To most women using online dating, you are about as interesting as the last 20 guys who messaged her. Firstly, do NOT take it personally. You are interesting, intelligent and one hell of a guy, but she may not know that because your profile does not stand out from the crowd.
Common Online Dating Mistakes
1. Self-absorbed essay
“Oh look at how awesome I am.” Profiles should read like an ad for the person you want to attract, not so much front-loaded with your activities and what you do for work. That shit is a snore fest. Grab her attention by speaking to her, not providing a laundry list of your accomplishments. Trying to seem “interesting” is a thinly veiled attempt to look like a guy who has his life together. Being attractive is all encompassing of possessing masculine qualities, being genuine and actually having your shit together. When I write a profile for a client in this fashion, they see a better quality of suitors, so I know this works.
2. Using the wrong photos
Let’s talk about the big no-no’s. Booze, cigarettes, hooters waitresses, puppies, babies, your children, group photos, shirtless, any selfies in the bathroom or car and wild game. I could swipe through Tinder right now and find these overdone photos in every age group. Which brings me to the men in the over 30 crowd. Stop, I repeat stop trying to young it up and fit in with “what the kids are doing these days”. It’s pathetic. You’re welcome. Now seriously go fix your profile photos. Also, those of you with children; take those photos down immediately. Two words: Child predators. Don’t invite trouble.
3. No call to action to entice serious daters
“Hi, I like to work hard and play hard and my kids come first.” No shit, we all do. This goes back to writing your profile to appeal to the woman versus telling people you’re a good dad. I certainly hope you are, but I have no intention of meeting your children for a very long time, so leave them out of it for now. This is about explaining to the reader a feeling. Evoke that emotion in yourself as you write. Who is she? What are the qualities that make her a long-term partner? What is it about the presence of a woman and her feminine nature that makes you excited about getting to know her?
[Tweet “Skip the things that are basic and overused #OnlineDating”]
4. Under sharing about yourself
Your essay also needs to talk about you a bit. It needs to be in a passionate and unique way. The same list of who’s, what’s and whys for the woman you are seeking apply to you. Who the hell are you? And no, you are not a dad of two, whose kids come first. You’re not just the guy who likes to work out and stay healthy. Be a love interest, gentlemen. Activate the part of your brain that won’t get you friend zoned and your messages deleted.
5. Poor messaging
Stop leading with compliments on appearance. If she has nothing or very little written and looks are all you have to go on, well, that should be your first indication that she is not putting in a lot of effort. Personally, I would pass by the male equivalent of that profile regardless of what they looked like. Go back to what you want in a woman and talk about how she fits that bill of goods and ask a question or speak to something in her profile.
Skip the things that are basic and overused. “How is your day”? She might be having a bad day. “Hi.” I would delete that message. It’s better to choose a detail from their headline, essay or interests to start a conversation. For instance, I came across a profile where the guy listed “anything cool” as an interest. My message was, “Anything cool, huh? Well, I’m cool :)” And my headline is a reference to the Hot-Crazy matrix video. I get tons of messages about that.
The overall goal is to shine the best possible light on who you are. In online dating, we are product with thousands of window shoppers swiping and scrolling amongst the display. Yes it starts with photos, but we (as grown ass adults) need to be more than window dressing.
It all really starts with you creating a more interesting and unique profile — that will get women wanting to learn more about you. If you’re not exactly thrilled with your ability to do that or the thought makes you cringe, go here (http://www.detroitdatecoach.com/dating-profile-help/). I will write it for you and help with photo selection, and even manage it for you to get optimal results. Feel free to grab a copy of my free eBook, Authentic Dating while you’re there. It’s filled with dating tips and even alternatives to online dating.