Most of us have experienced the heart-wrenching dilemma of being in a relationship with a man that we’re so sure is the one (and may have already had wedding fantasies about) only to be continually put off to the side by him. In some cases he might even be straight forward about not being sure you’re his one, not ready for commitment, or just wanting to keep things “cool.”
I’m not going to sugar coat it here – this sucks. Here is a guy you’ve invested your body, mind, heart, and soul into and he’s got one foot out the door. Yeah, you love him but it’s also very painful and you can no longer deny it. This isn’t what you want anymore.
But now that you’re clear on that, what should you do?
There are really only two options:
1) Stay with him and wait it out on the possibility that he will come around and decide that he wants to commit to you in the way you want him to.
Before we move on to option number two, let’s check in: how does this option feel to you?
It may feel safe. After all, there’s a certain predictability with keeping the status quo that does feel comfortable. I mean, you do love the guy. The downside is it’s also extremely powerless and places you in the role of the victim. Not to mention that it’s still very painful for you.
“Why doesn’t he feel the same way about me?”
“When is he going to commit to me?”
“Why doesn’t he tell me he loves me?”
Here’s the deal – you cannot have any power over what another person does; you can only control what you do. Choosing an option that continually puts you in the role of the victim, waiting for someone else to change, only perpetuates that cycle of discomfort and pain and, more importantly, blocks real love from coming to you.
Or you can:
2) Let him go – and let yourself go – and be available and open to the man that really loves you and is ready to commit you.
How does this feel? Yes, it may feel scary and uncertain in many ways.
“What if I can’t find my soul mate?”
“What if no one will love me?”
“What if I find someone and it doesn’t work out?”
But what if you DO find your soulmate? What if there IS someone that’s ready to love you like you want to be loved? What if you find someone and you DO work it out?
Option number one is a dead end unless he changes his mind. Option number two is full of possibility. And more importantly is free of the pain and discomfort you feel by having your body, mind, heart and soul deeply connected to someone that isn’t connecting back in the same way.
By freeing yourself of this attachment you are saying YES to something even better. You’re sending a powerful message to the Universe that you are worth more. You are worth being loved in the way your heart desires. You are ready to love yourself deeply. And you are ready to wake up every morning and feel happy with the life you’re living and the partnership you’re in.
So if you find yourself in this situation where you’re sure about him but he isn’t sure you, then stop and ask yourself:
Am I finally ready to receive the love that I truly want?
The answer to that will either block or bring in the love you are ready for. The choice is always yours.