Just before writing this article, a friend sent me a hilarious video on Whatsapp of a young man condemning the actions of a husband, who had jumped in a river in his bid to save his wife. Unfortunately, both of them drowned, and that was the grouse of the young man in the video.
While others called the man a hero for losing his life in his bid to save his wife, he called the husband a stupid hero. He said if he were in his shoes, he would have told his wife to get out the same way she got in, “because I am not going to interfere with what God is doing in her life. I was born in the hospital, and I will die in the hospital. Besides, who is going to claim the insurance money, if we both die.”
I’m not going to lie, I was laughing throughout the time I was watching the video, and even as I write this article, my lips are spread in a smile at the memory of that video. Funny clip, but the underlying message is that the guy in the video is a pretty selfish person. When I tried to reason that the husband and wife were now one, by virtue of their marriage, my friend who had sent the message felt the message of the short clip was perfect, and that was how most guys think.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, sorry to break it to you, selfishness is what it is called, and in the end, it can lead to a breakdown of communication, because if only one person is being selfless in a relationship, it can become tiring. And that is the one mistake that you should not take into the New Year with you. As for me, I’m dumping it in 2015.
There was a time that Nelo told me, she wanted me to do a favour for her and that was to ferry her and her friends to the wedding of one of their friends. It was on a weekend that I was working, and all I wanted to do was just head to my office and finish the work and come back home to chill, but instead my girlfriend had a different idea; like me chauffeuring her and her friends to a wedding in one of those parts of town that are so traffic-ridden.
I wish I had told her yes, but I did not.
I told her I would not be able to go, and used work as an excuse, even though I could have gone and still made it in good time for work…but I just did not want to go. I did not want to put myself through the trauma of driving a group of four ladies, who would be so into their gist, I would be nothing more than a driver. I just did not want to inconvenience myself. And I didn’t. I called a cab that would take them there and bring them back, whenever they were through.
While her friends thanked me at the ‘kind’ gesture, Nelo gave me that look that said, “There will be hell to pay later” and was she right? When she laid into me later, it would have been a lot easier, if I had just driven them the one way she had requested, instead of paying for a cab.
So, for me, this coming year is time to be more selfless in my relationship.
I don’t want to make that mistake again. Besides, I have learnt that women don’t just ask you to do them a favour just for a surface reason. There will always be layers of reasons to it. They could very well have asked someone else. My girlfriend could have called a cab by herself, but she asked me to drive her there with her girls, and it was because that would be the only time we would be spending together in a week.
Throughout that week, we had not seen each other, just exchanged messages, calls and other e-mails, but we had not seen physically. Blame Lagos life! That Saturday morning would have been our first opportunity to see, and catch up with each other in a week, and what did I do? I botched it, because I was just thinking about myself, my needs, my work…not of her feelings, and it never crossed my mind that she would want to have a physical connection with me, after a week.
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I don’t know exactly what the New Year would bring for both of us, but if it brings Marriage, so be it, and all the more reason, why I should learn to be selfless and always put her needs before mine. To not always push aside her wants, just because they offend me at the particular time it was mentioned.
I realise that, unlike the guy in the video I had watched, love and relationships are built on selflessness. It’s like letting go of your life into someone else’s hands, in the blind hope that they would take care of it, while you take their own, keep it and nurture it, until it is better than you met it.
Obviously, that was something that man that drowned while trying to rescue his wife knew. He knew he was dead already, if his wife died. Two had become wife, he was her protector, her provider, it was his job to ensure no harm came to her, physically, emotionally, and in every other way. It was that simple.