The SW Experts | Hello, How Are You?
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Hello, How Are You?

hello how are you


Let’s begin with our own male (non-catfish) accounts then. It’s that time of the day when we open our dating app and view all the amazing messages, views and matches, always someone more different and exciting to talk to than the last, yeah right! The app menu looks like a baron wasteland which makes you question, is my profile still active? is the Wi-Fi down? Am I that ugly? You check the first two, profile still active, Wi-fi is on and working, but you don’t check the mirror for an answer to the third question because, well quite frankly, you will never know until a circus or freak show asks you to perform. Hey, if it takes us away from the long process of online dating and the pay is good, we’d never rule it out.

For the time being though, we are left with a blank screen staring back at us. No views. No mutual matches. No messages. And this is how it plays out for the majority of the time. You can spend a lot of time looking through potential dates, viewing and reading profiles, sending messages, clicking meet me, viewing potential matches the appgay-19 has come up with, and a fair amount of time can pass in the process. Sometimes a view or two will appear but most of the time it’s a ghost town. Don’t get us wrong, we get the odd message and activity does increase at times, normally all at once, but this is a rare scenario.

So what are we doing wrong? We aren’t quite sure. We have tried all different angles, sending funny messages, serious messages, messages to do with some sort of interest, asking questions, being polite and not trying any cheesy chat up lines. Maybe that’s what it is, do cheesy chat up lines work? Maybe it works 10% of the time along with the coarse approach. Although, the amount of profiles that say don’t say this and that, sending a message saying ‘you have cracking tits’, we don’t think is going to warrant a positive response, if any.

Then we log out. And we log in to our new experiment, our creation conjured out of thin air, our catfish. Beautiful and pure, and faker than Kim Kardashian. The homepage loads, BAM! More notifications than a celebrities Instagram account, such and such wants to meet you and a hundred like them, over a thousand people have viewed your profile and an inbox so full you would have thought we signed up a year ago but in reality, it’s a few days. Well maybe not quite the kind of popularity of a celebrity, but it doesn’t feel far off.

We click the inbox and see an endless list of messages, a string of men in silly poses, pouting, topless and flexing, well that’s 90% of it. Are the messages as bad as the profile pictures? In a word, yes. Most of them are abysmal, ‘hi’ ‘hello’ ‘how are you?’ ‘up to much babe?’ OH COME ON! You’re an adult, male or female, try a little bit harder than that, there are literally millions of topics to talk about, pick one.

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We are slowly understanding the struggle what it is like to be an “attractive” female on a dating site, like the last pizza at a deli counter, everyone wants a slice. The difference between male and female online dating is astonishing and all we can do is laugh and of course, write about it.

In our future blogs we will go into a bit more detail of some of the messages we have received as a catfish and some of the funny stories as two males using dating sites in this day and age. In short conclusion, based on our first impressions as life as a catfish after the first few days, and in comparison with our own real profiles, men should make more of an effort and stop sending messages that resemble the IQ of a peanut like ‘hi, how are you’ or “you want to fuck!?”. Its like their messages are being composed by a cock and ball orchestra.

As for a lot of women, they need to come back to reality away from fairy tales of knights in shining armor, partners in crime and Mr Perfect Right’s, because that’s about as real as the eyebrows we see in a lot of pictures on profiles. Some women hate getting “dirty” messages yet their pictures show so much ass and cleavage its like they’re advertising the grand canyon. So make the first move more often and message more in general, rather than waiting for all the messages to flood in.