To be fair, it is a difficult question…
I’ve been single for a while now, and although I’d like to meet Prince Charming sooner rather than later, it isn’t something I feel pressure about, not really.
This mind set means that I can be pretty relaxed when I’m out, I’m happy to talk to lots of people, I’m not reluctant to give out my number or to go on first dates, and that has led me to wonder more and more about the difficult question.
I have a very black & white mind, very little ambiguity can be found in my head, it either is or it is not; so when I deal with people who play in the grey area, I can find myself frustrated and a little un sympathetic.
So, we’re at the scene in a bar/restaurant when two people look across the room at one another, then play the moving around the room in a way that is far from obvious (!) before sidling up to one another at the bar. The regulatory introductions take place, lots of smiling, lots of eye movement and just a hint of body mirroring behaviour. It’s going well, they both know it, so from my point of view, it’s just a double checker question, but I always ask and anticipate the response to be affirmative. However, at the age that I am (36) I have to admit that no matter how many times this is answered, I believe it, and when the contrary proves to be the case, I never fail to be absolutely astounded, because I don’t understand how it can possibly be difficult. The question is, if you haven’t guessed, ‘You’re single, right?’
Cue the eye roll, chortle and the obligatory ‘of course I am, why would I be here with you if I wasn’t?’….why indeed, wouldn’t we all like to know!
The problem with not being honest about this is not that people in relationships have no chance of accessing some extracurricular attention from the opposite sex, because I’m confident that there are people out there who are happy to get into such relationships, and good luck to them, I’m not here to judge; but for people who are single and looking for love, it’s just simply not fair.
Those of you who lie about your status should think about how you’re hurting those you’re getting close to, not just in that particular affair, but for all of those to come and the insecurities you breed within the singlers. Not only that, but we all know how these things work, often relationships are petering off and destined to fail, and if while that process is occurring, you meet Prince/Princess Charming and you don’t want to turn an opportunity down, just be honest! Once you’ve told a lie, the foundations can never be right.
[Tweet “When you lie about your status think about how you’re hurting those you’re getting close to #dating”]I think the best thing to do here is simplify things. Let’s all keep to two responses to ‘You’re single, right?’ Let’s have a) Yes or b) No… surely nothing is as easy as that??!!