“Just do it”. I once heard they were the three most important words in the English language. Sure this is an article about dating, but it’s really about something that can help you take advantage of any opportunity you may find in life.
A few examples can be approaching someone for the first time, going out of your way at a networking event, taking the lead in an unfamiliar situation. It’s hard to step out our comfort zone because it’s so uncomfortable. But if you don’t step out you choose to stand in front of a brick wall without ropes to climb it.
Approaching someone for the first time in the dating world can be daunting. If you get nervous and overtaken by anxiety, that’s okay. By no means are you alone. But you have to go for it! You have to live like you only get one chance.
So here are some ways to help ease the tension of an approach or doing something socially that would otherwise be very difficult. Make sure you take the risk and use these suggestions. If you never take the risk, it’s a guarantee that you won’t get what you want.
1. Use Humor
Laughing eases tension, relieves stress and everybody loves it! Try not to take life too seriously. And don’t take approaching someone or expressing your feelings to someone too seriously. You are one of millions who is engaging in this process. It’s not a life or death matter. Start with a joke. Then focus on keeping the laughter going. Once you gain momentum, you’ll find that the rest of the work does itself for you.
2. Never Assume There Will Be A Second Chance
It’s very easy to put it off. To say to yourself, “I’ll take some time and think of a strategy and come back with it another time”. Although this may be possible in some scenarios, what if she’s not there when you come back? What if that second chance you assumed you’d had disappeared?
You must learn to act on the spot! This is a very difficult habit to develop, but the more you keep at it, the easier it gets. It is something that actually can become second hand. When we practice this, we train our brains to feel more comfortable with it.
3. Let Go Of The Fear Of Being Judged
This is one of life’s biggest fears and probably the one that holds us back the most. When we concern ourselves with how other people judge us, we make behavioral decisions based on someone’s judgement. When you find you are more influence by others than by your self, it’s time to stop and think about things.
If you do not let go of caring what other people think, your life will conform to others’ standards. You will loose “yourself”. When we act on others’ judgements, our lives become much more difficult and it will be much more difficult to achieve your dating and life goals.
4. Engage In The Process
Don’t think about the outcome. In fact, don’t think as far as 5 minutes into the future. You need to be present. When you are present, all of your attention is in the moment. When you are in the moment, thoughts of the future or outcome cannot have any effect on you. When you settle into the calm space of the present you’ll find your encounter to be much more enjoyable and authentic.
And in the end, your memories are made from what you did choose to do. The actions you took will be with you for a lifetime. Just think of how much better it will be one day to think back and remember the folly of a rejection than it will to remember yourself not taking the chance at all.
CJ Westyn is a relationship expert and strategist residing in Princeton, New Jersey and Denver, CO. He is a Date Camp™ Coach and former co-host of dating and relationship talk radio show, Intuidate Radio®.
CJ holds an M.A. in Rehabilitation Counseling and has spent over 10 years working with couples and individuals on a broad variety of relationship issues.
CJ’s mission is to use his writing and untamed sense of humor to add value to the dating advice world by delivering helpful digital content. He strives to move people forward as he guides them through overcoming the uncomfortable yet inherent challenges we are dealt by the human condition (You know, when “life gets in the way”).
CJ’s aim is to also raise awareness surrounding cultural mores and standards that are congruent with human biology yet have earned negative value judgment due to sociocultural human constructs such as religion, ethics and tradition.
In addition to dating advice, CJ spends significant time writing comedy and performing elaborate practical jokes. In his spare time, he watches plenty of Andy Kaufman videos (for inspiration) and audits classes at Princeton University.