The Cycle of Loneliness

Cycle of lonelisness

So, there you are. On a Saturday night. Watching another movie. Alone. This is your routine. This is what your Saturdays have looked like for a long time. You think to yourself, “What is wrong with me?” “What is wrong with the men in this city?” “Why is the one for me taking so long?” You are disempowered because although you are beautiful, intelligent, and confident, you feel like you will never get the chance to experience love.You begin to truly feel like God has forgotten about you.

Then….

*Ding* You get a text message from your ex- boyfriend. This random text message is not unlike the million other random text messages you have received from him within the past couple months. The only thing that is different on this night is that you are no longer believing in the fact that you will one day find love.

You think to yourself, “Well, it’s Saturday. I’m alone. My friends are out. It’s been way too long. So, I might as well answer back.

So you do.

He asks you how you are doing and begins to encourage you. You begin to think to yourself, “Has he always been this sweet and caring”. You then begin to question why you even broke up with him in the first place. So you text him back again and he responds by asking you to lunch the next day. You decide to go because hey, he reached out, he was nice, you may be a little vulnerable, and you hate to admit it but, you miss him.

He begins to call more often, you go out on more dates, and things are going surprisingly well. He is so caring and you begin to think that finally God has made a way for you. You begin to understand that timing is everything and maybe, just maybe, this is the guy you were always supposed to be with in the end.

Now, three months have passed by but,

Things aren’t the same. He no longer seems to be the same caring, encouraging guy that you once missed three months ago. He doesn’t allow you to hang out with your friends, and you haven’t seen your family in a while. He tries to convince you that he just wants you all to himself. He continually puts you down, and he tells you how hopeless you are. You begin to realize why it was that you broke up with him in the past. You have found yourself caught within a cycle you would have never imagined yourself back in. Three months ago you were lonely, at home watching tv, wishing you had someone there and the consequence of one text message has thrown you back into the cycle of loneliness.

This happens to us sometimes, ladies. One day we are on top of the world screaming that we are the prize and the next moment we find ourselves dating a random guy just because we want to feel connected again. We want to feel loved and feel that we are worth it.

If you have ever felt like this, ever been in a cycle where you felt used and emotionally abused by your partner just remember that YOU ARE THE PRIZE. You are so worthy of genuine love. I know sometimes it feels frustrating after going from relationship to relationship but, If I could leave you with anything today it would be that God is writing your love story. He is the best matchmaker there is. When we begin to doubt ourselves as beautiful and purposeful women we allow men to penetrate our confidence and esteem.

Even if you have spent the last 10 Saturdays alone, you are worth it.

Even if you find you have achieved professionally but, not personally, you are still worth it.

Even if you have made mistakes in the past, you are still worth it.

No matter what he says, no matter what he does, and no matter how hard he tries to make it seem that he loves you, remember you are worth so much more.Take back your power and don’t let loneliness make you accept feelings that you simply don’t want. Choose you. Choose confidence. Choose God’s love story. Make the choice to break your cycle of loneliness, today!

You are The Prize my beautiful sister. I am the Prize. We. Are. The. Prize.

#DYC
Shanay Russell
Shanay Russell is a Marriage and Family Therapist living in Pasadena, Maryland. She previously attained her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Rutgers University and her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Syracuse University in 2012 and 2014, respectively. Shanay completed a yearlong internship at St. Joseph’s Behavioral Health Center, providing therapy to a wide range of clients using empirically supported therapies.

Please visit my website here

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