Love and history are both full of savagery. Some young loves must pass the gauntlets of terror and tribulation to get to peace and freedom. Even some old. Still, we must learn from our mistakes and not forget to be kind. The saying “we are only human” has deep meaning. We are all vulnerable and fragile. If our love partner forgets that, the pain can be extraordinary. If this happens often, we must choose ourselves first. We must find safety.
There can be times when issues can be worked out. Kindness is understood by most on a basic level. We know when someone is being fair to himself or herself and us. Spats happen. Still nothing is worth continuous bitter arguments and/or one-sided forms of sadism.
How safe can you be alone?
How worried are you that you can’t take care of yourself without your partner or even the drugs you two may use? These are scary questions. One can be caught between two horrifying possibilities. One lesson to practice is not to Awfulize. No matter what, when you make the empowering choice alone or with your partner trust that good will come. If you have to try something, even new things or even leave a relationship or for that matter take any healthy risk or challenge, do not Awfulize. This is when your mind automatically jumps to being certain the worst outcome will happen. Think back to the many times in the past when you thought this. How often did the worst happen? Not many I bet. Usually nothing happens or something between the best and worst that is neutral and easy to deal with. Remind yourself of this when doubt and crisis creep in.
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The world demands we stand on our own two feet.
It’s the toughest lesson out there. Worse yet, some learn it young, and the terror of knowing this causes escape to a lifetime pattern of addiction. Someone who is really being kind to themselves will not harm himself, herself, or another. More so, they will not watch or enable as another hurts them or others. It takes courage to stand for these sorts of values. Sometimes there seems no support for them. Honestly if nothing else there are always trained, even free, professionals one can call or set an appointment to see. Why not? Everybody needs somebody. We can’t do it alone. If the one you love has you trapped in some way, you will need the support of these people to get to a healthy place. You must know if family and friends are reliable enough to be part of that support. A sad thing about life is sometimes when we need their support most: It is the people we most expected to help that do not. They even betray us at times. All learn these lessons. You are not alone. It is part of being human.
Some have to build themselves back up from rock bottom.
With the trust of strangers, good people, social workers etc. because even their families cannot face their issues without confusing their own problems into the mix. Remember the only one who can make you happy is you. Your safety and wellbeing comes first. Really, insight and discernment are the only way to survive in this world. That is why the Greeks valued dirt-poor philosophers like Socrates. In love, your own mind can be your worst enemy.
There is so much glitz, glamour, commercialism, bad politics and outright bullshit bombarding you now that it’s Survival 101 to know some basic human wisdom. In love, sex or dating if it looks too good to be true, trust that it is not likely real. Never give your heart quickly until the other has certainly cleared a path for its entry into their own. The first signs of trouble are not the last. False fronts are easy to see if we allow ourselves. New potential love interests can be tested with bringing, the new culprit or angel , to group settings where you know many people. Feedback, when not envious, tells a lot. Fast sex is someone trading something sacred in the hopes of getting something secure, that really has to be earned other ways and with time. Connected, communicated, loving, understanding – in all realms, talk, money, passion – these have to be there. If someone has a void, then they really do have a void. No matter what you alone pour into it, it just won’t fill. Experts are needed and time. Moreover, the acceptance of alone and loneliness. Can you accept these? They do not go away. Positive creation is the only things that helps, and sometimes we just have to go through the growing pains. It takes a strong person to love. Can you make yourself strong in a discerning fashion? That is the real definition of class, not a BMW.