The SW Experts | Dating Your Friends
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Dating Your Friends

dating your friends

So many men and women believe if they are friends first they have a better chance at a successful relationship with one another. However, this is not true! Good relationships come from effort. Being friends first can be a positive only if sex is not involved, but get real! Like that’s going to happen! So take it slow! When friends start dating it is important to understand each other’s expectations and possibilities. Doing this before sex is introduced will help develop a healthier relationship. Developing an emotional relationship instead of a physical one gives the opportunity for a good relationship to thrive. The simple reason is when intimacy is introduced, it escalates one’s emotions. Even after one sexual encounter women become emotionally vested making it very difficult for her to pursue another. Where men might not. Although men might have feelings about the relationship they thrive more on the physical aspect. The “connection” is not as evident to men as women. The time men become vested in a relationship is when they see a real prospect in marriage or some type of invested committed relationship. Always weigh out the pros and cons before dismissing the idea, because it is not necessarily a bad thing to date your friends, however it should be entered into with the utmost awareness.

The main concern is what if the relationship fails, what is next?

Some cases it is not only the relationship that is over, but the friendship is over as well. What happens if you start dating others? Do you get jealous? These are difficult because of that bond that was once there. Hanging out with someone who seen your most intimate and valuable moments is difficult to come back from. Those emotional attachments are what drives us in finding and keeping a mate for all their possibilities. Like other important topics it is necessary to talk about all those what “what if’s”. This will help identify fears, questions, and expectations. A great relationship comes with time, effort, and patience. There is never a head start, short cut, or easy way to a successful relationship.

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Are you able to remain friends?

Yes, some individuals can go back to being friends, however this is a double edge sword. If neither friend see an issue in becoming friends again, you might want to think about those you date after. Relationships end once your new partner finds out you, and your friend used to date. Not because they are insecure, crazy, or jealous but because there is always a lingering thought. Will they get back together? You can say no all you want, but there is nothing that will change their mind. This is because friends are those who you go to for emotional support, and does not exceed that. Intimacy surpasses that friendship definition. You can lie to yourself all you want, but there is always a possibility. The reason being is that you have allowed them to be a part of you that not all friends get. Once you open your heart to someone it is very hard to close it, especially in vulnerable moments, right after a break up. This is why friends shouldn’t let friends text or call while drinking, because you’re not thinking clearly. This makes it difficult for the other person to understand your intentions.
If you take anything from this please, please, please remember this. When you hear someone say at a wedding “I’m marrying my best friend” that does not mean literally. That means they found someone they are so close to they are the first choice to go to when in need of support and honesty. Like a best friend. Don’t use friendship as the fast track instead remember all relationships take time, work, and effort.