Okay ladies, how can you tell if your man listens to you? If it is followed up by a lot of uh huh, ok, or oh really? This should be an indicator that he is not listening, nor is he interested in what you are talking about. It is difficult for men to become invested in the conversation for a few reasons.
He is not listening to you, because….
1. He does not need the whole story
2. He does not see the point
3. He has something better to do
He is listening to you, when….
1. The conversation becomes interactive
2. His responses are immediate
3. Repeats what you just said
Do not test him on what was just said!
Instead ask him his thoughts or wait for a response. If no response is given, then maybe he does not have one. This is bad to say, but guys are in the moment kind of people. If you need to explain the whole story to him he starts to lose interest about 2 minutes in. The best way to communicate with your man is let him know you need to talk, and get right to the point. He does not need or want the full story. Instead let him know why you are sad, upset, or angry. Then follow it up right away by asking him for his feedback. Sometimes like women; men can focus on the irrelevant parts of the story. If you do not know why you are upset and just need to talk or vent let him know, but do not expect a response. This is just time for you to get something off your chest. That’s all! Do not get mad at him for not knowing what to say. Chances are you did not pose a question or provide a position for him to take, instead it was just word vomit that he cannot make head or tails of it.
Ladies please stop interrupting your man while he is watching the game, golfing, or out with his friends. We all know you do not need to talk during those times! Instead carve out some time for you two to sit down, and talk. If it is something important enough to interrupt, then let him know what is going on right away. Guys feel like they HAVE to focus solely on you, and can get overwhelmed, and he will start ignoring you. Gain his focus, this can be done by saying “I need your input on something” or “how would you handle this” or “I need you to comfort me because…” these are all good indicators for him that he is going to need to pay attention. Guys do get distracted by their surroundings and what you are wearing. This sounds crazy, but it is true. If a television is on behind you, the likelihood of him listening, go down. If you are at a place with a television, then place his back to it so you have a better chance with talking to him. Strategic positioning is very important to do in order to have a better chance at a good conversation with you man! Because you know he will not turn his back to you just to watch what is on the monitors. He will want to, but he won’t.
If you are out for a nice romantic dinner, and you look sexy the last thing on his mind is talking about your day (in great detail). Instead it is going to lead to; how you look, what else you want to do tonight, and how gorgeous you are. These are not bad things, just bad timing. That is time to focus on you two instead of issues or problems you have cooking in your head. Take that time to be with each other, because that is your time to bond. I can guarantee you that once you get wrapped up in the moment, those unimportant things will just float right out your mind. That is never a bad thing!
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Guys be a little more attentive!
If your lady needs to talk look her in the eyes, and say “how can I help”. Listen to what she is saying, and focus on the problem not her “nagging” as many men would like to say. Yes, guy’s women like to talk, but they love to know their man is a great supporter even if she is just sad for no reason. Women go through changes, and sometimes we do not know our man is there to hold us during these times. You do not necessarily need to say anything other than “I’m here for you”. Please do not ask her “what do you want from me” or “what do you want me to say”, that is the ultra-fast track to the dog house. Sometimes we do not know what we want other than for you to look at her and say “have I told you how beautiful you are today”. This helps calm our nerves and focus on how selfless you are.
Try to be patient with one another by understanding that there is a such thing as bad timing. Guys do not assume she just wants to “nag or complain” when there could very well be something wrong. Ladies start using your friends for girlfriend problems, and stop using your men! These poor guys do not know or understand what is cooking in your head only your girlfriends do. They are your best source for whining, crying, complaining, etc. Here are some things your guys are good for. Asking for help to fix the electronics, direct Q&A, and sex. Those you cannot get from your bff.