The SW Experts | Flirting is Conversational Foreplay
1994
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Flirting is Conversational Foreplay

Conversational Foreplay

 

I always used to dismiss the importance of flirting. In my younger days, I thought that, if a girl liked me, it would be obvious and the conversation would flow naturally. I didn’t think that I would have to make much of an effort, and just assumed that the girl would accept my personality – if she was physically attracted to me. Boy was I wrong. I soon found out how little physical appearance counts for, if you say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Flirting is an age old custom that enables women to see what you are all about, before they entertain the prospect of bearing your children. Ignore flirting at your peril, because it’s a huge factor that will determine your success (or otherwise) with the opposite sex.

Simple on the Surface Only

I class myself among the many men who have missed out on lots of sex unnecessarily, due to poor flirting skills. This is a major hardship for something that appears so simple. Essentially, flirting is nothing but a lighthearted, nonchalant verbal exchange. However, to gain from it, you need to acknowledge it, understand why you are doing it, and master the rules. If you are reading this, you probably realize that flirting is a mandatory part of seduction. Notwithstanding, have you ever considered why humans engage in these frivolous conversations before having sex?

If I was to ask this question to a teenage girl, she would answer that flirting is enjoyable and gets her in the mood for a physical encounter. Nonetheless, why is it ‘enjoyable’ for women, but bewildering to (many) men? It’s because flirting is a game of emotions, where women test the character of their prospective sexual partners. The woman and man banter with each other, gauging how the other responds in turn. Every time the woman throws a barb at the man, she is assessing his intelligence, his ability to react on the spot, his stress handling skills, his sense of humor and an array of other characteristics. All of this contributes to the ‘enjoyment’.

The only thing that men should concern themselves with, when it comes to flirting, is generating tension. What I eventually learned was that the amount of tension you generate is directly proportionate to the level of interest a girl takes in you. Some men have significant perceived attractiveness, either due to their situation (e.g. a large bank account) or due to mother nature (e.g. a handsome physical appearance). These men generate tension simply by putting themselves before people. Their presence literally forces an emotional reaction from others. Similarly, a man without much perceived attractiveness can provoke the same reaction, by mastering how to flirt with girls effectively. This reaction will not come about immediately, because flirting slowly accumulates tension, not straightaway like perceived attractiveness. The end result though, is identical.

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Proven Methods to Facilitate Flirting

Here’s some tried and tested methods for flirting with women, in situations that are fraught with sexual tension:

1. Cheekily accuse her of somethingFlirting is Conversational Foreplay

The old techniques are usually the best, and this one has certainly been around for a long time. If you get the chance, take something she says and twist it to imply that she has ulterior motives (ideally sexual). This will generate a lot of tension, and add a new dimension to your interaction that you can build on and relish.

Example Conversation:

Her: “Did you buy that jacket recently?”
You: “Now you’re talking my language, shall we go back to your place or mine?”
Her: “Hold on! I never said we should leave!”
You: “Just a minute now, whatever gave you that idea?! We hardly know each other… I’m not sure whether we can leave together just yet! Take it easy…”
Her: “You’re mad…”

2. “I’m not joking”

Possibly, the most guaranteed way to make your date laugh is to inform her, with a deadpan expression, that you are not joking – after you say something that sounds like it should be a joke. Nonetheless, the real irony and comedy comes from the fact that it actually was a joke (usually….).

Example Conversation:

Her: “Do you see your parents much?”
You: “Yes, regularly. At least I did, before they were incarcerated.”
Her: “Ha ha.”
You: “I’m not joking.”
Her: “Oh, sorry…”
You: (After maintaining a solemn expression for five seconds) “Just kidding…”

3. Outrageous confidence / borderline arrogance

In non flirtatious conversations, people usually avoid creating tension by being modest and polite. When you want to make an impression on a girl though, it’s a different set of rules. Casanovas are so self assured, that women sense their confidence and are drawn to it.

Example Conversation:

Her: “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
You: “Yeah, you’re right I do.”
Her: “Oh! So, you see me as no different? Do you think that you can just feed me some pickup lines, and I will jump straight into bed with you?”
You: “Well, actually, I thought that I would need to have a proper conversation with you, prior to jumping into bed. But then again, if you’re ready now, why not? I mean, I wouldn’t want to be rude or anything…”
Her: “Uhh…well…I guess so….”

Job done!