Is your marriage over, but your partner doesn’t know it yet? If you are reading this article then you’re already thinking of potential new relationships. Are you scared of leaving the known for the unknown? Is the saying “better the devil you know” running around your head?
Leaving a relationship is difficult. Leaving a marriage can be hell. Have you met someone else and feel guilty leaving your supposed life partner, who hasn’t done anything wrong? Have you become two separate people in the marriage who live their own lives, but actually, the change will be terrifying, as you have a comfortable routine? Are you suffering at the hands of an abusive partner, who isn’t good for your emotional or physical well-being? Whatever the reason, you are at a crossroads and deciding what to do can be difficult. Use the following six questions to clear your mind and help the decision making process.
6 Questions to Determine if your Marriage is Over
1 Do you still have feelings for your partner?
Does your partner drive you mad with his or her habits and routines, irritate you with their foibles, but still…..there is something there. You still find you laugh together and have moments of fun, and times when you are happy just being together.
Alternatively, did you instinctively answer this question with a resounding “no!”
2 Do you really want to end your marriage, or just need some attention and this is your partner’s wake-up call?
Are you thinking about threatening to leave your partner as a way of changing things at home? For example, would things be ok, if you had sex more often or had a change of routine?
Alternatively, do you want to start afresh with somebody new? Would you live your life differently if you were on your own? What different choices would you make, that you can’t make now? What do you think a new person could add to your life?
3 How did you arrive at the point of thinking about dating, whilst married?
Was it accidental, and you came across a website, tweet, or other form of communication which has led you to think about dating someone else, as you found it titillating and exciting and something you wanted to try. In reality, it may be one of a number of things you want to try like owning a Ferrari, but that doesn’t mean you’ll change your life to get it.
Alternatively, did you make a concerted effort to join a dating agency of some sort, arrange a drink or to meet someone outside of your social circle? If you are thinking of dating someone within your known circle of friends or acquaintances, are you meeting them in secret or making excuses for meeting them and pretending it’s for an innocent reason.
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4 Can you explain clearly why you want out of your marriage?
What aren’t you getting that you need or want? Can you talk to your partner about this, or seek help from an external source— whether it is a marriage guidance counselor, spicing up your sex life or organising date nights, which you both can look forward too?
Alternatively, is this a decision that has been made over a period of time, as various issues have already been discussed with your partner? Do you have a clear rationale for reaching your decision and can analyse the circumstances unemotionally?
5 Are you prepared for the reality of what comes next and what you no longer have?
Do you dream about what the future could look like and whom you could spend it with? Are you thinking of the drama and excitement of meeting someone new, the spark of passion between you and imagining the great sex? Don’t we all! The reality of marriage can be more humdrum, but you also should know each other well enough to moan about what’s NOT happening and suggest improvements. Make dating part of BOTH your fantasies.
Alternatively, have you planned what comes next and thought about living arrangements and financial splits. Who will the children live with, who will have custody of the pets? What will you tell family and friends? Are you prepared for the emotional onslaught you’ll both encounter? You are reading this article, so already thinking about dating or have started the process. What steps have you put into place to help you leave one relationship and start another?
6 Can you take control of your life and move on to a happier place?
At the end of the day, only you know how you are feeling and what you are going to do next. You can take control of your life whether you decide to work at your marriage or start afresh with someone new, but may not find it an easy decision to make.