Want to lose a guy after your first date? Push too hard, too soon, or become a stage five clinger, and it’s game over.
If you really want a new relationship, stop hitting the fast forward button after the first date. Too often I see girls go on one date, become overly clingy, then try to fast forward everything so that the potentially new relationship is at the same point where her last relationship left off, right before she broke up with her ex.
Ladies, after being in a long-term relationship, you can find yourself back in the scary and dynamic dating world. Whereas once you were a dating-pro, social media and online dating has turned you into a novice, with no idea what to do. What’s even worse, depending on how your previous relationship ended, you can be left feeling super insecure, hurt and sometimes desperate to make up for the time you spent in your last relationship.
You venture out into the dating world and find a guy you like. The date goes well and yet after a few back and forth text messages, he goes cold. What did you do wrong? Sometimes, the problem is that you pushed too hard, too soon. You scared him away by trying to turn a first date into a long-term relationship.
[Tweet “Becoming too clingy too soon will push a man away #datingadvice”]Let me give you quick story. I once went out on a blind date with a girl who had been in a relationship for six years. She had just re-entered the dating world and I was her second date. Upon meeting her, I could tell she wasn’t my type –she had peach fuzz over her top lip, was wearing running shoes, unflattering jeans, and a windbreaker. She had clearly forgotten how to get ready for a date, perhaps overly used to the comfort and stagnation of a long-term relationship. While we got along well and her personality was fun, she was too much of a tom-boy for my liking anyhow.
We eventually said our goodbyes, and decided we would be in touch. End of date. Or so I thought. I had not even made it to my car in the parking garage when she called me on my cell phone, asking me if I had a good time. She wanted to carry on the conversation, and then asked if she could text me sometime. I had not even started my car at this point when she started now text messaging me, asking me if I was on the same page with her and if I liked her enough to see her again. Twenty text messages later, I just had to stop answering so I could pull out of my parking spot. She skirted whether we should both stop dating anyone else and become exclusive. This barrage of texts carried on for about two weeks before she finally gave up, realizing I was not going to see her again. All of this after having met for a one hour coffee date.
What did she do wrong? She was trying to fast forward to a full-fledged relationships. In other words – she had become too clingy, too soon.
Ladies, don’t do what she did. She had met someone she liked, and was trying to propel a quick meet and greet date into a relationship so she could skip all of the courting, the getting to know and feeling out process, and arrive at the day-to-day comfort of a relationship that was to the level of where she left her last one. If you ever want to push a guy away, this is the perfect way to do it because you will appear clingy and borderline crazy.
Dating can be daunting. Most girls hate the thought of having to date a bunch of guys to replace a lost love. But trust me when I tell you that pushing too hard at the beginning will just push the guy away. You can’t force feeling comfortable with someone, or make a routine with someone you barely know. To avoid this my advice to all of you is to let the guy lead! It’s good to communicate but don’t force things. Let the new guy lead the dance and ask you out or be proactive. If you show too much gusto it can completely turn the guy off since it seems like you’re desperate. You also risk meeting a guy who will take advantage of you and leave you when he’s done. Above all, be patient. Starting over always sucks, but if you give it time, the new relationship will almost always be worth the wait.
And one more thing: don’t forget to groom! You’re back on the market so it’s time to doll yourself up. Wax, make-up, perfume, and the basics that show a guy you care about your appearance, go a long way.
Practice makes perfect! #DateGreat