There are a few things that we celebrate people for stopping ‘cold turkey.’ Smoking. Drinking. Dating?
In most dating scenarios, deciding to disappear rather than engaging in a conversation about the end of the courtship would be bad form. While it’s generally considered rude to suddenly vanish from a new romantic partner’s life, there are are few instances where ghosting might be a better solution for ending a potential relationship that has gone wrong.
But what is ghosting? Ghosting is the act of disappearing after beginning a courtship or starting to date someone. Something happens that makes you change your mind about a potential love-interest so you decide to stop texting, calling, and going on dates with that person making it seem like you’ve vanished right before someone’s eyes…like a ghost.
Now that we are clear on what ghosting actually is, here are 3 scenarios where ghosting is acceptable and possibly even your best option after you’ve decided to stop dating someone….
1. You feel threatened or unsafe
It’s possible to misread a new love-interest with a lot of potential especially if you’ve met online or via app. If you go on a date with someone new and your date has misrepresented himself or herself, he or she makes threatening remarks, or does something to make you feel unsafe for any reason, ghosting could be your best option. When dealing with someone who might not be operating at a high level of integrity or might even have malicious intentions, disappearing abruptly could be the best way to protect yourself. Be sure to listen to your intuition on this one. Safety first!
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2. Your date asks you to leave them alone
There might be times when your presence is doing more harm than good and disappearing would benefit your potential love interest more than making repeated attempts to make amends. Maybe you had an unfortunate argument or said something that did irreparable damage and your date has requested for you to leave him or her alone. It might be best to respect their wishes and honor their ghosting request. Disappearing in a sudden fashion might be the best option to avoid causing further harm.
3. You are unexpectedly relocating
This might not technically be considered ghosting, but if you are leaving town because of a new job, family obligations, or just a lifestyle shift (and especially if one or both of you are not interested in pursuing a long distance relationship), it might be best to end the courtship sooner rather than later. If there’s time before you leave town, it would be nice to have a face-to-face send off, but at least a “it’s been nice” phone call would be a nice way to end the courtship.
Generally speaking, it’s considered rude to quit dating someone ‘cold turkey’ without so much as a “goodbye, it’s been nice getting to know you,” but these are some examples of where ghosting could be the safest option if trying to get out of a new dating situation that has taken a turn for the worst. Always do your best to act with integrity when meeting and dating new people but also be sure to protest yourself when an interaction becomes distressing or potentially harmful to you or those you are dating.
Hugs and love,
Erin ‘The Dating Advice Girl’ 🙂