Intimacy is more than sex, but it enhances the sexual experience. Developing an intimate relationship with yourself (“In to me see”) is the key feeling connected in love. Knowing intimacy for ourselves helps us relate to others in a truly nurturing way. The ability to nurture yourself intimately is part of the foundation of relationships and it’s our core. Knowing our bodies sexually helps us heighten the experience for ourselves and our partners.
Cultivating self intimacy is another way to describe self pleasure. I use the word intimacy here because we tend to think of our private parts as intimate physical parts of ourselves. Also, I like my description because masturbation seems to have taken on a negative image. It’s natural. From the time of being diapered and bathed as a child, we are aware that it feels good to be touched in our more sensitive areas.
Learning to please yourself is a healthy way to explore your sexuality and to understand what arouses you and brings you to heightened pleasure.
Our bodies are in tune with this concept and supplies us with a delicious and intricate erotic map. Once we learn to navigate our goody trails, we have an indulgent guide to satisfaction. I encourage my clients to let their fingers do the walking along every path and learn what feels good.
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Leaving your sexual pleasure up to chance or up to your lover lacks confidence. Each of us possess varied levels of skill and knowledge in the area of foreplay and sex. No one body is exactly the same so the steps to please will surely have differences. On your journey, you may enjoy paved roads, rugged terrain, or even skimming the high seas, but what happens when you try a different mode of transportation? Sexual preferences from basics to kink come in many varieties. There is no one size or type that fits them all.
The focus of cultivating self intimacy is to learn your body’s language. There are three main areas of concentration:
How hard or soft to touch.
The pattern of the stroke.
The tempo or pace in which you stroke.
Learning how and where to touch is also vital. Along with the obvious genitalia, we have pleasure spots on our bodies. Our erogenous zones, as shown in the image, are designed for attention during sex. Consider them little rest stops on your pleasure road. Stop. Take time. Caress your body. Pay attention to how it responds.
Use varying degrees of pressure, rhythms, and speed. Adding in a few positions along with stimulating accoutrements’ (sexy French word I’ll use for toys, potions, etc.) will also help you identify what turns you on and up. Increase oral pleasure by further engaging your senses with sucking/licking, anal teasing or gentle squeezes of the nipples while exploring your body.
Make it fun. You can use your hands or invest in sex toys. The newest technology not only looks and feels more like flesh, but they also have an array of features in wireless, battery life, pulsating or vibrating, and clitoris, anus or G-Spot stimulators.
Not sure where your G-Spot is located? Ladies, it’s approximately two inches inside the vagina. If you cup your hand and insert the two middle fingers and press towards the pelvic bone, that’s a starting point.
For you guys, the prostate is considered your g-spot. You can reach it via anal entry. Many believe the G-spot to be a myth, but gently massaging these areas have been known to enrich the orgasmic experience for many.
Overall, the goal is to find your “O Spot” – that oh so good feeling spot. Once you’re comfortable in knowing what pleases you, I’m sure your partner will be eager to learn. If you’re going solo, you enjoy knowing that since you are the owner of a complicated and beautiful body, it’s your Divine right to allow it to express itself blissfully through sex. When you free your mind of guilt, you can embrace ecstasy.