Does Social Media Ruin Your Relationships?
Well, some people would like to claim that it does – Facebook in particular. We’ve all seen the memes with the list of relationship killers. Somehow Facebook always seems to land on them right between lying and lack of communication. The truth is, that a social media platform cannot take the blame for the poor choices that people make in relationships.
Generally when I see these ridiculous memes floating around the internet, they also speak to trust, jealousy and assumptions. While those are all necessary pieces in a long term and stable relationship, so is basic human goodness. An asshole or a cheater is still the same person with or without the added benefit of social media. They have a choice to lie and cheat over being faithful and trustworthy. Freewill makes someone seek out a side piece of ass on Facebook or anywhere else. End of story.
“Didn’t you see it on Facebook”?
That is the single worst question of the 21st century! (insert scoff and shaking of my head) We are gluttons for gossip, instant news and what the hot girl we crushed on in high school ate for breakfast. Mirror – mirror on the wall, Facebook isn’t to blame at all! You are the one who eats it up and checks the notifications every five minutes. You are the one who makes assumptions based off of a single photo or status update. You are the one who uses social media to stalk a crush or an ex. So knock the blame game off already and take responsibility for your actions. For someone like me there is no escape from social media. It is a vital tool in promotion and client outreach. I have a message to share with people, because helping people is what I do for a living. What is your excuse? The fourteen relationship status changes this year sends the message that you are unstable. Not exactly promising for someone looking to date you, but that’s none of my business. Well, actually it is. You should call me!
It used to be that there were two sides to every story. His and hers, as it were, with the actual truth somewhere in between. Now we have “versions”. His version, her version, what each of you puts on social media and the gossip it generates. The internet is like the old game of Telephone, but on steroids. Honestly people, we’re grownups and most of us can remember a time before Facebook. Certainly gossip happened, but our every move was not played out for 450 of our closest and not so closest friends to see.
Who likes you?
A better question is who cares? If you determine any worth that you may possess by associating it to followers, likes or favorites -you’re insecure. Open up your Facebook right now and scroll through your “friends”. Think about the value of each of them. Does what they do or say have any real impact on your life? Do you really need to see the hot girl’s breakfast or hear about the player’s latest conquest? For every “no” you come across, un-friend them – simple as that. Watch as the bullshit gets less and less when you make your circle smaller. That, my friends, is the key to social media and to life – quality not quantity. When you allow this nonsense and buy into the craziness of it all, no wonder you think your boyfriend or wife is cheating on you. Not everything on the internet is true – just in case you were wondering.
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I’ve always thought that surveillance was for the FBI, but clearly there’s some stage five social media clinging being researched. Research has found that Facebook does indeed impact relationships, relationship patterns, and even how people break up. According to Tara C. Marshall , a psychologist that has studied Facebook break-up behavior, “Analysis of the data provided by 464 participants revealed that Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth. Participants who remained Facebook friends with the ex-partner, relative to those who did not remain Facebook friends, reported less negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner, but lower personal growth”.
To put it more plainly –if you partake in this behavior or acknowledge/engage in it with others, you are stunting your emotional growth and future relationship potential. While research shows distress and negativity associated with Facebook, it doesn’t excuse personal behavior. In the end it is up to the individual to involve themselves or walk away.