The SW Experts | Chemistry: Is it an Instant Spark or a Slow Burner?
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Chemistry: Is it an Instant Spark or a Slow Burner?


dating chemistryWhether it’s physical, emotional or chemical—when it’s there, it’s there. There’s no denying it. With daters frequently using chemistry to justify a second date, it leads us to question: what does chemistry actually mean? If we don’t feel it within minutes, do we write if off forever?

The only way I’ve ever been able to define chemistry is the feeling of “butterflies”. Whether it’s physical, emotional, intellectual or chemical there’s an unspoken connection. Sparks. An intangible, magnetic pull leaving you wanting more. If that doesn’t exist immediately does that mean that it won’t develop over time? Here are three common date one mishaps worth reconsidering before you fail your date on the all-important chemistry test.

The All-Important Dating Chemistry Test

The Attraction

 That cheeky glint in their tinder picture is actually a creepy gawp in real life? That side picture was their profile picture for a reason? (don’t trust anyone with a side picture). Fear not, if you manage to continue with the date and actually begin to feel an emotional, intellectual or chemical “spark” half way through, that means that there is a possible chance of chemistry. This, in turn, means that the physical attraction may follow. We’re a fickle generation, and we need to stop writing off people where there’s no immediate physical attraction. Believe it or not, it can grow!

[Tweet “Chemistry is you touching my mind and it setting my body on fire. #dating #chemistry”]

The Compatibility

There’s nothing quite like that feeling when you “click” with another individual. Whether it’s a shared interest of trashy TV programmes on a Sunday night, or the same life morals, you can’t overlook the realisation that someone else is actually on your unique wavelength. If this isn’t accompanied with that feeling of chemistry remember that it could develop. What you have is a foundation. If it matures, you might have a very special relationship on your hands. If it doesn’t, you’re lucky enough to have met someone just like you.

The Kiss

No stomach churning “fireworks” after kiss number one? Nerves might have got in the way, and that’s OK. Try again, see if it happens when you’re both a little more relaxed and willing to let yourselves go in the moment. It’s an intimate experience, and one that isn’t always picture perfect the first time around.

So yes, in an ideal world us greedy daters might want to feel chemistry instantly, and if we don’t we’re quick to revert back to the drawing board. However, what we need to remind ourselves is that intense chemistry from the get up is often temporary and unsustainable. So instead, if we focus on the positives after date number 1, and there’s enough to warrant a second date, chemistry may well and truly follow over time. If it doesn’t, we remember Carrie (yes, I’m quoting Carrie Bradshaw but this one is a good one) “some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” Quite apt I think.