There is a saying – “Into every life a little rain must fall” Sometimes that “little rain” comes in the form of a partner who is suffering from depression and has lost interest in sexual intimacy.
Your spark is still burning hot but theirs has gone cold. If depression has come between you and your partner in the bedroom it can have a frustrating and devastating effect on your relationship.
Here are 5 things you can do to help.
1. Seek help from a professional mental health expert
Depression isn’t simply a mood to slip in and out of. It has its roots in physiological and mental causes. It’s not only painful and confusing for you, but it’s much more so for your partner.
Seek help from a doctor or trained counselor. With proper medical and psychological help you both can find some clarity to work through the roadblocks and frustrations together and get back to enjoying your sexual relationship again.
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2. Be patient and supportive
Your patience will help your partner to remain sexually open. Your anger and resent will completely shut your partner’s desires.
Granted it’s difficult, especially when your attempts at intimacy and affection aren’t acknowledged or are rejected and you’re coping with your own mounting sexual frustration.
But you must realize the reason is not you.
Your partner has just slumped into a place from which they can’t respond to you the way they used to.
People assume that often the person suffering from depression can project their pain onto their partner, but there isn’t usually any truth to it. They’re just not capable of understanding the cause of their pain.
So, take a deep breath and try not to react in a negative or destructive manner.
3. Keep active together
Take a walk together. There is something stimulating about fresh air and being out in the hustle and bustle that brings you back into your body.
Maybe share some light conversation at a local coffee shop. Try to do this daily.
You may find your partner a little more alive and a little more in the mood after you get home.
4. Keep intimacy alive
Even if full-on sexual experiences aren’t appealing to your partner, maintain your sexual health by at least cuddling. Touch is very therapeutic and can be sexual in itself. It also helps keep your bond vibrant. Feed each other little bits of fruit. Maybe even try light massage.
There are so many other things you can do for each other besides actual penetration to keep that spark kindled. It may even entice your partner into bed for the real deal. And sex is a perfect way to release those endorphins. If not, and if you need release, you can always give yourself a little pleasure later.
Good communication is always key in strong relationships. Communicate with your partner about your sexual fantasies, but do it in a positive and non-aggressive way.
This is not the time for the blame game, even if you’re frustrated.
Being positive and loving may help your partner open up instead of withdraw affection.
With proper treatment, depression doesn’t have to last forever. There’s no doubt it can test the best of relationships, especially when it comes to sex, but by using the right approach you can navigate those dark waters until brighter days return.
Chances are, the two of you may come out stronger, even in the bedroom.