The SW Experts | Dating Advice for Men ~ How Much Interest Should I Show a Girl in the Beginning?
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Dating Advice for Men ~ How Much Interest Should I Show a Girl in the Beginning?

Susan McCord - Dear Sybersue How much interest should i show


Dear Sybersue,

I am enjoying my new dating life at the moment but I am still unsure whether my initial conversations with women are a bit too much sometimes.  If I like a woman I compliment her and tell her things like I am attracted to her, enjoy her sense of humor, and tell her I would like to see her again.

I am not into playing games and want to be honest from the first date!

Is this OK or should I be pulling back more and keep her guessing?  My guy friends say I am way too nice and think I am a bit of a pushover. What do you think?  I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing what you have to say!

Thank you, Marco

Hi Marco,

Thanks for your great question!  Many people are nervous about dating as they are not sure how they should come across or portray themselves in the beginning.  My advice is to always be true to yourself and who you are. Putting on airs or playing games is not who most of us really are unless we want to stay single forever.  Being unavailable or playing hard to get just sends out mixed messages if you truly are interested in a woman.

However, there are limits as to how open and honest you should be the early stages of getting to know someone.  You don’t want to come across needy or smothering, so it is best to go slow and not be too aggressive with anything.  You really don’t know her yet so hold off saying and doing too much too quickly especially on the first date!  Being kind and telling her she looks nice and that you enjoyed your time with her lets her know that you like her but it is not overkill nor will it freak her out.  She walks away from her date knowing where she stands with you which is a good thing.

Don’t send her numerous texts after your time together but send her one saying how much you enjoyed your date the following day.  I always respected a man who did this and it usually followed with a phone call a few days later regarding a request for a second date.  I appreciated men like you Marco because I didn’t have to question anything and there was no confusion.

[Tweet “I am not into playing games and want to be honest from the first date!”]
The conversation should always be reciprocated on a date and it should be fun and relaxed. No deep topics or secrets should be discussed or anything negative for that matter. When in doubt of what to talk about ask some interesting questions and not the obvious ones about work, ex’s, “why are you single?” or “what is your 5 year plan?” Avoid sounding like you are reading off of a dating checklist asking one question after another & any personal questions should be left for much further down the road.  Making your date laugh is a great way to get her to open up and talk to you which helps make conversations flow naturally. There’s a certain trust that comes from being able to make someone let go with a good belly laugh.

Leave a little mystery so they want to get to know more about you. A kiss goodnight is fine but a groping session is not.  Being a gentleman is a great quality and saying things openly shows a confidence that many women really appreciate. The less a woman has to question about the character of her date, the better chance there is of a second date in the future.  Being authentic to who you are as a man will bring you closer to bringing a like minded partner towards you. If she prefers to play games and doesn’t like your positive candor then that is her lesson to learn not yours.

Thanks for writing Marco,  Sybersue  <3

Please watch this video regarding Marco’s question