & looking forward to seeing them.

Dating can be a great experience if you are smart and observe each scenario with clarity. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind but don’t spend time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!

It should be a natural fit that flows without too many questions or a thousand compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love; treat it with the same patience & determination as you would with any other goal in your life; it’s always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.


Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Blogger/Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist, Interviewer & Certified Life Coach. She attended BCIT in Burnaby, B.C. for studies in Broadcasting. Susan is an Advice Columnist @ Dear Sybersue which is also the title of her book available at Amazon, Itunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and many other book platforms. Susan was recently named a VIP member of Worldwide Branding. This special distinction honors individuals who have shown exceptional commitment to achieving personal and professional success. Susan has devoted her career to helping others find happiness. Over the past decade she has established a stellar reputation as a sought-after dating & relationship expert, advice columnist, blogger & interviewer. She is best known for hosting a lifestyle talk show for an International audience on YouTube and has garnered more than 1.3 million views which consists of interviews, dating/relationship/lifestyle advice & comical skits. She is also an EXPERT Writer & Dating Adviser at examiner.com. She makes you think!

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Top Romantic Cities to Visit in the World

Top romantic cities


Whether you are a romantic nature planning a vacation or a newly married couple deciding where to spend a honeymoon, you must be browsing the Internet and collecting different booklets in searches of a romantic destination. To facilitate your searches, bridesdating.com offers you a list of the cities with the most romantic atmosphere.

Seville, Spain

Seville embodies all the amenities of Spain. This city is very cozy: it’s large enough but not overcrowded. Walk down the orange tree lined trees; get lost in the winding streets and discover secret corners of the city; contemplate Moorish architecture of the Plaza de Espana, see a bull fight in the Plaza de Toros. Eat at a local tapa bar after a long walk.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Seeking romance, fine dining, and the charm of a bustling city? You will find them all in Buenos Aires. “Paris of South America”, as it’s often called, Buenos Aires attracts honeymooners from all over the world. A number one thing to do here is to watch a tango show and it’s a must. This is the city where you’ll find what to do at any time of the day. Feel the Latin warmth, contemplate splendid architecture, take a stroll in the parks during the day and plunge into a sultry atmosphere of the nightlife.

Lisbon, Portugal

Lisbon is the city of contrasts where each couple will find something up to them. Be prepared to walk a lot since the city is full of hills and steps. But the incredible views from those hills are worth your short breath. Picturesque streets, tiled facades, pastel-colored buildings make Lisbon one of the most scenic cities in the world.


Quebec City, Canada

Looking for a winter romantic getaway? Quebec City, the crown jewel of French Canada, is waiting for you. You will never forget your vacation spent in this snow-covered city. The 18th-century stone fortification surrounding the city creates an intimate ambiance.

Prague, Czech Republic

This city of the thousand spires, which is a nickname for Prague, lures a lot of romantic natures. You’ll fall in love with the city’s fairytale landscapes, grand historical monuments, romantic streets, cobbled streets, and stunning views on the spires of old buildings from the bridges that cross the Vltava River.

Sydney, Australia

Dine at one of Sydney’s harbourside restaurants or cafés and watch the sun set over Sydney Harbour. Explore the night sky together with your partner at the Sydney Observatory. Enjoy the best sunset view on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Chiang Mai

Chiang Mai is the Thai capital of romance. This ancient city is as if created for honeymooners. Take a cruise on the Mae Ping River and enjoy the scenery of Chiang Mai province. The moated old part of the city is full ancient temples. Some of them were built 700 years ago. One of the oldest and most important is the Doi Suthep Temple situated on top of the tallest in Thailand Doi Suthep Mountain. The view from there is breathtaking. Enjoy a romantic picnic near the Mae Sa Waterfall.

Dan Woolmer
Daniel Woolmer is the Marketing and PR Manager at WareHouseDating.com. Managing niche dating sites which helps people find their forever Mr or Mrs Right now. Business and dating blogger who works on The SWExperts, he brings an open-minded flare and unique individual style to the business/dating scene. A passionate activist for LGBT equality, human and animal rights along with rescuing abandoned reptiles.

