The word ‘revenge’ has a bittersweet taste to it. You don’t want to be seen as a psycho like Glenn Close in the film Fatal Attraction, who became a bunny-boiler after a one night stand with a married man. She stalked him and boiled his family’s pet rabbit after he refused to leave his wife for her! If you really want to understand what a woman scorned can do, watch this film. You also don’t want to be seen as a screaming banshee who can’t deal with rejection without smashing all the plates in the house or slashing his suit trousers, because let’s face it, will someone else then want to have a relationship with you if you do these things? Actually at this stage, do you care? You are the victim here and you want REVENGE!
How to Get Revenge on a Cheater
There is a real sense of satisfaction knowing that through revenge, the cheating lying bastard has been punished, where it hurts him, probably doesn’t hurt him the most, but certainly unsettles him. The problem with revenge sequences shown on television or the movies, is that rejection and revenge is big and bold and colourful, whereas in general, real life isn’t like that. It’s various shades of grey and often ends in a shouting match, lots of tears and irate texts and ignored phone calls. Now, if we tried to do revenge like they do in the movies, such as run him over (“Only to scare him officer – honest”), or upset his digestion (“I think the word ‘poison’ is too strong doctor!”) – we’d be in prison! We can still fantasize though, so here are my five ways to get your ultimate revenge on cheaters. Enjoy them, have a laugh, but for GODS SAKE don’t use them….. however, thinking about them is allowed.
Revenge Tip 1
As long as you’re sure it’s over, because kissing after this would not be recommended, try cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush, after you’ve had a particularly satisfying session in there. Don’t forget to be meticulous with your cleaning!
Revenge Tip 2
Go into his email and reply to all those nice people abroad who seem to have lost their passports, money etc and need help and cash to get back home, or to set up a business, give their child a missing kidney, etc. In fact any scam you can find, reply to them offering financial help and a bed for the night, week, month, and attach his phone number. These scammers LOVE a human connection and won’t let go easily. This will leave him bewildered, anxious and will block up his phone from incoming calls from his new lady love. You can then innocently ask him if he’s upset anyone new recently and he may well think it’s the other woman.
Revenge Tip 3
Read up on STDs and start talking about symptoms you’re having. Ask him if he’s itching, sore, red, weeping puss, etc and then leave a leaflet or your computer open at an appropriate page. That should make for an interesting conversation with the woman he’s seeing behind your back!
[Tweet “Try cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush #revenge #cheaters”]
Revenge Tip 4
Immediately sleep with his sister. Why not, a change might do you good and would certainly shock him and have him wondering if you were really ‘shopping’ on all these previous girly excursions you had with her. It would also mess with his head, because men often fantasize about joining in with lesbian sex, but with his SISTER!
Revenge Tip 5
Marry him! Yes, I did say marry him because then you own half of everything he’s got and revenge isn’t only sweet but lucrative! A quickie divorce can be arranged, once you’ve got your share.
If you have been cheated on, reading this won’t solve the problem, but hopefully will give you something to laugh at and brighten your day for just a few minutes. I’d love to hear your fantasy suggestions too. Let’s make a top ten!
If the situation is a reality for you, and you want strategies for moving forward in a positive manner then contact me via my website.