Most people assume that a healthy sex life is just a given. This is a huge misunderstanding and relationships and sex lives both take work from those involved, it’s just that every movie, magazine article and tv episode indicates it should be easy, so we are left with a sex myth or gap between reality and what we think we SHOULD be doing.
Here are five tips that you will find useful for getting the sex that you want.
1. Define what healthy is for YOU.
Don’t take any notice of what the magazine you are reading says is a ‘normal’ amount of sex to have. Normal is whatever you make of it. In the way that we are all individual so are our sexual desires. Problems arise in couples when there is a difference in level or requirements of desire, but often when you talk about it openly you can agree to try something that works well for both of you.
2. Sensuality is key to sexuality.
The sensation of skin on skin touch produces a hormone called oxytocin which is essential for human bonding and plays a huge role in mother-baby relationship building. This isn’t different in adult relationships and touch should not be underestimated. The skin makes the entire body one big erogenous zone and exploring it can be really sexy. Why not try setting a clock and exploring the body with touch, whilst banning the areas usually touched in sex such as the genitals or nipples until the timer goes off.
3. Make time for sex
With the incredibly busy lives that people lead where we never escape technology it can be difficult to make time for sex. Why not agree to an evening where you go to bed an hour early and turn off all technology so that you are not disturbed and see where it takes you. Sex doesn’t have to happen but it is important to make time to reconnect with each other and your bodies.
4. Take a risk
Lots of people say that they are bored with their sex lives and it becomes repetitive as they never try anything new. Take a risk. Trying something new has to be suggested by one of you whether it is a position, item of clothing, location or new toy it takes courage and risk to offer up the opportunity. Make an agreement to try something new each month and alternate who suggests it.
5. Laugh when it goes wrong.
Sex can be messy and the best way to deal with something going wrong like falling off the bed, getting cramp or an unexpected noise is to laugh it off. Sex is meant to be fun and sometimes we can forget that, being able to relax and laugh about it may even bring you closer.
Kate Moyle is a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist based in London. She works with both couples and individuals to get them to a place where they are happy and comfortable in their sex lives and relationships so that they can be their authentic sexual selves.