The guy that broke your heart, the boyfriend that cheated on you—they are gone. In fact, they might not even be aware of how deeply they hurt you, or care for that matter. By dwelling on it, you are giving energy to a person or situation that is so over and I can assure you; that energy is not being returned with the same concern. It’s simple really–energy goes where effort flows. It takes the same amount of effort (if not less) to make room for happy instead of drama – clarity instead of chaos.
We use emotional “addictions” to numb the pain in our heart, but did you know that numbing diminishes your capacity for love? You can’t truly give yourself in the next relationship if you’re numb! You want someone who is happy, right? Why on earth wouldn’t your next partner want the same?
What are you addicted to that numbs your pain? And it doesn’t have to be pills or booze. It could be creating your own chaos, drama, temporary relationships or wallowing in self-pity.
Think about if you took all of that hurt, pain, longing and fear of finding someone and reframed the focus on whom you are. If every time you think “what if”, instead you say “I am worthy of so much better than that”; you would soon find that your mindset would literally transform. The power that you keep allowing to be siphoned off by these events could be reclaimed.
Instead of weighing your worth against how you were treated or made to feel, start weighing it against who you are as a human being. Remember her, the best damn version of yourself–when you didn’t need a man to complete you. Shit, you had your pick because your confidence was epic and it shined like a beacon to non-assholes. Call that girl up right now!
[Tweet “We use emotional “addictions” to numb the pain in our hear”]
If she were here and saw you “shoulding” on yourself or indulging in negative self-talk, she would probably kick your ass. She would say fuck ‘em. Be grateful that the asshole did you the favor of leaving you. She is right and you really ought to listen to her.
Be grateful for every time you thought you weren’t getting what you needed from that man—because now you can love who you are without him and you know what you do want. Have the damn courage to go after what serves you and a man that treats you with the respect you’d show yourself.
Thank him for showing you that he is less than what you deserve. Give yourself permission to forgive you and then him, and set the intention to no longer reward bad behavior and simply “accept him for who he is”. You will look at someone’s actions and patterns—not just their words.
Be grateful that he didn’t love you–for showing you that half-hearted, okay for now love was all he had to give. You just weren’t for him, or him you and that is a bullet dodged. Now you won’t teach a future generation that half-assed love is how a relationship should be. Thank him for setting you free to find a man who not only wants you, but will show you a love that is breathtaking and beautiful.
Be grateful for the pain and loneliness he caused you when he left. You can now use that as a catalyst for happiness. Take back the permission you gave him to do that. Allow yourself to actually be happy. Be present in your own life experience—take the time to travel the road back to you at your core.
Thank him for a chance to pause, reflect and come back whole. Be grateful every day for even the smallest things, because being thankful helps you stop the bullshit pity party. Start your days with a statement that is positive, and write down something you are proud of each night before you go to bed.
- Thank him for not appreciating who you are—someone else will.
- Thank him for not wasting anymore of your time.
- Thank him for not marrying you and producing children from those lies.
- Thank him for being selfish despite your love. That love can now be shared with someone who will cherish it.
Accept yourself exactly as you are. More than anything, you deserve to fall in love with yourself right now. Don’t try to become who you wish you were to a man, for a man or as some ideal couple—try to be the woman that other women admire and men cannot wait to meet. That is the best gift you can give to your future boyfriend or husband; the gift of you—whole, positive, happy, grateful, you.