The SW Experts | Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!
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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!

dear sybersue my bf is a nice guy but i like bad boys

Dear Sybersue:

I have been dating my boyfriend Andrew exclusively for 1 year now and I really do love him. He is ready to take the next step and move in together but I am questioning whether we are a good match for a long term commitment. He is the ultimate nice guy and is everything a girl would want! He really is a perfect boyfriend. I never have to question things or try to figure him out because he is always so even keeled and non confrontational. Our sex life is good; a little on the vanilla side but I am very attracted to him physically!

The problem is:

I am used to bad boys and really miss the excitement of it all! I am 31 years old and should be ready for a real relationship by now, but there is something that keeps pulling me back from wanting a normal conventional existence with one guy. I miss the intensity of bad boy sex and spontaneous get-togethers from my past a year ago. I know I should be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally without all the B.S. of a guy who is only there for a “good time not a long time,” but I admit I am a little bored with Andrew.
What do you suggest I do?

Thanks, April84

[Tweet “It is time to grow in another direction and leave your past behind #RelationshipAdvice”]

Dear April,

Have you ever thought about what it would be like for you not to have Andrew in your life? Are you possibly taking him for granted because he is always available and there for you? Maybe you are used to the up and down drama from your past “bad boy relationships” and miss that intensity of the constant mystery. Are you really OK with your past booty call lifestyle and can you see that continuing on for the rest of your life? If your sex-life is too vanilla with Andrew then you need to discuss ways to spice it up. Tell him what you like and take the initiative to change it. Most guys are pretty open to new things in the bedroom!

There might also be something internally deep rooted that could be causing you to want this unavailable type of man in your life. If you have been hurt in the past due to abandonment issues, an abusive or loveless childhood or relationship; this can keep your heart guarded so that you don’t get hurt again. Having the bad boys in your life will prevent you from having to make a commitment because they certainly won’t want one. They are content adding more and more notches to the bedpost, not running out to the jewellery store to pick out an engagement ring. You are safe from that happening!

It is time to grow in another direction and leave your past behind April! You have a wonderful drama free partnership with a man you love and someone that you are attracted to. I suggest that you take some time to talk to a counselor about why you are so drawn to these bad boy scenarios because I am pretty sure there is something stuck in your heart that needs repairing. Don’t throw away a relationship that is healthy to keep putting yourself back into the danger zone. Nothing comes out of dating these types as they will always be on to their next conquest when they tire of you. They are using you for one thing only but there is something very magical about a man who loves all of you. <3