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Getting Adeled… When Your Ex Says “Hello…”

Getting Adeled When Your Ex Says Hello


You can’t turn on a radio without hearing Adele.  “Hello… it’s me….” rings through my head and on my car radio every 15 minutes.  I fully admit to liking the song (it’s Adele- how can you not?) and the lyrics are well written.  You feel for her because her Ex is never there when she calls.  You feel sad that she feels bad because she made mistakes in her last relationship and now wants to own them.  And then you can’t help but wonder about her Ex.  Maybe the break-up doesn’t tear him up anymore.  Maybe he’s never home because he’s living a fantastic post break-up life.  Maybe he just doesn’t want to engage.


But what if the Ex was YOU, and you received a call from the other side?  If you have, then congratulations!  You’ve just been Adeled!


I was Adeled last week by a man I dated for three months at the beginning of summer.  The email started very similar to her lyrics… “Hello.  How are you?”.  And then the pontifications of regret poured faster than an alcoholic beverage on the set of the fourth hour of Today.  After the last drop of “I miss you… you were so good to me… what was I thinking?” poured, the request for a coffee date followed.

What was I to do with this?  What’s the proper response to being Adeled?

There are a few ways to handle being Adeled- here are some options that you may find helpful in responding to your call from the outside:

  1. If you feel you need some closure, continue the conversation.

    Sometimes when relationships end, the final sentence may not include an ending punctuation.  Do you have unanswered questions?  Do you have a few things remaining to say?  If closure is something you desire and getting it is safe for you, then by all means get the resolution you need.  Time and space may provide the necessary perspective to enter the conversation in a proactive manner, resulting in the closure you truly need.


  1. If you want to reinvestigate a relationship with this person, continue the conversation.

    Couples break-up for a myriad of reasons, and to make a blanket assumption that all Exs are evil and never to be dealt with again isn’t a fair assumption to make.  Every relationship scenario is different, including wrong place, wrong time, and miscommunication.  If you feel that the atmospheric conditions favor investigating a potential reconciliation, then by all means try because your Ex just did.


  1. If you’ve worked through the breakup and need nothing from this person to further you on your path, then decline the conversation.

    If you’ve successfully moved on from this relationship and have done so with the necessary closure, then there’s no need to open the Pandora’s box placed before you.  You already have hope; no need to find it remaining when you unleash the past by opening the box.  Simply don’t respond and continue on your path.  There’s no need to berate them for reaching out, as they were brave in doing so.  In your situation, perhaps the bravery exhibited by your Ex is materializing too late.


Obviously you’re in the driver’s seat if you find yourself being Adeled.  How you respond to that call from the outside is a choice you’ll make based on where you are emotionally when the Adeleing happens.  And if you’re thinking of Adeleing your Ex, really think about it before you send that email or pick up that phone.  You may get the desired response, or you might find yourself singing the blues.

Craig Rogers started his career as a Dating and Relationship Expert with a web-based community designed to help those experiencing the aftermath of a break-up. He has written countless articles taking from his own personal break-up and dating experiences, sharing humorous stories of hope and recovery. A 2013 Emmy nominated producer, Craig has also enjoyed hosting and producing cooking segments on QVC and Home Shopping Network. Craig lives with his two dachshunds and is currently writing his first book on relationships. For more information on Craig Rogers, please visit www.CraigRogers.nyc and follow him on Twitter @CraigRogersNYC

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3 Scenarios where ‘Ghosting’ is totally acceptable


There are a few things that we celebrate people for stopping ‘cold turkey.’ Smoking. Drinking. Dating?

In most dating scenarios, deciding to disappear rather than engaging in a conversation about the end of the courtship would be bad form. While it’s generally considered rude to suddenly vanish from a new romantic partner’s life, there are are few instances where ghosting might be a better solution for ending a potential relationship that has gone wrong.

