How do you know if your relationship is in trouble?
What are the signs?
• The most obvious sign is a change in your sex life. There is a lack of sex or very little romance. They may even make excuses to go to bed at a different time.
• You can walk around naked & they hardly notice.
• When you do have sex it is more of a 2 minute happy ending scenario with little or no foreplay.
• Kissing is almost nil or just a polite peck on the cheek.
• The spark is no longer in their eyes…You don’t want each other lustfully across the room anymore.
• The communication is lacking; they are not listening or paying attention to the small details the way they used to. It has taken on almost a clinical feel when they talk to you
• Their workload has increased or their sports/hobby has all of a sudden become more demanding (so hey say) & you are spending much less time together.
• They start to pull back from your family and close friends.
• Their appearance has changed! (Usually for the better.)
Paying attention to your relationship and the subtle changes will keep you on top of what might need addressing before it is too late to fix it. Many couples breakup due to the smallest details that eventually became huge problems they couldn’t overcome. I have talked to a great number of men and women about how they felt completely blindsided when their partner left them; because they saw no signs at all!
There are always signs!
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One of the worst things you can do is become lazy in your relationship. Assuming everything is fine or being complacent about sex or communication is a sure way to the demise of your relationship. Boredom is one of the key reasons people walk away from anything in life but throw in a partner who just doesn’t seem to care on or takes you for granted on top of it and you have the ingredients for another failed relationship. If you slacked off at work and became an apathetic employee you would be fired because you are not respecting your job or your environment. This is the same thing in a romantic partnership ~ it needs to be nurtured!
How do we do that?
1. The little things that make them go “aaaaahhhh that’s so sweet” should never stop.
2. Sexy notes or texts should still be frequent & don’t ever stop with romantic birthday cards saying “to my beautiful wife” or “loving husband” rather than Bart Simpson Fart Humor.
3. Spend quality time together as a couple leaving the threesome (constant buddy/girlfriend hanging out with the two of you every night) for the occasional get together. You two come first not the BFF!
4. Your partner shouldn’t have to put up flashing neon signs that your birthday or anniversary or other special occasions are approaching. Make a note somewhere to yourself. All mobile phones have calendars now so there is really no excuse to forget!
5. Make date nights & holiday plans. Get a sitter for your child, dog, cat or gerbil! Whatever you have to do to get out for quality time with your partner. Surprise nights are great too!
6. Do your best never go to bed separately or angry. A snuggle a night keeps a couple tight!
7. Compliment them often and notice when they do something different with their appearance. Pay attention to them.
8. Set some time to sit down with a drink or cup or tea and discuss each other’s day. Do not bombard them with drama the minute they walk through the door. No nagging, bitching or whining! (that goes for the ladies too! )
9. Always get up and hug your partner when they come home. Acknowledge them.
10. One passionate “kiss a day” with keep the divorce lawyer far away! It’s that simple.
To keep your partnership alive & not become a divorce statistic, your love needs to be fueled so that the fire between the two of you does not burn out. Ignoring any of the basic aspects of caring for your job or your children would be wrong so why do we allow our relationships to fizzle & die as a last priority?
Make each day with your partner a new experience. Do something sweet for them at least once a day and every few weeks plan something different to do as a couple. Don’t be the last to know that your partner has been unhappy for months and don’t let complacency kill your partnership. It will just be the same with any relationship you move onto down the road if you don’t learn how to fix your part in this. So why not work on this relationship to keep it fresh?! You fell in love with them for a reason, hold onto that. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.