The SW Experts | How You Can Find Love (Yes, Even You)
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How You Can Find Love (Yes, Even You)

 

How You Can Find LoveBeing single can be fun. It definitely has it’s perks – like having control of your TV remote and eating popcorn in bed. But let’s face it -in the end, we all want that someone to spend our forever with. Whether you’ve been on date after date with no success, or have taken a break from the dating scene, I have some tips on how you can find love.

How You Can Find Love

1. What do YOU want?

This is the MOST important step in this process. If you don’t know what you are looking for in a soulmate, how on earth do you expect to find it? It’s the proverbial needle in the haystack, except in this case you may be looking for a straw, a needle, a pin, maybe a rock… you get the picture. Think long and hard about what your ideal relationship looks like. I don’t mean thinking about the guy who buys you flowers randomly or showers you with gifts – but think harder on what those actions mean – maybe you’re looking for a guy who is generous, or kind, or likes to show randoms acts of affection. Maybe you’re looking for someone to marry. Maybe you’re looking for a friendship, or even just a fling. There’s no wrong answer – but until you know exactly what you want, don’t even bother trying! Make a list and stick to it. What are deal-breakers for you? What points are negotiable? What qualities must your ideal mate have? Try to focus more on values than physical qualities – does it really matter if he drives a nice car? It may be more important how he treats him mom, or if he can make you laugh.

2. Be honest with yourself 

How You Can Find LoveI hate to break it to you but chances are you are the common denominator in all your failed relationships. Ouch, right? But on the bright side, that means you are in control of your situation. So, take that hard look in the mirror and determine what behaviours are causing you to fail. Do you have insecurities that a causing you to be attracted to a certain kind of man? Are you settling for men that you know probably aren’t good for you and then wasting your time with them? What hidden emotions or beliefs are causing you to do that? I’m not saying this will be easy, but if you can come to terms with some of your limiting behaviours, then you can start to work on them. And once you have that mastered, the rest will be easy.

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3. And… go! 

Now that you’re armed with all the information you need about yourself and what your ideal relationship looks like, you’re ready to jump into action. This doesn’t mean that you constantly have to be “on the prowl”, but be open to opportunities. Join a co-ed gym, or attend social mixers/networking events. Standing in line at the coffee shop? Put the phone away. Talk to the preson in line next to you. It doesn’t matter if they are young or old, male or female, just practice those skills of engaging with people around you. Opening yourself up to opportunity is a key step in attracting someone to you. Once you meet somebody – give them a chance. You may not feel chemistry immediately at the first meeting, or even the first date. But it’s easy to mistake lust for chemistry. Real attraction grows over time, so give it some. But, be honest with yourself in the meantime. If he isn’t shaping up to meet your values and priorities, ditch him early on and save yourself the effort.