But what is ghosting? Ghosting is the act of disappearing after beginning a courtship or starting to date someone. Something happens that makes you change your mind about a potential love-interest so you decide to stop texting, calling, and going on dates with that person making it seem like you’ve vanished right before someone’s eyes…like a ghost.

Now that we are clear on what ghosting actually is, here are 3 scenarios where ghosting is acceptable and possibly even your best option after you’ve decided to stop dating someone….

1. You feel threatened or unsafe

It’s possible to misread a new love-interest with a lot of potential especially if you’ve met online or via app. If you go on a date with someone new and your date has misrepresented himself or herself, he or she makes threatening remarks, or does something to make you feel unsafe for any reason, ghosting could be your best option. When dealing with someone who might not be operating at a high level of integrity or might even have malicious intentions, disappearing abruptly could be the best way to protect yourself. Be sure to listen to your intuition on this one. Safety first!

2. Your date asks you to leave them alone

There might be times when your presence is doing more harm than good and disappearing would benefit your potential love interest more than making repeated attempts to make amends. Maybe you had an unfortunate argument or said something that did irreparable damage and your date has requested for you to leave him or her alone. It might be best to respect their wishes and honor their ghosting request. Disappearing in a sudden fashion might be the best option to avoid causing further harm.

3. You are unexpectedly relocating

This might not technically be considered ghosting, but if you are leaving town because of a new job, family obligations, or just a lifestyle shift (and especially if one or both of you are not interested in pursuing a long distance relationship), it might be best to end the courtship sooner rather than later. If there’s time before you leave town, it would be nice to have a face-to-face send off, but at least a “it’s been nice” phone call would be a nice way to end the courtship.

Generally speaking, it’s considered rude to quit dating someone ‘cold turkey’ without so much as a “goodbye, it’s been nice getting to know you,” but these are some examples of where ghosting could be the safest option if trying to get out of a new dating situation that has taken a turn for the worst. Always do your best to act with integrity when meeting and dating new people but also be sure to protest yourself when an interaction becomes distressing or potentially harmful to you or those you are dating.

Hugs and love,
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl’ 🙂

The Dating Advice Girl
The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a dating expert, social life consultant, author, speaker and radio host based in Los Angeles, California. For almost a decade she has been helping singles successfully navigate through the early stages of dating through her book, The Dating Guidebook (www.TheDatingGuidebook.com), over 100 dating-related articles for various lifestyle and dating sites, radio and TV segments and through her weekly radio show, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show on 99.3 KCLA FM in Los Angeles. She has hosted singles events in and around Los Angeles, leads dating and self-help workshops for men and women, has given dating tips to celebs at events and on red carpets and has collaborated with several networks, radio stations, and magazines including Men’s Health Magazine, ABC7 Los Angeles and WGN 720 AM Chicago and featured leading a dating workshop for the single cast members on Lifetime Network’s ‘Big Women: Big Love’ just to name a few. She empowers singles navigating through the dating process by helping them improve their social skills, communication skills, and overall enjoyment of life regardless of marital status while raising their self-esteem. She does this through her radio show, articles, book, workshops, and tv appearances and 1-on-1 coaching with online dating profiles, app profiles, self-esteem building, and social skills training. Erin feels especially passionate about helping college students make safe and empowering choices for themselves while respecting their peers when it comes to dating on campus.

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Online Dating? Who’s Your Match?

online dating whos your match

Have we ever stopped to think, just how unnatural online dating is? I’m sure, many of us have. But I’m not here to disparage online dating, I’m just merely stating that everything looks good on paper, ahem, can look good online, and we could still be light years away from finding our true match.

Dating sites go the extra mile to make it easier for us, with online assessments, match affinity tests, questionnaires, to name a few. I cannot count the times the email message I received from a guy was nothing more than a series of “yes” and “no” replies to the “take my quiz” option on the site.

Long hair on men: YES or NO? Why don’t they like long hair on men? I do. Ok, that sounds like a deal breaker. Just kidding. What the deal breaker was, was the guys’ inability to communicate.

