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“Hi, I am 25 yrs old and I am in a relationship with a guy who is 32 years old. I am happy with him, he treats me like a princess… but the problem is he wants physical intimacy and I don’t want it unless we are married. This topic is really becoming a headache for both of us and I don’t know what to do… please help?”
We showed this question to 3 of our Experts and below is their advice to our anonymous reader.
First up is some advice from the High Priestess of Love herself, Pamela Cummins.
Dear 25 year old:
What I am intuitively getting is this guy truly loves you and feels he has been very patient with you. He has never been so patient with a woman. I am also getting strongly that he will not marry you before becoming intimate with you, because he is not ready to, and doesn’t want to be married to someone who may not enjoy sex. To put it bluntly, there are very few men who are going to marry you before sampling you. No one can tell you what to do because this is your value. I heard the voice of a former spiritual adviser say, “Make a pro and cons list,” write down all the good and bad about waiting to become physically intimate after marriage. If you stick to your value there is a strong chance you could lose him.
Next up we’ve got some advice from one of our regular writers, the lovely Tia Nicole.
I commend you on wanting to wait and I’m sure he will too. My best advice is to let him know why you are waiting and what it really means to you. If he loves you and it’s real he will embrace your choice and possibly “put a ring on it”, or he’ll move on. You will learn about his character either way. Good luck and let me know what happens.
Last up we have some advice from Mr Nice Guy, Kevin Alexander.
You know exactly what you need to do, you’re just hoping you won’t have to do it.
Simple, logical answer:
Break up with him.
Complicated, overly emotional answer:
Relationships aren’t built on being treated like a princess. A relationship is meant for two people to help each other towards common goals and one vision for the future. If your value system says to wait until marriage, and his value system says to do the opposite, then you have opposing value systems. Break up with him on the grounds that you two have opposing value systems, and due to his inability to respect your values, causing a constant discussion and a headache, it has ceased to be a relationship.
Relationships move forward. You have two other things instead: a discussion and a headache. Neither of which are a relationship. What you’ll be doing by breaking up with him is not only just a formality (the relationship ended when the discussion began), it’s the smart thing to do for a strong woman such as yourself. Why is it smart? Because it frees him up to be with someone who wants sex before marriage (if he’s not cheating on you already), and it frees you up to find someone who wants to wait until marriage.
In the future…
Do not get into a romantic relationship with anyone who opposes your value systems. That’s a waste of time, emotions, and energy. I’m sure you’ll agree. I recommend looking for men in circles where your value system is prominent, accepted, and considered normal behaviour.