Most guys fail at the approach because they won’t or can’t try. Why? Man’s most feared emotion in dating – the one that will give him the biggest blow to his ego is… REJECTION.
As long as you aren’t approaching you aren’t getting turned down and if you aren’t getting turned down then your ego can continue to assume it’s the man.
A healthy ego is not a problem – but stopping yourself due to your ego is – that’s where things become unhealthy.
[Tweet “Most guys fail at the approach because they won’t even try #datingadvice”]The problem is you don’t even realize you’re doing it – you probably think it’s because you’re scared but where is that fear coming from? That fear is originating in your ego that is telling you that you will feel much worse if you get turned down but in the meantime you’re in a total rut because by not approaching it’s just like a no anyway.
Ask yourself this question honestly – if you saw a girl across the bar and just before you approached I came up to you and said “if you go up to her and ask for her number I will give you a check for $10,000” could you do it? Of course you could! Because at that point you wouldn’t care if you got rejected or not – all you would care about is getting 10 G’s!
Apply that same logic to approaching without my checkbook as motivation – as you can see you won’t have a fear of rejection when there’s another reason besides getting her number to go over which means your fears are unfounded.
The ONLY way you will get her to be in your life is for you to make a move – and since dating is like sales a lot of your approaches will go nowhere.
Just like the great salesperson that makes 100 calls to get 10 appointments to end up with one sale, that is the kind of mentality you need!
The alternative is you let your ego wallow in its fantasy world of being great even though you sat and stared at your drink all night.
I understand it’s not easy and sometimes you fumble for things to say but let’s bring this back to your career. Were you good the first time you ever did what you do for a living or were you pretty overwhelmed? Did things get easier as you went along? What happened to make things easier? Oh, that’s right – YOU KEPT TRYING.
You didn’t come up to your boss after day 2 and say “you know what, I’ll never get this so I’m just going to quit and find a box to live in on the streets.” As things went on you kept figuring out what was working, what wasn’t working and pretty soon you became competent at what you do (even excellent).
Of course you’ll probably be bad at your initial approaches – but if you keep trying and learning then you’ll get better – it’s all a numbers game and practice! I have 3 great tips on approaching women to get you started!
Remember guys, when you don’t approach you tell yourself no before you give her a chance to say yes.