She dumped you or you dumped her (usually it’s the former, not the latter) and now you want her back.
You scour the internet looking for products and there is always someone willing to relieve you of $50 or $100 or even more than that. Heck, I’ll set up a payment processor if you’re looking to give money away – I’ll take it!
Because, that’s what you’re doing – by pursuing an ex you’re GIVING MONEY AWAY. Since most of the time it’s guys getting dropped (they never see it coming), let’s focus on the folly of being a dude pursuing your one true love that got away – no matter what the modern internet snake oil salesmen ‘promise’ they can do for you to “get her back.”
You’ve just gotten the “let’s be friends” or “I need space” speech and you’re reeling. In fact, that happened to one of my students. She cried and wailed as she told him how much she loved him but that she thought they needed “space away from each other”, (yeah, “real love” there).
He was fooled by this as this incident is what brought him to my teachings because he actually fell for her line and thought that after some time away she’d realize that they were meant to be together.
About 6 days after it looked like she was heading for a lifetime in a dark room stroking her cats, surprise, surprise – his friends spotted her out laughing and wrapped around another guy like he was the only thing between her and a fall of 150 feet! Go figure!
[Tweet “If she leaves you then you shouldn’t want her back! #relationships #relationshipadvice”]You see guys, our ego doesn’t want to believe that she could actually flush us down the toilet – so it protects itself by shelling out $125 to internet guru du jour that is going to tell us how to get her back.
When a woman decides to leave – as in the case of my student – it’s a long process the guy doesn’t pick up on until it’s too late and the Hollywood drama is playing out in front of him.
She will slowly lose feelings and then build resentment until she’s sure of her decision. By the time you get to the crying/I’ll always love you/maybe someday we can be together scene it’s WAY TOO LATE because she’s sure of her decision at that point. There was a time you could have recovered as I teach in my dating relationship education course entitled THE SYSTEM but not when she’s leaving.
At this point of the article I have to stop to address some hecklers – there’s always present when I write an article like this. They tell me that “wait a minute – I know this happened exactly to so and so and then she came back 6 months later and now they’re married – don’t tell me you can’t get an ex back – I’ve seen it happen!”
What the “heckler” said is technically true. Your girl can build up all the resentment and consciously decide to end your relationship – with NO regard for your feelings by the way – she just wants out and puts on the crying act so you don’t jump from a bridge in front of her.
She then comes back because you hung in there staying in contact (like a moron) and she got her proverbial butt whipped in the dating scene by all the Alpha Males who were better at playing the dating game than her – so what does your “true love” do? She comes back to “old reliable” – YOU – to make your life miserable.
The girl you get back in this scenario (you remember the one that broke your heart and didn’t bother to care about it as she wrapped around another guy) doesn’t feel any different about you – she just knows you’re the best of all her bad choices.
Expect to say “what’s the matter honey” a million times over the course of your 40 years together as she wistfully looks out the window wishing for the stud guy she really wanted while you two were apart – but couldn’t land.
Remember guys, one chance, per woman, per lifetime. If she leaves you then you shouldn’t want her back.