On a recent girls catch-up, my girlfriend and myself wondered round Central London with vitamin packed smoothies in hand. As we head the direction of Soho the number of sex shops began to increase along with my excitement for the ultimate girls shopping adventure. My friend is getting married in a few weeks so I suggest a shopping spurge to get something for the famous wedding night and the weeklong honeymoon. She was not as excited as I thought to the idea of sexy lingerie and frisky sex aids. I drag her in, just for a look.
As she looked through the wedding lingerie they had and picked out some nice little numbers, I began eyeing up the ladies toys. Most of which I had tried and tested or at least another ‘brands’ version. My friend joined me and with an appalled look on her face turned to me and said, ‘Don’t they just burn off your clitoris?’
‘Have you never used a vibrator on yourself or with your boyfriend?’ I questioned.
‘Never. I’ve never given myself an orgasm.’ My eyes widen in shock and sadness to the years wasted without no mess orgasm’s.
We later meet up with another friend and the sex toy moment came up. Amazement as I find out my other friend has too, never used a sex toy and never masturbated. Wow.
‘I’ve just always had sex with my boyfriend and relied on him.’
But…but…but… what did you do when you were single, or he isn’t doing anything you like, or he’s working away or not in the mood or your just horny, or bored?
Astonished by this I ask why and a simply reply is thrown back at me. ‘How do you know what to do or buy?’ This is so true. I have a drawer at home full of bits and bobs I have bought over the years and many of them I have used once and never again. Now I understand that this is a preference thing but from what is suggested in magazines and from what you watch on TV, bigger isn’t always better.
Both of them sat there with eyes in headlights as we began discuss a sex life on your own. They bombared me with questions of all varieties, desperate to find out about this unashamed world they have never entered.
I was very much a late bloomer in the world of sex and my own sexy alone times, and it took a drunken night with a work colleague where she shouted ‘seize your clitoris’ at midnight, on The Strand, on a crowded Friday night. After the embarrassment drained from me face I looked into what was out there. And of course the obverse Rampant Rabbit was my first purchase. Later that night I attempted to use it with full on terror. Nope, did not float my boat. I returned to the shop and was advised to try something smaller. Makes it sound like you are shopping for dress for a date. But I was the best orgasm advice a girl can have.
That night I had my first solo orgasm. The first of many.
Over the years I tried out different thing, not loving everything, but LOVING some things. This led to a new sexual energy, freedom and even more enjoyment when I was with a partner. Can sex toys improve the female libido? I believe a massive, YES! If you can conquer your own clitoris and no the do’s and don’ts down there then surely this makes life easier for you partner who wants to provide the ultimate pleasure to you.
After years of tried and tested encounters I made up some handy tip for my girlfriends:
- Start small and slowly build. There are so many different versions of the Bullet out there, which is the perfect start to the sex toy world. It is a small vibrate that is about the same size as a lipstick, designed for clitoris stimulation. Don’t think because of its size it won’t pack much power because you will be quickly surprised. Some come with different settings and speeds, which can slowly draw you out of your comfort zone.
- Silence is golden. There is nothing worse than when you are nervously trying out something new and it sounds like a hoover craft has landed in your bed. There are many sex toys that are silent, so the embarrassing buzz is banished, allowing you to just focus on you and not the neighbors hearing you next door.
- Introducing the boy to the sex toy. This can sometimes be tricky as they may find it competition so start really small. A vibrating cock ring is the perfect start. The vibration will stimulate your clitoris whilst his penis is 100% in use making him feel more than adequate. As soon as you are screaming your head off I’m sure he won’t a cheeky shopping trip for your next taster.
- Couple sex toys. You can build to bigger items but still making the boy feel like the man. Why not try an sex toy with a remote control leaving all the power quite literally in your partner’s hands. Win. Win. You get a great orgasm, he feels in control and like he has satisfied your sexual needs.
A few weeks later I meet up with the ladies, who both revealed they are conquering their clitorises. Hallelujah, praise the sex gods. My work here is done.