After what feels like a million dates in my lifetime I have come to realize patterns among men and how they act on first dates. There are those who want to make plans through text, those who use the phone, some who ask you where you want to go and others who will choose the location; whatever his efforts are, they all have meanings and I am going to decode those for you!
First Date Review: 6 Reasons to Keep Him or Dump Him:
1. He wants to make plans to meet you in the next 24 hours.
If a man can’t give you a heads-up on plans, he is likely juggling a lot of women or a busy schedule. His inability to give you time to look at your calendar and come to an agreement on what is a good time and day for both of you may be a sign that he isn’t ready to settle down. First impressions are very important (for good or bad) and a man who doesn’t have the respect to make a plan and stick to it could be proving he isn’t ready for a committed relationship.
2. He picks a place that is convenient to him.
Call me old fashion, but I think it is polite and gentlemanly for a potential suitor to take a few minutes, look on Yelp and choose a spot to meet that is convenient for you! Sure, he may just feel comfortable with his neighborhood and confident in the atmosphere of his local lounge, but he should at least check in to see if you mind traveling in his direction. If he isn’t being considerate of your needs for a first date, will he ever?
3. He chooses a dive bar for a first date.
Look, I love a dive bar, but for a first date I think it’s a bit understated. I’m not saying a first date needs to be to the Four Seasons, I’m merely cautioning you to what it means when a man takes you to his favorite dive bar. Perhaps he is buddies with the bartenders or loves their nachos, but make sure that he is taking into consideration what types of drinks and foods you like. Again, if a man can’t put first his best effort in the beginning, when will he? I understand that many of us do a lot of dating and it’s easy for date after date to feel the same, which is exactly why you don’t want to get caught in the trap of going to every mans local dive bar. If they take all their dates there, they may not be slowing down enough to realize what type of girl they really want a relationship with. Instead it could be a fast track to the bedroom. (If that’s your goal, definitely go for it!)
4. He doesn’t offer to pay the bill.
I’m sure many people will disagree with me here, but I believe that if a man has asked you out and has chosen where you two should meet, he should pay the bill! He is asking YOU out. I think its polite. Surely, everyone comes from different financial situations and if paying for the bill or half doesn’t bother you- who am I to judge? But if you want to be treated like a lady and not taken advantage of, assess his manners throughout the date.
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5. He doesn’t plan a second date on the first date.
If you’ve had a lovely evening and at the end he makes no mention of a second date or seeing you again, this could be a sign of a noncommittal man. Often, if a man really likes you, he is going to want to see you again and soon! Some men are shy, or have read contradicting articles where they feel they need to play some sort of game by making you wait. But a man who is looking for a significant other should be able to tell you he has enjoyed this time you’ve shared and that he would like to see you again. If you aren’t being asked for a second date during your first, evaluate how the date went. Does he seem like he could be pre-occupied with other women? Keep an eye out for red flags so that you aren’t getting involved in a situation that won’t progress how you want it to.
6. He doesn’t follow up.
After a good first date a man should follow up with a text, email or phone call saying that he enjoyed meeting you. This will prove that he is mature and thoughtful. Lack of a follow up the night of or next day could be yet another sign that he is not serious about dating. Of course, it could also mean that he wasn’t that into you and that is fine as well! There are plenty of fish in the sea!
There are many factors that can be taken into consideration while assessing a first date, and determining if you want to keep him or dump him; but the most important voice is your own. Trust your gut. If you feel like you had a special time with a nice guy who seems like he would treat you well, then follow that feeling. But if you constantly feel like every date you go on is great and you never hear from men again, you need to evaluate what’s actually happening during your dates. Notice patterns that may be occurring from man to man and then if you are feeling unsatisfied try to set up a date with someone completely opposite than who you have been seeing. Obviously we are talking about humans here, and no two people are the same. However, recognizing patterns in your dating life will help you find someone with qualities that you want and need as opposed to settling for the first guy who asks you to be his girlfriend. Know yourself first, your needs second and find a man third! If you feel confident in what you are looking for and what you have to offer you are sure to have a more productive dating journey!