Many of us who have experience with online dating also have experience with rejection. They tend to go hand in hand. Not everyone you are matched with is going to be a good fit (obviously), so that means one or both of you have to end it.
So what happens when you are really attracted to someone who just – wasn’t that into you? How do you move past the sting of that rejection and open your heart to someone else just as freely as you did before the rejection?
There’s no doubt about it – dating really builds up resistance in your heart. The more rejection and hurt we experience, the more we want to build walls around our hearts to protect them. Pretty soon, we start to convince ourselves that this is okay, this fortress we’ve built. We are protecting ourselves from pain – we really don’t feel anything. But the truth is we do, or at least we want to feel something, otherwise we wouldn’t be pulling out our phones and scrolling through profiles, hoping to meet someone special (despite our efforts not to).
The key to getting over rejection (again and again) is to understand that it is part of the dating experience. Everyone gets rejected at some point. Really.
Following are some tips to help you through the rough patch:
It’s really not personal. Most people are wrapped up in their own experiences, viewpoints, and moods, and act out from that. If they aren’t over someone else, they might not want to pursue anything further with you. Or maybe they are thinking of taking a new job in another city, and don’t want to pursue anything serious. Or if they just don’t feel strong chemistry that isn’t a personal attack on you – it’s just how they feel, and it’s valid. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.
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Not everyone is a good match. Sure, your date might look good in her profile, but that is only a small part of her story. How do you communicate? Is she respectful? Do you have the same values? These are all important questions too – and just because you find her attractive doesn’t mean that all the other important qualities don’t matter.
There is always someone new to meet. The great thing about online dating is that you always have access to meet new people. If you want a quick boost of confidence, you can go online and start swiping or messaging some new potential dates. Put yourself out there again – it is worth it.
Do something you enjoy. There’s nothing like healthy distraction to get you over rejection. If you enjoy surfing, or hiking, or some other physical activity even better – it will help boost the endorphins, too. If you are into spa days, take one for yourself, or plan dinner or drinks with a friend. Actively try to pull yourself out of your funk – it works better than you’d think.
Digitally disconnect. When you are constantly checking your phone for texts or spending hours on social media to see what photos your friends are posting (especially those in happy relationships), you aren’t doing yourself any favors. This type of digital comparison is like kicking yourself in the gut. Resist social media. Resist your phone. Disconnect for an afternoon and see what happens – it might surprise you.
Rejection isn’t easy, but we all go through it. Rejection helps you get to the relationship that is right for you.