Whether you’re painfully shy, just a bit rusty, or newly single (like me), approaching guys in bars and clubs can be a pretty daunting experience, especially as we are conditioned to believe that guys should always be the ones to make the first move.
The digital age we live in hasn’t done much to help the situation for both sexes. When you consider this pressure on guys in the context of the digital age we live in, it’s no wonder we are struggling more than ever to interact with members of the opposite sex when we are offline.
The number of married couples who met online has risen sharply over the last few years. For the majority of us, meeting a suitable partner is still far more likely to happen offline for a number of reasons. Swiping left/right takes away the primitive instincts we have programmed into us to identify whether or not we are sexually compatible with someone when we first meet them. This is why things can often fall down quite quickly on date 1 or 2 with people who meet online, and is exactly why we all need to go back to basics and learn how to flirt the old fashioned way!
In much the same way as Neil Strauss’ ‘The Game’ tells guys how to pick up women in bars (I have fallen prey to the techniques given in this book many times and owe my last three year relationship to them unfortunately!) I have attempted to compile a list of similar tried and tested techniques for ladies.
Tips for Women Flirt With and Approach Men Successfully:
1. Choose your Team Carefully
Research has shown that men are far less likely to approach women in large groups, as this can be intimidating. Other men (who aren’t obviously gay) are also not the ideal wing men for you as it would be easy for an outsider to assume you are romantically involved. Ideally you should keep your group to less than five and more than two. Keep it to women only or maybe a gay best friend. If you do happen to be out in large numbers you can always separate yourself (and maybe one other) from the group briefly to scan the room on your way to the bar for potential candidates!
2. Establish Eye Contact
Once you have spotted a guy you like you need to ensure you are within his immediate vicinity so he can see you clearly. Focus your gaze on him for a few moments until he catches your eye. Once he has looks at you, look away. Wait a few moments and look back to him again, if he is still looking then you can be pretty sure that he is interested. I usually repeat this exercise around 3-4 times before taking the next step just to be sure!
3. Choose Your Opening Line Carefully
Now you have established eye contact you need to move close enough to talk to him. Depending on your environment, I usually find something non sexual typically works well:
‘How long have you been waiting here is the queue pretty long?’ ‘Could you pass the menu/napkin/knife/fork/object please?’
‘Sorry, is this yours (present £5 note*) I think you dropped it’ – (I will be surprised if you lose the fiver after the eye contact stage!)
Or in a similar way to the ‘cut and jab’ style recommended by Strauss (which I find works well on men too) you could try saying something playful/teasing but flirtatious at the same time:
‘I just thought I’d let you know your jumper is on inside out, but you pull it off though’
‘Did you know your boxers are hanging out of your jeans, or is that the look you were going for?’
This works really well if the guy is ‘peacocking’ anyway i.e wearing something to make him stand out from the crowd such as a brightly coloured shirt/trousers or hat/item of fancy dress:
‘I am planning a friend’s hen party next week and we were looking for hats just like that- where’s it from?!’
[Tweet “Tease him and be flirtatious at the same time–how to approach men! #singlewomentips”]
4. Play the Damsel in Distress
This is a great technique if the guy is in a group of two or more as it will bring out his competitive side. Guys find a woman very attractive when she is asking for his help/problem solving advice so something like:
‘I think my friend left her jacket/dropped her driving license/keys round here, would you let me know if you find them please?’
The guy will try extra hard to help you and find out more about you if he is interested. Always a good way to find out how much of a gentleman he is too!
5. Cultivate a Signature Move
My own signature move is based on the above, but you may have to adapt yours to the environment you are in and the guy you are with. My own move (which I may not be able to use now that it’s no longer my secret!) is called ‘The Cinderella’. This is a move that I have used time and time again and is yet to let me down, so give it a go the next time you’re out!
Step one– find guy you like, make eye contact, move towards him and his friends
Step two– Kick off one of your shoes in direction of said guy
Step three– Identify one of his less attractive friends and say: ‘Excuse me I think I’ve lost my shoe, have you seen it anywhere?!’ *Cue all of them hunting around on the floor for said shoe.
Step four– If you have aimed properly!* your shoe will be presented to you by the object of your desire…great conversation starter! *The Cinderella*