You’re crushing so hard on one of your male friends. But you feel like you’re totally invisible, and he doesn’t even see you as a girl, let alone love interest! This is actually pretty common, especially if you’re a tomboy. There’s a whole Taylor Swift song about it. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
Signs That You’re In His Friend Zone…
- You hang out together all the time
- He talks about other women with you
- He’ll point out a hot girl either on the screen or in real life
- He sends you one word text messages
- Any attempts to get him to comment on how you look results in “you’re cute…kind of”
- He refers to you as a “sister”
- You’ve shared a bed without hooking up
- He’s tried to set you up with other people
- You asked him out and he asked who else was coming
If any of that sounds like you and your crush, you may have been friend zoned! People will say that once you’re in the friend zone, there’s no escaping it. There are ways to change relationship lanes, but it will take a bit of work.
What’s His Type?
Do you know what his type is? If he’s into redheaded musicians, but you’re a tone deaf blonde, you may be fighting a losing battle. If you don’t know what his type is, just look at his ex-girlfriends to find out. You can avoid having to ask awkwardly, by running his name through a people search. Under known associates you might find an ex-lover.
Okay so you checked out some of his exes. You’re not identical twins, but they’re not your polar opposite either. What should you do next?
Okay, first things first. Have you ever dated, or hooked up with one of his friends? In a recent poll, the leading cause of getting friend zoned is because you’ve already hooked up with someone close to him. For guys, that can be a big fat deal breaker.
[Tweet “People will say that once you’re in the friend zone, there’s no escaping it”]
If you’re determined to swerve out of that friend zone, you have to be less available. Wait a couple of hours before texting him back. Don’t accept his invitations to hang out, and generally be around a bit less. If he asks why, be mysterious about it. Don’t reveal too much information.
Get A Makeover
If you’re a diehard tomboy, maybe it’s time to investigate some dresses. Or go to the hairdresser to get a new look. If you’ve known this guy for a long time, it’s possible he sees you as one of the bros, and has forgotten that you’re actually a chick! But don’t completely change yourself for a guy. If you don’t want to look different, then don’t. Spend your time finding a guy who will accept you as you are. But if you’ve been meaning to try out a new hair color or buy some new clothes, why not?
Do you know who else fixated on one dude until it drove her totally insane? That crazy lady with a hundred cats living down the street. So, please, do not make one guy the be all and end all in your life. It’s time to take advantage of a wider dating pool. Try Tinder, Match, or eHarmony to start meeting local singles. See how he responds to you going on all of these dates. If he’s jealous, then you may well be more than friends. If he couldn’t care less, he’s just not that into you.
Don’t Make A Move
If you’re perched on the edge of your keyboard, aching to send him four paragraphs of your secret longings on Facebook – STEP. AWAY. FROM. THE. KEYBOARD.
No, no, no, nope, and no.
This has got nothing to do with gender politics. If a guy likes you, he needs to have the balls to tell you so. If he doesn’t, then he’s not worth it. Harsh? Yes. But in the long run, this is the key to sifting out jerks. There’s a good chance he might be shy, so initiate physical contact and flirt like nobody’s business. But if he still doesn’t pick up the hint, don’t lay it on the line for him. Men are pretty simple creatures. If he doesn’t make a move, it’s probably because he isn’t interested.