You can’t turn on a radio without hearing Adele. “Hello… it’s me….” rings through my head and on my car radio every 15 minutes. I fully admit to liking the song (it’s Adele- how can you not?) and the lyrics are well written. You feel for her because her Ex is never there when she calls. You feel sad that she feels bad because she made mistakes in her last relationship and now wants to own them. And then you can’t help but wonder about her Ex. Maybe the break-up doesn’t tear him up anymore. Maybe he’s never home because he’s living a fantastic post break-up life. Maybe he just doesn’t want to engage.
But what if the Ex was YOU, and you received a call from the other side? If you have, then congratulations! You’ve just been Adeled!
I was Adeled last week by a man I dated for three months at the beginning of summer. The email started very similar to her lyrics… “Hello. How are you?”. And then the pontifications of regret poured faster than an alcoholic beverage on the set of the fourth hour of Today. After the last drop of “I miss you… you were so good to me… what was I thinking?” poured, the request for a coffee date followed.
[Tweet “Every relationship scenario is different, including wrong place, wrong time, and miscommunication #breakup”]
What was I to do with this? What’s the proper response to being Adeled?
There are a few ways to handle being Adeled- here are some options that you may find helpful in responding to your call from the outside:
If you feel you need some closure, continue the conversation.
Sometimes when relationships end, the final sentence may not include an ending punctuation. Do you have unanswered questions? Do you have a few things remaining to say? If closure is something you desire and getting it is safe for you, then by all means get the resolution you need. Time and space may provide the necessary perspective to enter the conversation in a proactive manner, resulting in the closure you truly need.
If you want to reinvestigate a relationship with this person, continue the conversation.
Couples break-up for a myriad of reasons, and to make a blanket assumption that all Exs are evil and never to be dealt with again isn’t a fair assumption to make. Every relationship scenario is different, including wrong place, wrong time, and miscommunication. If you feel that the atmospheric conditions favor investigating a potential reconciliation, then by all means try because your Ex just did.
If you’ve worked through the breakup and need nothing from this person to further you on your path, then decline the conversation.
If you’ve successfully moved on from this relationship and have done so with the necessary closure, then there’s no need to open the Pandora’s box placed before you. You already have hope; no need to find it remaining when you unleash the past by opening the box. Simply don’t respond and continue on your path. There’s no need to berate them for reaching out, as they were brave in doing so. In your situation, perhaps the bravery exhibited by your Ex is materializing too late.
Obviously you’re in the driver’s seat if you find yourself being Adeled. How you respond to that call from the outside is a choice you’ll make based on where you are emotionally when the Adeleing happens. And if you’re thinking of Adeleing your Ex, really think about it before you send that email or pick up that phone. You may get the desired response, or you might find yourself singing the blues.