It doesn’t matter if you are single and dating or long-term married – if your man or the men in your life are not stepping up for you then you have got a problem. And believe me this is your problem – not theirs!
Generalising about men just being ‘rubbish’, buying into the theory that you always choose ‘bad guys’ or that women just have to ‘put up and get on with it’ is simply not true.
Men LOVE stepping up for their women.
Most men are dying to be given the chance to do stuff for you, it’s how they get to feel good, they want to feel needed by women, this is how they get to be Men..
If your man is not doing what you want and need him to do – around the home, in bed or just in general then you are the one who is stopping him and I’m going to show you how to stop doing this right now so you can help him to step up and keep up. For good. It really is this simple.
Why Your Man isn’t Stepping up and 5 ways to Help Him
The first and perhaps most powerful thing that you need to do is to Stop. Stop DOING everything. Just stop. Stop planning, nagging, telling, moaning, hinting, asking, making and then doing it yourself with resentment and frustration because he hasn’t done it and you have. Just stop and let go. Stop, stand still and breathe deeply. Get in touch with how you feel inside and what you want and then let it go. Imagine the thing that you want him to do and in your mind hand it to him.
Trust him. However hard it is, however much he has let you down in the past or men in general have let you down, make a decision to trust men and specifically the man in your life.
Get out of his way by learning to wait. Men usually have a longer time line than women in relationship terms so be patient but also talk about what you don’t like and don’t want. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. Don’t move more quickly than you can handle, don’t blame him for your actions.
4. OPEN UP
Don’t ask him to do stuff, this will come across as nagging and pressure. The more commitment based the thing you want is the more asking for it directly will push him away so flip it around and tell him what you don’t want. Take risks by being brutally honest.
“I don’t want this kind of relationship”
“I don’t want to be in charge, it makes me feel bad”
“I don’t want to go there, do that, have to always be the one to make plans, etc” Then let him step in and step up, let him fix things. Tell him what you want if he asks but let him lead.
Receiving means staying in feminine energy, this means being soft on the outside and strong on the inside, having good boundaries, being consistent, always in your feelings not your thoughts, be receptive not active, let him take charge, wait, lean back and let him come to you, be yourself, be vulnerable, melt in his arms and enjoy your man stepping up. He will love you for it forever.
Kate Mansfield is a Relationship Coach, helping men and women to become able to let a loving, committed relationship into their lives. She has a 100% success rate helping clients to find their soul mate. She runs workshops, group programs and 1-2-1 coaching via Skype, email and phone as well as in person. She uses creative practices such as storytelling and painting, to help her clients to re-create the stories that are not serving them in their love lives.She also works as a mentor and confidence coach with teenagers and young people.