But we shouldn’t be surprised. After all it’s a cold and removed environment.

Thus it’s no wonder men find it so difficult to communicate. Most of them must have tried endless variations, endless times, only to be ignored. It’s much safer to send a quiz. This way rejection doesn’t feel so personal.

Why Rejection is Not Personal

I’ve done my share of online dating, and I was just as confused as the next person when, say, communication dropped after initial contact. I felt rejected. It felt personal. It took me a long time to think about these online chance encounters as a mere “shopping around”. Because, indeed, what do we see and what do we know about that other person apart from a few images and a few words carefully or less carefully scribbled down? Nothing. What drives us to shop around? Our ego, our instincts, our need for a connection. And as human beings, we are fickle and manifest shopping behaviour where possible and where nobody holds us responsible. How many items do we usually take to the changing rooms when shopping? How many times do we return an item to the shop because we have changed our mind?

Of course there is one thing the rejected person can do about the situation. They can make sure they portray the best version of themelves. They can choose the best photos and they should have an engaging profile. Because, just like in every area of our lives, others do it better and we can be left behind, in obscurity. How to achieve that? Dating photography is a new and emerging service, there to help people raise our chances of finding the one. And so is dating profile writing as such. If we have difficulty finding our words.

What Happens When We find a Connection?

Well, we get really really excited. Because, ah, the wait was so long. We can’t find fault with him or her. We feel as if the weight of the world was taken off our shoulders. We can now stop looking.

Maybe that weight most of us feel when looking, pushed some to enter such an extreme experiment, like “Married at First Sight!

But guess what? Apparently all four couples of the original Danish series have already filed for divorce. By the looks of it, science cannot tell us who our match is. Can we?

It turns out, when online dating, even connections seem fickle. Why? Because we might want to be “off the market” so soon, we ignore the red flags. Truth is, many of us enter this battlefield called “online dating” unprepared. We might be still reeling from a break up, we might use it as a distraction from whatever else is going on that we don’t want to think about and for a while we play game with whomever seems fun to be with. For a while. But then reality hits and the bubble bursts, because we were nowhere near being our true selves. Thus, whatever connection we seemed to have, was with the version of ourselves that we made up and “sold” to that other person.

All We Need is Love

And here’s why dating complete strangers seems so impossible. We are supposed to see clearly, when all we want is to allow ourselves to see the world, at least for a while, through rose tinted glasses.

But do not despair, because it’s a numbers game. Think of your college mates. You were in the same age group, with similar interests and similar backgrounds. Just how many of them seemed like a perfect match? Best case scenario, one or two. That’s what online dating is about. It’s about conquering the impossible, the improbable and the least likely. Knowing this, we might not despair so easily.

All we need is love. Even when seeking love, we need a big dollop of love for ourselves. We need to feel “sorted”, in a good place and ready for the journey. Because it’s the most exciting journey of all. Even more exciting than visiting Peru. The best we can do is to never ever ignore our inner voice. That’s our best barometer. It tells us who our match is, or even matches, as there isn’t just one match out there for us. What makes one the best match for us is usually timing. Yes, timing is king. It means that we both are at the same stage of our journey in life. Also, never fail to ask yourself if you can imagine being good friends with your potential match. Friendship is a crucial building block in relationships. If you have enough things in common to be friends and there is that spark as well, you can’t go very wrong. And the rest is history.


My Dating Photos

Laura Gub
Laura Gub is an ex model, hobby photographer, blogger, with experience in business management, legal administration and consultancy. She had worked as a fashion, photographic, editorial and life model for over seven years. She had developed a keen sense of style and a strong eye, for the “right” picture. Her years spent as a model have proven invaluable in determining the best ways of introducing oneself effectively, whether online or offline. Her deep interest and passion for nowadays’ social dynamics led her to initiate the founding of MyDatingPhotos.com and BrandYouMax.com, dedicated to help bring out the best in you, for a better, richer and more exciting dating life.

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