I have been in two serious relationships, with two very different people. My first boyfriend, lets call him Sam, would talk to me about anything, but would always think his opinions were the right ones. My second serious boyfriend, we will call him Max, was open to talking about anything as well, but would always get defensive about his opinions. Due to their attitudes, I would try and avoid difficult conversations at all costs. Even though having certain conversations with them were excruciating, I knew deep down that if we didn’t talk about everything, we would never have known if a long term relationship would work. We had to talk about difficult topics, big or small, in order to move our relationships and lives forward. This made me realize that there are topics that no couple should avoid in relationships. I have listed 5 topics below that should never be avoided in a serious relationship, no matter how awkward, if you are considering a future life together.
5 Topics you need to talk about if you are in a Serious Relationship.
- Money: If you are going to have a future with someone there is going to be a time when you have to talk about finances. If you don’t talk about money you will never be able to predict what your future will look like. Will you be able to retire comfortably? Can you afford that second home on the beach down South? Can you afford to send your children to college? These financial questions can put strain on any relationship, but it is necessary to know the answer to them if you want to build a life together.
- Religion: This one can definitely be awkward to talk about. Religion is a very personal topic. But, it is vital to discuss this with your partner, especially if you want children. If you do want children, you need to agree on how will you raise them regarding religion. This decision can and will affect many parts of the future, which is why it is one of the most important things to discuss.
- Exes: Yes, this can be really awkward, but sometimes it can teach you a lot. When I was in my relationship with Max, I brought up my experiences with Sam. I wanted Max to know what I had been through since that definitely shapes behaviors in a new relationship. It turned out to be a great conversation and made us closer. He knew what I went through, why I was nervous to trust someone, and what I would never again put up with. I suggest this topic because of how much it can teach both of you.
- Your Worries and Fears: Some people worry that talking about this with a partner can be annoying or come off unattractive. But that is simply not true. It is so important to have deep, raw, connecting, and powerful conversations with your boyfriend or girlfriend. These conversations allow your partner to see what you are feeling at your most vulnerable points, and they can be there for you when you need it. This way you can lean on each other for support and advice, and grow closer with every new experience.
- The Future: When you are headed towards a serious and long term relationship, you need to be able to talk about that future. If you just talk about what is happening now and not the life you want to have together in five years, how can you plan for that together? If you can’t talk about the future now, how do you expect to live it soon?
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After both my experiences, I don’t think avoiding any topic is smart. If you are entering a serious relationship with someone, you need to be able to talk about everything, and work through any issues this topics may cause. I hope you found this helpful and let me know your thoughts! Connect with me on Twitter @trustmeitsnot or on my blog! Until next time!