Anyone who’s ever done online dating knows that it’s a minefield. It involves a great amount of guess work. What’s tough about it is that you’re constantly faced with a “maybe”, a “ why” or a “what if” at every turn. Why doesn’t he/she write back? Why doesn’t he/she call? Why did he/she postpone? What if I said something I shouldn’t have? I wonder if/he she likes me.
What do I mean by online dating boot camp rules? The rules you date by with dignity in order to avoid compromising too much, guessing too much, and ultimately in order to avoid unnecessary heartache frustration and disappointment. Sounds good? Let’s look at some of these rules.
5 Online Dating Boot Camp Rules
1. Saying Hello and Not Only
You’ve contacted and/or replied to a prospective match and the conversation started. Your aim is to get a feel for the person. You might pick up a rhythm of 2-3 messages/emails per day. If there are only 2-3/week, you might just be a pastime for them, if there are 2-3/hour, they might have an obsessive personality. Establish your rhythm and if at all possible, leave sexting for after you meet, unless that’s all you’re after.
2. And the Conversation Flows, or Not Really
Those first days of communication are a great way of sussing out one of the most important traits we should all aim for in ourselves and others, integrity. Do they keep to schedule? Do they call or text when they said they would? Do they stick to whatever arrangements have been agreed upon or they keep changing them? Do they have time for you? Not all the the time in the world, but some time, real dedicated time. Establish what’s acceptable and what’s not in that respect. Your time is valuable as well. You’re valuable.
3. The Real Prospect of Meeting
Some of us have an invitation for coffee in our profile. A refreshing pro active approach as opposite to one that starts with a “how are you?” and can drag out forever. That’s because, unless you’re looking for a pen pal, or all you want to do is get some attention online, meeting up with a date who seems to have potential should be done sooner rather than later. No amount of online or telephone conversation can match meeting for real. Do your ground work, but aim to have that coffee, tea, or choice of beverage, walk in the park or bowling match as soon as you can. How soon is too soon or when is the wait too long? Establish a time frame that’s good for you and only compromise in case of valid reasons.
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4. Your First Date is Truth Time
The bubble bursts or it doesn’t burst at all if you’re lucky. Do they look like they do in their pictures? Are they dressed well and looking tidy? What about their vibe? What about their manners? We’re not just visual persons, we also like to smell, touch and taste each other and it has to feel right. If your date appears scruffy, maybe even a touch smelling of alcohol, dare to ask the question. Were they in a hurry? Maybe they were nervous to meet you? Find out their version of events, don’t judge immediately. Same goes if they want to “hijack” the date and coffee turns into dinner, drinks, clubbing, going on the London Eye, driving you home, popping in for a night cap, you name it. Go along only with what you’re comfortable with and dare say it. Of course first dates are not for sharing too much, but are for sharing the essentials, of getting the essence of that person and offering the essence of you. Be yourself and stay true to yourself. Establish and achieve all that you can with good and open communication. What have you got to lose? And don’t forget to have fun.
5. Staying Active On The Site After a Couple of Dates – Open Discussion
The big dilemma we all struggle with is, should we communicate with several people, set up dates with a handful, or go one by one in our weeding process. What about once we started dating someone? Shall we go back to the site to have a peek? We know we can’t get away with it, we will be seen unless we have one of those incognito accounts. Of course, love at first sight is a rare bird. Of course we don’t want to be played or come across as players. In spite of this, due to the abundance of choice, it’s a hard thing to resist. Even if it is to just browse people, or to check correspondence, we go back, we question or reaffirm our current choice.
Dating sites are social sites after all. Sometimes friendships form, sometimes ideas, tips and stories are exchanged. In early dating, in the getting to know each other stage, what matters is what happens between the two of you and at what temperature. You’ll be able to tell after a few dates if you want more. Neglecting the dating site should happen gradually and wilfully. Open discussion about you and them being active on the site, if the case. Establish what is acceptable for you and what’s not. Your time and energy is valuable. You’re valuable. Make sure you communicate that.
For related articles or for help with your online dating profiles, contact Laura now.