In the past ten years of my life, I’ve gone from what I thought was my life long relationship, through crushing heartbreak, through years and years of endless dating, finding myself, and then putting deliberate attraction to practice a few times. And now, I’m in love again with the man I fully intend on marrying. But after years of dating messing with my head and my heart, when I finally found the right one, how did I know when it’s love?
How to Know When It’s the Real Kind of Love
1. When you can be yourself.
It’s hard to differentiate infatuation and lust from love at the beginning. After dating guy after guy with no relationships, by the time I finally ended up with a real relationship, I thought I was in love. But it turns out I wasn’t, because he often made me ashamed of things who made me who I am. He belittled things that I did and made me feel embarrassed about certain bbehaviors I started to question how I acted and what I said. He would cut me off in conversations and never really listen to what I had to say. So if he wasn’t interested in me as a person, and didn’t really like who I truly was, how could this be love? It wasn’t. When I entered into my new relationship with the man I now love, I found myself inadvertently walking on eggshells. But he would always be one step ahead of me, reassuring me before I even need to guard what I said. He loves me, faults and all. My values are important to him, and vice versa.
2. The little things don’t matter.
It’s basically the saying, don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m an over-analyzer by nature, and in all my past experiences I’ve analyzed the shit out of every little thing. Not saying I haven’t stressed in this relationship, but I’ve learned that so many of the little things just don’t matter anymore. Worrying never gets you anywhere anyways, except perhaps more stressed out. When I learned this, things just fell into place. I used to stress about introducing my man to friends and family and what they would think, but with this guy, it just happened all on it’s own. And honestly, even though my friend and family are really important to me, I didn’t really care what they thought about him. And it didn’t matter anyways, because they so easily picked up on how happy we were. Sure, he’s not exactly what I picked out for myself from the Future Husband catalogue, but in a way, he’s so much better.
[Tweet “I was scared I wouldn’t know how I would know I was in love, but you just know #love”]
3. You just know.
I haven’t been with my man for very long in the grand scheme of things. I don’t have 35 years of marriage experience to draw from. But what I do know is this: when people ask me if he is the man I’m going to marry, I know it without a doubt. I searched in all my past relationships for that lightning bolt moment when you just “know” someone is the one. I was scared I wouldn’t know how I would know. But you know what? You just do. It’s usually not any one singular moment, but a growing feeling that is like warm Bailey’s in your belly or butterflies fluttering in your chest. You just know. Trust your instincts.
What do you think? Do you have any telltale ways to know when you’re truly falling in love?