In our modern world of swiping right into love, people are frustrated.
Some swipe right all day and never get a date. Others swipe right into the date whose profile pictures were obviously from ten years ago.
It sucks…for everyone.
It’s easy to find a date. But the problem with apps, like Tinder and Bumble, is that the apps are built to our human fallacies.
Having 186 matches on Tinder and no girlfriend is far worse than having no matches and one girlfriend. Yet, we still love playing the limitless option game.
Instead of finding someone we can get serious with, we drown in the sea of choices and rising tide of unrealistically high expectations. We are hoping that the next right swipe is the “9” we’ve been waiting our whole life for.
Here’s the problem.
Seeing someone’s name, picture, and bio gives you practically no way to measure your “match” potential.
So you message them and plan a date to see if this person matches the type of person you want to date.
As a result, you waste a lot of your precious time on shitty dates.
What you need to do is sit down and figure out exactly what you want.
Dating is a lot like running a marketing firm. You attract “clients” by marketing directly to them and offering “services” that add value to their life.
Right now, your marketing firm is sending the following message:
This causes no interest from the people you are trying to attract.
That’s the fast track to becoming a sixty-five-year-old single loser living alone in a tree, surrounded by the monkeys of resentment, shame, and regret.
The best method is to understand what type of person you are trying to attract and figure out how to present yourself (authentically) so this person will be attracted to you.
5 Steps to Attracting the Type of Person You Want to Attract
Step 1: Make a list that describes the ideal person you want to attract.
Question: Do you want someone who is intelligent or stupid?
Each person’s definition of intelligence is different.
- Humor is seen as intelligent.
- A PhD is only seen as intelligent to some people.
Getting crystal clear on what you are seeking will prime your mind to find that person.
Here’s how it works.
Look up from your screen and look at the world around you. I want you to notice everything that is red.
Now, close your eyes and recall everything that was blue.
Nearly impossible, huh?
Scientists now know the brain receives 400 billion bits of information each second, but our minds only process a measly 2,000 bits. That means you only recognize one-millionth of a percent of what’s out there.
What filters your mind is what you focus on. By focusing on the qualities you seek, your mind will help you recognize the type of people you want to attract.
No, this isn’t some pseudo science bullshit. Psychologists call this priming.
If you want to create an amazing list to find your partner, then click here now.
Step 2: Reorder the list into two categories: Must-Haves and Nice-to-Haves
Must-Haves are the deal breakers. They are the qualities a partner would absolutely have to have or else, you will not date them.
- Is smoking a deal breaker to you?
- Is cuddling a must for you?
Nice-to-Haves are all the qualities you’d like in an ideal mate, but could compromise if you were happy otherwise.
- Receiving love notes
- Loves to salsa dance, or has a desire to learn
Ideally, your list has a lot more nice-to-haves than deal-breakers. The more rigid you are in your must-haves, the more people you will need to meet. The longer it might take you to find your ideal match.
If your ideal match is a needle-in-a-haystack type of person, you need to go where the haystacks are and take your damn metal detector. (In case you were wondering, your list is the metal detector.)
Step 3: You Attract What You Are
Now go back through your list and circle each item that matches the traits you have to offer the person you want to attract right now.
If you’re not delusional, almost everything on your list should be circled. That means you have excellent – not too low or too high, but just right – standards.
Typically, people are happiest with someone similar to themselves – that includes looks, intelligence, education, and hobbies. Scientist call this assortative mating. The truth is you attract what you are.
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Step 4: Review and Revise Your List Regularly
One of the most valuable things you can do to improve any aspect of your life is to schedule time in your calendar. The only reason you go to the dentist is because they scheduled you to show up on a certain day to do a certain thing.
Do the same thing with your list. Write it down here. Right now.
I will review and revise my list every _____ (Sunday) at _______ (8pm).
Step 5: Create a Post-Date Scoring System
The goal of dating is to create mutual win-win relationships. The date is the test for both the other person and you to display your traits. This test will help you logically and emotionally answer the most important dating question of all – should I see this person again?
Check out an exclusive test I created here just for you.
Typically, people will meet, have sex, get emotionally involved, and then figure out whether the person they are dating is their ideal match, let alone if they want the same things they want.
This is ass backwards. Figuring out what type of person you want to attract by understanding who they are, what they want, and what they’re attracted to will lead you to creating lasting and passionate win-win relationships.
And that’s really what you need.